Page 74 of Coach Me
“I’m dying, Jensen,” I pant out while bending over with my hands on my knees. We’ve run maybe a mile, and I’m regretting my life choices.
“That’s funny, you said the same thing about Dex before we got started.”
“Because it’s true. He’s killing me—you’re killing me. All this run has done is made my legs feel like Jell-O…my lungs feel like they are going to collapse….and I’m still thinking about Dex. At this point, I don’t even think a vibrator will help.”
After our emotional confessions, we continued playing our betting question game, but the topics got much lighter…like how Dex got drafted, how I got my turtles, and why I don’t cuss. But the thing was, Dex never let go of my hand, and I didn’t pull it away.
We sat there talking, holding hands, and watching baseball warm-ups. I don’t think I ever felt more content in my life. I can’t say when it changed between us, but I never wanted that moment to end.
Jensen’s border collie, Dottie, comes up and licks the side of my face. “She’s telling you to pull yourself together because we’re only halfway through our normal route. You told me to help you get Dex off your mind.”
Standing up straight, a cool breeze comes off the waterfront. I huff. Goodness, I think my ears are ringing.
“I would rather go back to Dex’s apartment right now and tell him I need him to help me do my Lucie After Dark list than finish this run.”
Jensen hums; she doesn’t even look like she’s broken a sweat yet. “Oh, please let me call your bluff.”
Part of me wishes she could. “You know you can’t.”
Just as much as I know I can't force Dex’s hand. I didn’t give Jensen all of the details about our conversation yesterday, but I gave her the CliffNotes because I think I’m falling for my boss when it’s just as unfair for me as it is to him.
Hearing him say all of those things yesterday meant so much to me. It was as if I'd managed to get a big enough hole in his thick wall that I could step all the way through, but I’m not entirely sure Dex wants me to stay there. Or well, I think he might, but doesn’t know if he has the capability to.
He’s made his interest in me clear, I can see it now. But it’s not just about me and him—Miles plays a huge role. Dex blames himself for the things that have changed in his son’s life, and now I’m a part of that. Whatever this is between us, it directly affects Miles, no matter how we look at it.
I don’t know what angle Dex is looking at it from, but I selfishly want it to be the one that eventually wants to give us a try.
“Luce, you both can’t just live together and not ever address this. I get self-sacrificing to a degree, but you're not even trying.”
Ihuff another deep breath, finally feeling like my heart rate is coming down. “That’s not true. Dex needs me as Miles’s nanny and teacher. Me being more has to come from him when he’s ready.”
Even if I’m afraid he never will be, I know I can’t tell him I think he deserves his happiness too when I know that he already carries so much guilt.
“If that’s what you want. Either way, you’re not getting out of the rest of this run.”
“Just so we’re clear, venturing out with running is a no. Lucie Anderson is not a running girlie.”
Dottie lets out a small bark, and Jensen laughs. “She just called you a pussy.”
“She did? Or you did?”
“Both. Hers is for stalling her run, and mine is for not making a move on Dex.”
“I want to! But I can’t. I can’t be the one that makes the first move in good conscience, and I definitely can’t finish this run.”
“Yes, you can—” Jensen stops and her spine snaps straight up. “You have got to be kidding me.”
I follow her gaze and find Beck slowing down his run and walking up to us.
“Well, if this isn’t the best way to start my day, then I don’t know what is.” Beck’s cocky smirk flashes to Jensen. “Hey, Jenni-cakes, I missed our runs while I was gone.”
I tilt my head to Jensen. Suddenly, I’m feeling much better. “Your runs?”
Jensen clenches her jaw as she crosses her arms over her chest. “He means how I run away from him because he’s a stalker.”
Beck laughs, completely unfazed, and kneels down to petDottie. “I’m not a stalker, right, Dottie? You like when I run with you guys?”
Dottie rolls over, practically putty as Beck pets her. My smile grows bigger, and Jensen just seems more pissed.
