Page 231 of There's No Us Without You
I close my eyes and hum the tune to “You Are My Sunshine,” just the way our mum did to get us to go to sleep.
In this moment, it’s only me and Tyler, just like when we were kids.
SIXTY-FOUR
Eden
The paramedics loadTyler’s body into the back of the ambulance, the black body bag disappearing when the doors are slammed shut. The sound echoes in the silence, the red and blue lights flashing when they pull away, the loose rocks on theroad crunching under the tyres. The police car pulls out onto the street next and follows the ambulance.
There’s no need for sirens anymore—there’s no life to save.
Will has his hands clenched at his sides, his jaw tight as he stares off into the distance.
I reach out to take his hand. “Will? Let’s get you inside.”
He pulls away from me as though I’ve just burnt him, his eyes brimming with tears. “Get the fuck away from me.”
“What?” Tears fall down my cheeks like a never-ending fountain of pain.
“This is your fault.” He comes towards me, eyes feral, spit flying from his mouth. “I told you not to get involved with Tyler, and you went and ran your mouth, talking bullshit about calling the police. What did you think was going to happen? Huh? You have no idea what you’ve done, do you?”
I glance at Emerson, who is now staring at the ground, crutches tucked under his armpits, his arms hanging at his sides. “I’m sorry,” I whisper, dropping my head, now unable to look at either of them. “I was just... angry because of what they did to Emerson—to you. I didn’t think...” I cover my face with my hands, my tears now soaking my palms.
“No,” Will says, his voice cracking. “You didn’t think, did you? I can’t even look at you right now. You need to leave.”
I lift my head, swiping at my cheeks. “Will, please.” I reach out for him a second time. “Please don’t push me away. I’m sorry. I’ll do anything.”
Taking a step back, he shakes his head, so much hurt riddled on his handsome face. “There’s nothing you can do, Eden. I want nothing more from you.”
A violent sob almost cracks my chest wide open, and I grip my waist, attempting to stop my stomach from churning. My knees almost give out. I’m going to suffocate, the weight of whatI’ve done almost unbearable as it attempts to crush every bone in my body with one fell swoop.
Emerson is there to share some of the weight with me, though, as he wraps an arm around my waist, and hauls me to his chest. He does this all the while keeping his balance using both crutches under his left arm.
“Come on,” he says quietly. “Let’s give Will a moment.”
Why isn’t Emerson doing something? Anything? Why is he leaving Will by himself? Surely he doesn’t want to be alone right now. He’s just hurting, that’s all.
Although, if anyone knows Will, it’s Emerson. If he says to give him a moment, then I’m sure it’s for good reason.
I take one last look at Will before heading back inside, but he won’t look at me, his head hanging in his hands. “I’m so sorry, Will. I’m so fucking sorry,” I say, before Emerson shuts the door behind us.
I don’t bother to wait for Emerson—or to make sure he’s okay—before racing upstairs to my room. I haul my suitcase from the top shelf in the wardrobe and throw it onto my bed. My feet move quickly, almost on their own, darting me between the wardrobe and the set of drawers so I can yank clothes off the hangers and whatever else I can grab hold of. I throw the handfuls of items into the suitcase—underwear, socks, and anything else I can fit in there.
As I’m attempting to close the zipper—now bulging—Emerson appears in my doorway. “You’re leaving?”
I swipe at my wet cheeks with the back of one hand and nod. “It’s for the best. Will hates me, and I can’t be here knowing I caused all this. I never should have confronted Tyler or Gabby. It’s my fault.”
Emerson limps over and wraps his arms around my shoulders, pressing a cheek to the top of my head. “It’s not your fault, Eden. Will is angry and just needs someone to blame.He’ll come round. Tyler knew what he was getting into with the police.”
“Still . . . if I hadn’t said anything—” I sob into Emerson’s chest, gripping his T-shirt.
This is the last time I’ll ever hold him, so I breathe him in, attempting to etch every single touch and kiss and caress we’ve ever shared into my brain.
My entire heart is shattering, but I want to remember everything.
I love Emerson and Will more than life itself, so I’ll let them go because I’m not good for either of them.
I’ve done horrible things to both. Betrayed them, humiliated them, all for what? To have my heart—their hearts—trampled on and left to rot.
