Page 120 of Damaged Boys Don't Fall For Bubbly Girls
I nod slowly, figuring she feels the same about me.
“He told me he spoke to you last week and told you that you were ruining my life,” she continues. “It really upset me that he spoke to you behind my back. But I’m also hurt that you didn’t talk to me about it.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“I know. That’s why you’re so sweet, but I’m a big girl and I can take care of myself. I…” She sighs. “I was really hurt when you pulled away. We’re best friends. I don’t want to lose you.”
I swallow. “I don’t want to lose you, either. But Finn is right. Ididruin your life. You were doing better and I returned and messed everything up.”
“No, that’s not true. Maybe I was doing better, but I never stopped missing you.”
I glance away from her. “Finn thinks you’re obsessed with me. That you push my happiness before your own. I don’t want you to do that, Lexi. I want you to think of yourself first. Not me.”
She hesitates, pushing some hair behind her ear. “I’m not sure he’s wrong. I think I am obsessed with you. It hurts me when you’re unhappy.”
“It hurts me whenyou’reunhappy. And I want to do whatever I can to make sure you’re always happy.”
She smiles sadly. “So we’re both pushing each other before ourselves.”
I pull my hands from hers. “I’m sorry I ruined everything,” I whisper. “If I only could go back in time and change the past. I’d do anything not to hurt you.”
She sweeps my bangs out of my eyes. Everywhere she touches zaps me, but in a good way. I feel like it’s been a long time since we touched. “I wasn’t happy with him as more than a friend, but it’s different with you. You’re not just my friend, Brock. I like you. A lot. Really a lot. And it’s okay if you don’t like me back—”
I take her in my arms, holding her close to my chest. Can she feel my thumping heart? “I like you really a lot too, Lexi. You’re so special to me and…” I draw back to look into her eyes. “I’m pretty sure I’m obsessed with you, too.”
Her smile is sad again. “But is that a good thing? Are we obsessed with each other and want to make each other happy because of what happened four years ago? Like, are we overcompensating because we feel so guilty?”
I look away from her. “I…I don’t know.” I face her. “I do feel bad for what I did, but I also love being with you.”
She holds out her hand and I place mine inside. “I also love being with you. When I was with Finn, things were so off. I really tried with him, but I didn’t feel anything for him. Other than friendship. It was like we were forcing ourselves to have fun. But when we just hang out, it’s so much easier.”
I nod.
“But that’s not how it is with you,” she goes on. “I feel so comfortable around you. I can talk to you about the most boring thing, but I’ll never get bored. It’s just different with you.”
I shrug. “Maybe we have a good friend vibe.”
“I don’t think that’s what it is.” She looks into my eyes. “And I don’t think you think that’s what it is, either. There’s something between us, Brock. Something deep and profound. It’s always been there, but we were too young to notice it. But I see it now. Maybe that’s why I was so sad when you left and when you were ignoring me. Because I knew deep down that you and I belong together.”
I swallow again as tears prick my eyes. “I feel it, too. I’m really sorry for all the pain I caused you.”
“You know I forgive you.”
“Maybe wedidhave something deep. Maybe it’s still there. But we’ve been through too much.Ihave been through too much.”
She nods. “I know, but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be happy.”
The tears are growing stronger and a few plop down my cheeks. “Do I? I ruined everything. I messed up your life.”
She takes both my hands, gazing into my eyes. “Of course you deserve to be happy, Brock.” She wipes my tears with her thumbs. “And you didn’t mess up my life.”
I pull away. “Finn told me you were willing to try with him, but I came back to Edenbury and destroyed everything.”
She shakes her head. “No. Even if you didn’t return, he and I wouldn’t have worked out. I don’t feel anything other than friendship for him. That has nothing to do with whether or not you’re in Edenbury.”
“Maybe you would have grown to like him. Maybe you would have been happy with him.”
“I’m sure I would havelikedhim and sure, I probably would have been happy with him. But I could never love him like that.”
