Page 103 of Lord Garson's Bride
Her eyes flashed, and he caught a fugitive glimpse of the passionate woman who had turned his nights to fire. And offered him the deceitful promise of a life he could love, even if he couldn’t love her.
“I said I don’t hate it.” The words emerged sharp as broken glass.
She looked like a princess disdaining the advances of an overweening courtier. He recognized with a shock that her pride far outweighed his. Perhaps there was some pique involved in her desertion after all.
“Good.” He took off his hat and gloves and tossed them on a chest of drawers. “You know what to do.”
Hesitantly she approached the chair and after sending him a backward glance, as if asking whether he wanted to position her, she bent over.
Lust fueled his anger. His breath emerged in tattered gasps. The sight of his wife waiting for him to service her had his cock standing up straight as a ship’s mast.
He stepped behind her and tossed the frothy light blue skirts up to reveal her bare arse. Her whimper betrayed excitement and fear.
His heart pounded like a bass drum as he stared down at that luscious rump. White, smooth, perfectly curved. Her legs were splayed, ready for him to plunge inside and spend himself in shame and yearning and irresistible need. He watched her tense to accept him, and she dipped her head, so the angle of her bum became yet more brazen.
Even as his hands went to the fastenings of his breeches, he knew this wasn’t what he wanted.
If he went ahead and did this now—and again and again until they made a child—he’d corrupt something precious and irreplaceable. And each time, he’d chip a little bit more off Jane’s soul. What he was about to do debased the memory of the transcendent intimacies they’d shared during their first few weeks, however hellishly askew things had gone since.
God help him, he couldn’t do it.
Gritting his teeth against the agonizing weight in his balls, he threw Jane’s skirts down to cover her. He stepped back on shaking legs.
“Stand up,” he said, his voice as flat as the Fens.
For a moment, she didn’t move, and he wondered whether he would in fact be able to resist taking her. She pushed herself up and turned, looking bewildered.
Her gaze focused on his face. He suspected he looked like thunder. Then she glanced toward the bed. “Shall I lie down?”
“No.”
Her eyes widened. “Is there some other—”
With a violent gesture, he retreated a step further out of temptation’s reach. “No. No other way. Not again.”
Misery and confusion darkened her eyes to pewter. “I don’t understand.”
He hardly understood either. But he knew to the depths of his being that what they did in this room would only lead to utter devastation. “I want a wife. I want a marriage. I want a life with you. I don’t want these crumbs from your table, Jane. This miserly spending of what should be gold, while we go ahead and turn everything between us into base metal. I want the whole loaf or nothing.”
She spread her hands. Her expression said she thought he was losing his mind. “But what about a child?”
He bit back a string of profanities. “I don’t give a tinker’s damn anymore. The bloody estate can crumble into the sea, as far I’m concerned. Someone will inherit it. I’ll be dead so I won’t care.”
“You married me to have an heir.”
“And you married me to gain a home,” he said with a weariness that penetrated to his bones. “If you can change your mind about what you want, why can’t I?”
“So you won’t…”
“No, I won’t. This is my last visit to the Beeches, Jane.” He folded his arms and regarded her with burning eyes. “Come home, or go your own way. It’s all or nothing.”
She still looked completely befuddled. “But you don’t love me.”
“I honor you. I want you. I believe we can create something worthwhile between us. You have to decide if that’s enough.” He saw her flinch, but couldn’t dam the torrent of words that had been building up since the day she left him. “If not, I’ll make arrangements for a generous allowance. I won’t have you relying on Anthony bloody Townsend’s bounty for the food you eat.” The way she’d turned to the Townsends with her troubles continued to rankle. “You’re free to decide your future. But hear this—if you return to me, it’s forever. No compromises, no keeping yourself from me, no half measures. You decide to be my wife, and you never waver.”
She linked shaking hands at her waist. “You’re asking a lot.”
“I’m asking everything,” he said in a flinty voice. He prowled over to collect his hat and gloves. “I await word on your decision.”
