Page 90 of Heart Strings
Fire and pain still burn in Lo’s pink-rimmed eyes.
“It was your support that made me take a career as a musician seriously, after I’d all but given up.” I gesture to the earbuds in her hand, still playing my own voice. “The love I have for you is what made that album resonate with people. I owe it all to you.”
“Don’t pretend like it’s not your talent that makes people listen,” Lo says. “You’re an artist, and you were an artist before we met. You’ve dreamed of working with Nigel since you first picked up an instrument. I didn’t want you preoccupied when you were already so nervous to meet him. Besides, this appointment really isn’t a huge deal—”
“Yes, it is, because you’re a huge deal to me and it’s fucking cancer, Lo,” I shoot back. Enough of her minimizing. “You hate it when other people make decisions for me about my music, right? So don’t you take away my choice to be here by not even letting me know you might be sick again. Saoirse said you knew the bloodwork was off since the wedding. Do you have any idea how much it hurts me that you didn’t trust me with that?”
Guilt flashes across her face. “I was going to tell you everything after I got the results and a diagnosis. Really, I was. Even if I had the biopsy today, I wouldn’t get the results back for days.”
“Doesn’t matter. I’m yours. And you’re mine. That means I’m here when you need me.”
Lo’s mouth opens, but instead of arguing with me, she draws in a shaky breath. “I’m sorry for not telling you.”
I try to unclench my jaw and gentle my voice. “Now that you know I want to be here, I need to know the truth: Doyouwant me here?”
“Yes.” At first, Lo’s cracked whisper is barely audible in her crying-roughened throat, but she repeats it with conviction. “Yes, I want you here, Aidan. Every day for the past two years, I’ve wanted you here with me because I never fell out of love with you. You’re thoughtful and talented and you’re willing to fight a wild animal for me and publicly wear the ugliest sweater inexistence for your mother. Then we got another chance and this whole recurrence thing just made me terrified of losing you all over again. I’m so sorry for keeping this from you.”
The affirmation of Cielo’s love is the balm my anxious heart needed.
“Why didn’t you show up to the procedure? The receptionist said you were a no-show.”
Her chin quivers. “I couldn’t do it. I left my rotation early and when I got to the check-in desk, I couldn’t bring myself to take that final step. And I felt so ashamed…”
My heart aches at the notion of Lo going through such a life-changing appointment completely by herself.
“How did you know I’d be here in the labyrinth?” she asks quietly.
“I honestly don’t know. I just felt something telling me to come outside.”
A breeze stirs the hedges and gently tousles her hair. Praying that she doesn’t pull away again, I extend my hand. Lo’s fingers are delicate and soft entwined with mine.
“There’s no place that’s more important for me to be than by your side—today or any other day. Just because you’re independent enough to get by on your own doesn’t mean you don’t deserve someone who will hold your hand when you’re scared, or wipe your tears when you’re sad, or cheer you on when you have to do something hard. Or—”
“Or get me candy when I’m stressed,” Cielo suggests.
“That reminds me…”
I dig into my pocket for the bag I picked up at JFK airport when I’d bought the razor. Although sealed, the packaging is crumpled from being sat on. I hold it out on flattened palms likeI’m presenting an extravagant piece of jewelry and not a beat-up packet of sweets. Part of me knows that one day, I will be proposing to her someplace beautiful. Under much happier circumstances. Lo accepts it with an incredulous shake of her head. “And there’s more where that came from if you’ll let me be that person for you. Let me in. Let me love you like you deserve.”
“I want to love you like you deserve, too, Aidan. No more secrets. So I have to be honest: Looking at this little rainbow right now makes me wanna gag,” she says with a watery smile.
Mine drops in confusion. “What?”
“I might’ve…overindulged last night with Saoirse. In wine and candy. Vile combination, in retrospect. I passed out with a dead phone battery, but as soon as I had a chance at the end of my shift, I tried to call to wish you luck. That’s when I saw your messages. You’ve been on my mind all day.” Lo swallows heavily.
“I wanna be your emergency contact. Your support system. I know you can stand on your own feet, but I promise I won’t let you fall if you lean on me.” My voice is hushed, but every word is true. Cradling her jaw in my palm, I lean in. “Regardless of what is going on, if I’m on tour or anything, my family is my priority. You’re my family. You’re the song in my heart.”
“And you’re mine,” Lo answers, letting herself sink into my touch. Unshed tears shine in her hazel eyes as her gaze darts back toward the hospital campus. I brush a thumb over her cheek when she finally lets the first fall in front of me. “I don’t want to do this, A.”
“If we could trade places, I’d do so in a heartbeat. But I’m not gonna let you do this alone. If you promise to trust me, I promise to be right here.”
“I promise.”
Our lips press together tenderly, but there’s so much emotion in the chaste touch. I press another to her forehead and Lo lingers there. We walk hand in hand back toward the hospital entrance.
Chapter 38
Lo
