Page 121 of Damaged Boys Don't Fall For Bubbly Girls
Is she hinting that she could love me like that? I could definitely love her, but it’s too soon to be thinking those thoughts.
“Finn shouldn’t have said that to you,” Lexi says. “I know he hurt you. But he’s also right. We’re obsessed with each other. I think about you all the time, wondering how you’re doing, if you’re happy.”
“I think the same thoughts.”
“I know you do. You go out of your way to make sure I’m happy. But…”
“But what?”
She sighs. “I don’t know if it’s healthy for us to be this obsessed with each other. For four years I held onto the hope that you’d return. I wanted to see for myself that you were okay. I wanted us to be as close as we used to be.”
“Wanted?”
“I still do. I want that more than anything, but I think I need to take a break. To take a step back and figure out exactly what I want.”
I nod slowly as her words make sense in my head.
“What if we’re obsessed with each other because of our past?” she asks. “What if it’s clouding our judgment?”
“You think we like each other because of everything that happened? You think our guilt is pushing us together?”
She lifts her hands helplessly. “I don’t know. We’ve been through so much. Did you ever take a step back and determine whatyouwant, Brock? Outside of me, I mean.”
I puff out my cheeks. “I just want to be myself again.”
She places her hand on mine. “You need to find yourself without me. And I need to figure out what I want without anyone telling me and without feeling like I owe anyone anything. I can’t push myself into a relationship with you because I want to make up for being apart for so long. I think…” She takes a deep breath. “I think a break would do us good. But I don’t mean we can’t be friends. You’ll always be my best friend.”
I smile as I lock my fingers through hers. “You’ll always be mine. No matter what happens between us.”
She rests her head on my chest. I wrap my arms around her.
“I’m really sorry for all this,” I tell her. “Feels like nothing I do could make up for all the pain I caused you.”
Shaking her head, she lifts it off my chest and looks into my eyes. “It’s okay, Brock. Really. I don’t want you to feel bad or guilty. I want us to move on from the past.”
I nod. “I’ll try.”
She stands. “I’d better go.” Bending forward, she presses a soft kiss on my cheek. “I’ll see you.”
Why does it feel like it’s a kiss goodbye tous?
“Do you want me to walk you home?” I offer.
“No, that’s okay. I want to be alone with my thoughts.”
“Okay. I’ll walk you out, then.”
We don’t say much to each other as we go down the stairs. Lexi bids goodbye to my parents before she and I walk out the front door.
She smiles sweetly, but there’s some uncertainty in there. Is she also worried we’ll never be the same again? That our close friendship is gone?
“Good night, Brock,” she says.
“Stay safe and sweet dreams.”
She closes her arms around my waist. I don’t want to let her go—and it seems like she doesn’t want to, either—but I have to. I need to give her the space she needs to figure out what she wants.
She waves with another smile before going down the stairs and walking off. I stare after her, wanting to call after her and tell her I’m willing to do anything—anything—for her. But I force myself not to.
