Page 208 of Papa's Bébé
“Yeah, I think that’s why I was most angry, because it felt like he didn’t even think about me. All he thought of was himself. How devastated he was. How he didn’t want to live without her. But I had to go on without them both. It was always the three of us. They couldn’t have other children after me. We were always close. They adored each other, but they always loved me as well.I used to watch the two of them, how devoted they were to one another and I wanted something like that.”
Is that why he’d never had a long-term relationship? Because he’d never found that before?
Had he found it with her?
Hope welled inside her.
“But after they died, I realized the downside of loving someone that much. So much that you lost yourselves in them and couldn’t imagine being without them.”
And the hope started to die. Did he want her because he didn’t love her the way his parents had loved each other?
“I decided that I didn’t want to end up like them, so in love with another person that I couldn’t live without them. That I would leave everyone else behind to be with them. I couldn’t love to that extreme.”
“So that’s why you want to be with me?” she asked in a hoarse voice. “Because you know you will not love me like that?”
Shock filled his face and he grasped hold of her hips firmly, as though he was worried that she would try to get away from him.
There was no way she was moving, though. She wasn’t certain that her legs would even hold her up.
“You deserve a consequence for that,” he informed her in a stern voice.
Her mouth dropped open. She couldn’t believe he’d just said that to her.
“E-excuse me?”
“I’m going to add that to the punishment you have coming. Something we will take care of soon.”
“P-punishment?” How could he think of punishment after telling her that he wanted her to be his?
Because he wanted her but didn’t want her too much.
Do not be hurt by this.
But she couldn’t help but feel hurt.
“Yes, punishment. For not telling me your plans to rescue the puppies. And for daring to say that I want to be with you because I wouldn’t love you the way my papa loved my maman.”
“That’s not why you want to be with me?” she asked to clarify.
“You just keep adding to that spanking,” he growled.
“S-spanking?” she squealed. “No one mentioned a spanking!”
“That’s what you’ve earned.”
“For asking questions?”
“For thinking that what I feel for you could be anything less than fucking soul destroying.”
She knew what he was saying was a good thing . . . but it also felt like a bad thing. This was so confusing.
“I don’t want you . . . I don’t want you to be unhappy.”
He frowned. He looked unhappy right now.
“How can I be unhappy if I am with you? I love you, Bébé. That’s what I am saying. You’re all I think about, all I dream about. You’re all I want. I think you’re the most beautiful, special, amazing person. I could have lost you last night and that cannot happen. I can’t imagine a life where I don’t see your smile, hear your laugh, feel your touch. I thought if I could walk away, maybe I could still protect myself. But that thought . . . it made me feel ill. And I knew then I’d never be happy without you.”
“Something could still happen to me, though. What then?” she whispered.
