Page 44 of Finding Her
He was silent for a long time. Eventually, he said, “But don’t you want friends for life?”
Those words alone sent a knife straight into my heart. Because the truth was, yes, I did. I wanted lifelong friends just as much as I wanted to breathe. It was the whole reason behind coming to Hartwell for me—I needed a place where I could put down roots, where I could feel secure that I wouldn’t be torn away with only a couple of weeks’ notice. And even though I told him that I tried not to be upset about the idea of leaving people behind, it wasn’t as true for me here as it had been in the past. Because at Hartwell, there was Lilah and Saylor and… Bear.
How could I leave any of them behind?
“Yes,” I whispered. “I do.”
I heard his arm move toward me. And when I looked down, I saw that it was resting between us, palm up, like he was waiting for me. I didn’t hesitate for a moment before slipping my hand into his.
“For what it’s worth,” he murmured, “I’ll never forget you.”
CHAPTER 29
poppy
The school likedto tell our parents that the camping unit was to help us connect with nature and learn fundamental survival skills, but every student knew it was really a joke of a unit. It was especially that way for us since Mrs. Dixon’s wasn’t even on the trip to evaluate how we were doing or even if we were participating at all. It was clear Mrs. Fisher had no interest in learning any of our names and she would be telling Mrs. Dixon that we all participated. So, it was no surprise that all the freshmen girls took this as their chance to party and get drunk without consequences.
But Bear and I, being the oldies we were on this trip, were staying far away from that scene, which was how I ended up in the bathroom and getting ready for bed at the same time that Mia was putting on eyeliner and lipstick.
I’d smiled at her when she walked in, but didn’t say anything because of my mouth full of toothpaste. She didn’t say anything either, until I rinsed out my mouth and she suddenly went, “You’re Poppy, right?”
I froze, momentarily wondering why she wanted to know, as if this fourteen-year-old girl was secretly planning some plot about me. In my defence, the way she’d glared at me the day I’dseen Bear out running gave me reason to think that she hated me. But I shook those thoughts out of y head—all she’d asked was if she got my name right. Why was I freaking out over nothing?
“Yeah,” I said, way too late. “Uh, it’s nice to meet you.”
She nodded and turned back to the mirror in front of her, swiping eyeliner across her lids with ease. I was a little jealous, since I always ended up black smudged all over my face whenever I tried that.
“So, what’s going on between you and Levi?” Mia asked.
And just like that, the peaceful bubble we’d been standing burst. I wasn’t sure what it was about the question that made me tense, exactly. It wasn’t any different than what everyone had been asking me ever since Claire and I had started this stupid bet. But there was a strange undertone to her words, like they were slicing viciously in the air and aiming for my jugular. That and the glare from both a couple weeks ago and this morning made me wary.
“What do you mean?” I asked, hoping I sounded innocent and not like my heart was pounding. I probably should have just said nothing. Because really, it would have been the truth, right? Just because Bear had worn my scrunchie during his hockey game, hugged me this morning, and agreed to share a tent with me didn’t mean he was in love with me. Every action he’d taken over the last couple of weeks that came close to that had a logical explanation behind it. And even if there was anything going on between us, it would just be of the bet, which I was sure this girl knew nothing about. Why would the freshmen care if Bear was dating me or Claire? He was so far removed from most of their lives that it shouldn’t have mattered to them at all.
“I guess you two just seem really close,” she said. She put the cap back on her eyeliner and continued on with her makeup likethis conversation was no big deal to her, and for some reason, it made me bristle.
“We’re friends,” I said. Trying to channel the same energy as her, I rinsed my toothbrush and grabbed my hair brush I didn’t want her to know she was getting under my skin, because by all rights, she shouldn’t have been. There was no reason I should have given a crap about some random girl’s feelings on what Bear and I were up to.
“Seems like you’re more than that,” she said lightly. “If you’re sharing a tent and all.”
How did she know we were sharing a tent? I’d been careful to heed Tracey’s warning about being subtle about it. We hadn’t entered or exited the tent together at any point and even when we were inside, we’d been talking quietly so nobody heard us. And since all the tents looked more or less the same and were all sitting in the same area, it wouldn’t have been obvious that we were both using the same one unless someone was watching us.
Had she been watching?
“Um…” I busied myself with brushing out my hair and tying it in a loose braid, acting like that took all of my concentration. I really didn’t understand what she was getting at right now and I was nervous to find out. Was she going to report us to the school for sharing a tent? I wasn’t too concerned about the consequences of that since Traceyhadtold us to do it and it was their fault for giving us Mrs. Fisher as a chaperone—everyone knew she couldn’t care less about the job. But how would it affect Bear if this came out? Would they decide to pull him out of gym class and not give him the credit? That wouldn’t be fair. But if Mia said she felt uncomfortable about the situation or tried to twist it to make it sound worse than it was…
I was getting ahead of myself. I didn’t know why she was doing this or if she was looking to hurt him. All I knew right nowwas that she wasn’t happy I was with him. But plenty of girls dealt with jealousy without trying to ruin other people’s lives.
“That’s just because of an administrative error,” I said finally, as I tied off the end of the braid. “They forgot to tell the camp that they’d need an extra tent for Bear and there was no room for me to stay with anyone else.”
“Don’t get me wrong,” Mia said, “I would stay in a tent with a boy I liked if I got the chance, too. But you should know…”
She trailed off, clearly waiting for me to become curious enough to ask her to finish. But I kept my mouth clamped shut. I didn’t give in to mean girls and that was exactly what she felt like to me right now. If she wanted to give me some information, she could go ahead and say it, but I wasn’t going to stoop to the level of asking her. I was positive there was no information she could give me that would make me hate him or convince me to back away now.
“It’s just…” she continued, when I didn’t say anything. I bit back my smirk. I knew she would cave. She fluffed up her hair in the mirror as she said, “You know, he’s kind of in a serious relationship.”
I could feel her watching me so I was careful not to react at all. I just grabbed my face wash and continued with my routine as my mind spun. I remembered the first day I met Claire, when she’d sneered that she was Bear’s girlfriend. Since then, I’d rarely seen them together and when they were, he didn’t look happy, so I really didn’t think they were dating. Especially since Lilah was right about his reputation—every person who had talked to me about the bet in the last few weeks had dropped in the fact that he never dated anyone. Ever. So she had to be mistaken. Or, more likely, she wanted me to assume she was right and back off because she wanted him for herself.
“He doesn’t date,” I said calmly.
