Page 91 of Heart Strings
When I sawAidan in the labyrinth, I thought it was a trick of my bleary, tear-filled eyes, but he’s the real deal.
He’s also a little squeamish. It’s cute how he turns away when the nurse practitioner wipes the disinfectant on my bare hip before she administers the local anesthetic. Light sedation was an option, but I weighed the risks with the benefits and decided that since Aidan is here with me, my anxiety is manageable enough without it.
I’m covered by surgical drapes, lying on my side facing Aiden, who sits in a little chair. He can’t see anything from this angle, which is probably for the best. Behind me, the staff speaks quietly among themselves about the procedure. We’re just waiting for my hip to numb.
Aidan goes pale as he tracks the movement of someone behind me.
“Are you okay?” I ask.
He gulps audibly. “Grand. Everything is perfect.”
“Let me guess: The doctor is holding a comically huge syringe?”
“Looks like a bleedin’ turkey baster, it does.” Aidan squeezes my hand. His calloused touch is a lifeline. “Sorry. I’m sure that isn’t very reassuring to you right now.”
“It’s fine, I already know what it looks like. Although for a guy covered in tattoos, you sure are freaked out about needles,” I lightly tease.
“I’m not half as brave as you are. You’re not even scared of Marie’s dummies.”
The light-hearted reminder of Aidan’s ventriloquism phobia makes me smile as intended, but it soon fades from my cheeks. The thin paper covering the table crinkles under my elbow as I reposition my weight uncomfortably.
“I’m scared now,” I admit for the first time, just a faint whisper. Not of the procedure. I’ve been through this before, and while it’s far from fun, it wasn’t the worst thing I’ve had to endure. I’m scared of what might be inside me. If something insatiable and relentless is growing within. But I’m not afraid of going through it alone anymore.
Aidan leans forward in the plastic chair and kisses me softly on the forehead. It’s so tender, my bottom lip wavers. In the sweetest voice, he murmurs, “That’s okay. You’re still the toughest bitch I know.”
Holding back a laugh is impossible. It’s just what I need to break the thick tension. Aidan’s smile unfurls his dimples and it’s like watching the sun rise in this windowless procedure room.
“I’ll be right here,” he assures me. “No matter what. Okay?”
“Okay.”
A few minutesafter the biopsy, the nurses have taken the sample to the hematology lab. They’re still monitoring me for any delayed adverse effects, coming in and out of the room, but right now we’re alone.
From his seat beside the exam table, Aidan strokes my hair.
Still feeling the chill of exposure, I absently rub at my arms.
“Are you cold?” Aidan asks.
“The temperature of the hospital never bothers me. I’m constantly moving during my rotations, but it’s different when you’re dressed in a gown with half your ass out.”
He unzips his backpack and pulls out the sweater covered in guitars and mandolins that his mom made. I pull it over my head, savoring the soft knit and the subtle sandalwood of his cologne.
“It looks good on you,” Aidan says.
No matter what,he’d said. Benign or malignant. Considering his family’s experience, he has a grasp of what that actually means. I can’t believe I’d ever doubted him.
“Do your parents know anything yet? Lark?”
“One thing at a time,” I say. “They’ll know when I have results to share. Before then, I can’t. It would scare them too much.”
“If you honestly think that’s best, then I trust you. But, Lo, they want to be there for you, too. Things aren’t always easy, but your parents both care. A lot. They love you, just like I do. No one wants to be kept in the dark about something this important.”
“I know they do. It’s just…Will you be there with mewhen I tell them? Like come over and sit with me when we do a video chat?”
“So the conversation doesn’t immediately go arseways?” Aidan surmises. “Of course.”
I allow myself a modest smile. “I was going to say for moral support, but yeah, that’s also true.”
