Page 102 of Lord Garson's Bride
“I won’t be a stranger to any child of mine. And as you pointed out, if it comes to a dispute, my wishes will prevail in law.”
She regarded him with a touch of contempt. “I can’t believe you’re threatening me.”
Had he fallen so low? It seemed he had. Although blackmailing her into his life and using her children against her wouldn’t bring back the joy they’d shared; it would just chase it further out of reach. This damnable situation offered him no reprieves. “At the moment, the point is moot. But if there is a child…”
Her eyes narrowed on him. “You’re trying to make me change my mind about my plans.”
For the first time in that long, grueling day, he found himself smiling at his wife. Nastily. “What a clever girl you are.”
Without waiting for her response, he dug his heels into Lysander’s sides and galloped away from the house with a clatter of hooves on cobblestones.
Chapter Thirty-Six
The month before Garson’s next visit to the Beeches seemed to last an eon. He retreated to Derbyshire for most of it. Gossip about his failed marriage was rife, but that wasn’t the real reason he avoided society. Three and a half years ago, his life had taken a wrong turn. For so fleeting an interval that it verged on torture, the happiness he found in his marriage made him wonder if his trials were over. But that brief promise of warmth and purpose and fulfillment had soon flickered out into Stygian darkness.
Since then, every day had been a barren waste. Every day to come promised more of the same. He was back to feeling like an unwelcome intruder in his own life. Other people, even friends like Silas and Caro, scraped against him like sandpaper on wood. He was better off alone.
He had an ominous inkling that he’d be alone until he took his dying breath.
Jane’s absence felt like a sin against life. Damn it, she was his wife. She should be with him.
Garson supposed he could storm and rage and demand she come back. After all, as he’d pointed out to her, he had the law on his side. But despite his half-hearted threats at their last meeting, he despised the thought of bullying her.
Anyway, what would be the use? He didn’t just want Jane back as a physical presence. He wanted their friendship. He wanted her to share her boundless sensuality with him. He wanted to know that the two of them were slowly, surely building an unbreakable bond of trust and respect and affection. He wanted the promise of family.
Insisting on his rights would wreck any chance of regaining those things. Perhaps—and he wasn’t optimistic about the odds—if he gave her time to accept that she’d never have his love, she’d return, ready to try again.
Which was the only reason he’d let her call the tune so far. He couldn’t risk harrying her into running beyond his reach.
Because beneath all his bluster, he understood exactly why she’d left him. After all, he was an expert on the agonies of unrequited love. Living with a man who could never respond to her love would turn her generous heart bitter and resentful. It would blight the rest of her life.
He couldn’t bear to think of her vivid soul withering away in rancor and misery.
She needed to accept that some dreams could never come true, however worthy she was to have her wishes fulfilled. Because his wife was worthy. His wife was far too good for him and part of him marveled that this wonderful creature had come to love him at all. If he’d never met Morwenna…
Thinking about what might have been if he’d come to Jane with an unclaimed heart threatened to drive him insane.
After Jane’s second terse note arrived, saying that their encounter at the Beeches hadn’t produced a child, he rode down to Winchester once again, hiring a fresh horse at each change. This time, Jane didn’t emerge onto the front steps to welcome him. She offered no hint that his visit was anything except a utilitarian solution to an awkward problem.
He stabled his mount and entered through the kitchens. As he strode through the eerily silent house, he couldn’t help feeling that he wandered through Sleeping Beauty’s castle. A foolish fancy, not least because the princess in this particular fairytale wouldn’t let him kiss her under any circumstances.
Garson guessed she was already waiting in her bedroom. He went to the room she’d put aside for him last time. As before, there was hot water and a light luncheon set out. He paused on the threshold and surveyed the neat offerings, while his gut churned with an ocean of contrition and resentment.
When he’d left Jane last month, he’d felt tired and used, no matter how powerfully his body had relished the explosive joining. The way he felt now was worse.
With sudden determination, he turned on his heel and marched toward the neighboring room. He slammed the door open so hard that one of the landscapes on the wall crashed to the ground.
Abruptly Jane sat up from where she’d been lying on the bed. The reminder of how dutiful and frightened she’d been on their wedding night only made anger sink its teeth deeper. He’d once congratulated himself on how far they’d come since then. What a bloody fool he’d been. In this marriage, the seeds of trouble had been there from the beginning. He’d had no right to offer himself to this lovely girl unless he was able to give her his undivided allegiance.
He’d never done that. And that cheater’s bargain had led to his undoing.
“Hugh!” Her gray eyes widened, as she caught sight of him. “What’s the matter?”
His lips flattened. “You know what’s the bloody matter,” he said in a voice like gravel. “Get up and stand behind the chair. I can’t bear to see your face, when I know that you hate every moment of what I’m doing.”
She went ashen, although she rose from the bed. “I don’t hate it,” she mumbled, avoiding his glare.
“What was that?” he asked, although he’d heard her the first time.
