Page 48 of Vain
I slap him on the back before holding my hand out for him to shake. “Take care of yourself, man.”
“You too.” He tips his hat and leaves as I slip back into Kellen’s room.
“Oh, thank fuck. I thought you’d forgotten my kiss goodnight.”
I roll my eyes and take my seat. “You missed me, huh? It’s okay. I know I’m your favorite.”
He snickers, his eyes drifting closed. “I wouldn’t say you’re my favorite, but I am glad you came.”
“Anytime, brother. Though that being said, you ever get yourself blown up again, and I’ll kick your scrawny ass.”
“Scrawny? I’ll show you fucking scrawny. Just maybe not right now.”
I grin. “Get some shut-eye, sleeping beauty.”
“You gonna be here when I wake up?”
I look at my watch and shake my head. “It will probably be one of the other guys. I’m flying back out with Tilly tonight.”
“Tilly,” he whispers with a grin. “You’ve got it bad.”
“Shut up.” I don’t deny it, though, because he’s right. I do.
“Just don’t stay away too long.”
“See, I knew you missed me.”
Kellen’s only answer is a loud snore.
Chapter Twenty
MATILDA
My usual pilot was sick, so I opted for a commercial flight home. Most of the people in first class ignored me but I couldn’t relax completely, knowing eyes were on me. It made the flight home feel longer somehow. Most people would be glad they were flying home, and yet the closer we got to landing, the more nervous I became. What does it say that I’m more comfortable in my own skin being a nobody in a small town than here, where I can just be myself? But then again, that’s not true, is it? Once you reach my level of fame, being true to yourself isn’t enough. You have to be what the people want you to be: the fans, the critics, the studios, the media. Everyone wants their pound of flesh, flesh that must be perfect every day. Celebrities don’t get to have flaws or faults. And if they do, you can guarantee that shit is shared the world over so that people can pick apart their lives like vultures in a circus.
I sigh and Aiden’s hand tightens around mine. “You okay?”
“Would you think I was weird if I said I was sad to be coming home? That’s not normal, is it?”
“Your life is anything but normal. Cut yourself some slack.”
I lean my head against his shoulder. “I know I signed up for this life, and I’m not ungrateful for the amazing opportunities it has presented me. But sometimes I wish, once the cameras stopped rolling, I could go back to being just me. Only it’s not possible. The show never really stops, and there is always a camera somewhere to capture the best and worst moments of your life.”
“Is that why you decided you want to be behind the camera for a change?”
“Partly. But I always loved the mechanics of making a movie a little more than actually starring in one.”
“You know you no longer have to act if your heart isn’t in it. You don’t owe anyone anything.”
“I know, even if my mother would disagree with you. I guess I feel this twisted sort of obligation toward her, which is stupid, I know.”
“She’s your mom.”
“Something she forgets at her convenience and wheels out when it benefits her.”
He slides his hand into my hair and tugs until I tip my head back and look at him. “I’m not going to put any pressure on you one way or another. I want you. I think I’ve made that clear from the start. But part of that means I want you to be happy, not living in the shadows trying to live up to someone else’s expectations. I’m not talking about the time you took to rehab and heal. I’m talking about where you go from here.”
“I don’t know,” I answer him honestly. “When I’m beside you, I feel invincible. But when you’re gone, that familiar fear creeps in. Every face I look at, I question if it’s the person stalking me. And if they’re not, do they have the potential to do it? Am I looking at them too long or smiling too widely? Is that leading them on? But if I’m standoffish, might they get mad andhold a grudge against me? It’s relentless. And when my thoughts spiral, I become my own worst enemy.”
