Page 44 of Twisted Truths
Tomorrow, we mourn Zara.
Chapter Sixteen
NASH
Iadjust my tie for the millionth time, tugging on it like it’s a noose around my neck. Dark sunglasses cover my eyes like a coat of armour, and I’ve never been more grateful for plastic in my life.
I’m standing on the steps of St Mary’s with Levi and Paige by my side. Sawyer is fussing in her mum’s arms, but I’m too numb to care. This is by far the worst day of my life. How am I supposed to walk in there in front of the entire Barrenridge community and say goodbye to my family? How am I supposed to do that when they all believe Zara is to blame for all of this?
“You ready?” Levi asks, patting me on the back.
No.
But that’s not an option.
Releasing a shaky exhale, I close the distance to the door of the church and push it open.
I’ve never been a religious man. Zara and I weren’t baptised as kids—I think Dalton honestly believed he was our only God. He certainly acted like it.
When Mum married Paul, however, they would attend the weekly services, and baptised Rylan on his first birthday, with Ziggy and I named as his godparents. Ziggy sent me videos and photos from his reconciliation and First Eucharist, and he was due to undertake his Confirmation next month. I hope it doesn’t stop him from being with Mum and Paul, wherever they are. My worst nightmare is thinking Rylan’s alone and scared. I hope they’re finally at peace after the violent way they all left this earth.
Father Malachi greets us and leads us out back to the conservatory, where the caskets are waiting. I stare at the small one on the end, dwarfed by the others, a lump forming in my throat as Father Malachi goes over the order of today’s service. I’m not paying any attention, but Paige’s reassuring tone offers a small comfort as she engages with him on my behalf.
The whole time I stand there thinking to myself,this isn’t happening. This can’t be happening. My little brother is not in there. Ziggy is not in there. Mum. Paul.
Levi’s mother comes in to collect Sawyer, wrapping me in a warm embrace and offering her condolences. She drove down from Sydney with her husband this morning to be here for her son.
Over time, the room fills with people. Paul’s best mate, Brendon, and a couple of guys he played cricket with. Mum’s closest friends from university, Janine and Sally. Two other ladies she had book club with here in Barrenridge, though they smile fondly as they tell me it was more of an excuse to drink wine and talk about their families.
I think I nod, but I’m honestly caught up in my own head.
The room continues to fill with those closest to my family.
I break when I see the four boys from Barrenridge primary school, standing stoic with their parents in the corner of theroom. My little brother’s best friends shouldn’t be going through this.
None of us should be going through this.
In less than ten minutes, these people are going to help bring my family into the church for the final time.
As I watch, one of the boys, a kid with bright orange hair and freckles, sidles up beside the smallest casket and places his hand on the polished wood. Tears stream down his cheeks as he murmurs something for only him and my brother to hear.
Clearing my throat, I turn away.
While I need this day to be over, I also don’t want to say goodbye. It seems too final.
When Father Malachi returns to advise us it’s time, I cast another glance around the room filled with people. There’s no one here for Ziggy.
My heart twists.
How can everyone write her off so easily? Don’t they remember the selfless girl who held a lemonade stand every day for a summer to raise money to build an accessibility ramp for Mrs Brenner after she had a stroke? Who stayed after school to help, Ms Tamei, a single mum, clean the art equipment so she could pick her son up from daycare earlier? Who spent three nights a week tutoring kids at Barrenridge Primary School? Have they forgotten all of that?
Paige’s soft sobs fill the space as “Fix You” by Coldplay plays and she steps behind Levi to grip the silver handle of Ziggy’s casket. I take my place on the opposite side. It kills me Ziggy has no one left who believes in her. She was such a bright spark in this crazy world, and now she’s essentially shunned by the community she gave so much to.
Paul’s casket is rolled towards the front of the church. Mum follows close behind. Then Rylan. We bring up the rearwith Ziggy, and I keep my head held high. She is my sister, and I will always have her back.
Halfway down the nave, I feel a presence at my back. Swallowing hard, I turn my head, and my heart constricts when I see the vice president of the Ridge Riders gripping the handle of my sister’s casket. Rowan didn’t know her, but he knows what it’s like to lose a sibling.
Forcing myself to turn back to the front, I focus on putting one foot in front of the other. Once the caskets line the front of the church, I grip Rowan’s hand and pull him in for a brief hug, needing to let him know how much his act of kindness means.
