Page 62 of Alice Carver Manifests Her Perfect Life
I turned off all the lights, which was harder than it sounds because Astrid and Aziz have set some up on timers and others are linked to ring circuits which should be simple, but seem to involve a number of light switches that do nothing at all. Eventually, the house was in complete darkness (well, not complete because there are quite a few electrical appliances as well as far more street lights outside than I previously realised and the neighbours have effectively illuminated their garden like it’s a brothel in Amsterdam, which I might mention to Astrid because surely that’s got to affect house prices, solar powered or not).
Next, by the light of my phone, I lit the revered Baobab Black Pearl candle, then attempted to ignite the sage. This proved tricky. It involved a fair amount of smoke, a couple of insignificant burns to my fingers, and some prolonged coughing, and eventually I made the kind of executive decision that would have impressed even Guy Carmichael himself, and decreed the room cleansed and sacred. So, I focused on the candle and stared at the flame. I waited until at least a minute had passed and the flame flickered and swayed and dipped and sprung in a way that I think I may have found surprisingly and utterly captivating, but I’m not entirely sure. Because there’s a chance it was as underwhelming and candle-y as anticipated.
Orit may have been quite the transcendental moment.Either way, after a minute or so had elapsed, I took the bull by the horns and began manifesting.
By the light of you
I make myself new
Shed this old skin
And unfurl wings
Bathed in your glow
Ready to grow
Released, renewed,
Ready, imbued,
Cleansed, reborn
I am yours, Capricorn.
(If I’m honest, at this point, it did feel a bit surreal talking to a candle. But it wasn’t like there was anyone here to witness it, so I pushed ahead, through the misgivings, and followed the path ofThe Guide.)
I articulated carefully in a kind of churchy voice because it seemed right to do so.
By the light of Capricorn, I manifest the perfect man falling in love with me. That’s Guy Carmichael, to be clear, and thank you for all you’ve done already on that front. If you could also stretch to making him as fantastic in the sack as I imagine him to be, I’d be super grateful. And maybe one post on Instagram just for Charlotte’s benefit.
By the light of Capricorn, I’d like to manifest continuing to live in Astrid’s house until I get my own flat and it would be great if she’d maybe go easy on the utilities and be a bit more generous with the wine sharing.
By the light of Capricorn, please do not let me get sacked from work. Sack some of the other fuckers who are useless. Please keep my job secure, and add in a pay rise whilst you’re at it. And could everyone get my name right?
By the light of Capricorn, I manifest garnering respect and admiration from friends, colleagues and family. I don’t want to get too specific, but I’d like Cool Jason from Design to do one of those little nose laughs when I speak, as if I’ve said something genius. And I want Charlotte to ask me how I always put together such amazing looks and Arrie to ask me for some advice and Astrid to say,You make me feel like a complete dunderhead, Alice – how do you know so muchand Mum to say,Who would have thought Alice would be the highest earner of the—
And then, like a needle scratch in the Moonlight Sonata, a deep voice said, ‘Alice, can we manifest making it less dark in here? Would the light of Capricorn stretch to that?’
Seriously?
‘What the actual fuck, Matthew?’ I said in disbelief, turning round to see a shadowy outline in the doorway. I mean, what was he? Some kind of stealth ninja? ‘You’re meant to be in Shoreditch.’
‘Yeah, I took a rain check,’ said Matthew.
I fumbled frantically around in the blackness and managed to get a side lamp on.
‘What do you know,’ said Matthew, dripping onto the oak floor. ‘Manifesting really works! We have light. You’ve won me over, Alice.’
‘Where are Aziz and Astrid?’
‘They’ve gone to dinner at The Clove Club,’ said Matthew,picking his way over to the kitchen and grabbing a tea towel. He started roughly drying his hair.
‘They agreed to go without you?’ I said in surprise.
‘No,’ said Matthew. ‘I said I’d catch them up. But by now, they’ll be at least one course into the ten-course tasting menu, so you don’t need to worry: they can’t leave even when they realise I’m not coming. They’ll be stuck there together for hours.’
‘Why didn’t you go? Astrid’s going to kill you. And what makes you think I’m worried?’
