Page 29 of Glass and Bone
“No.” I snap a little too harshly, my eyes widening. “I don’t want to feel that way. It makes me feel vulnerable and I just can’t feel like that again.” I admit, my voice is softer. He nods, giving me a small smile as he stands.
“Alright, but please finish this decanter before you go to sleep.” He gestures towards the metal pitcher sitting on the table. “It’ll help with the pain and help relax you. Would you like to stay here in the infirmary tonight?” He asks.
“No, I’ll watch over her in our room.” Tobias responds for me, his hand rubbing up and down my bare shoulder. I am grateful for the warmth it provides, and I lean back into him. My eyes are heavy, and I just want to go to sleep. I can feel a sharp pricking sensation in my right arm, which must be where he gave me an injection. The throbbing in my core is still there, but it is duller, not as sharp and debilitating.
“Please call for me if anything happens, or should you be in too much pain.” I nod with my eyes closed and hear as his slippered feet pad out of the room.
“Come on, I’ll carry you.” Tobias whispers as he bends down to scoop up my legs. The jostling of my limbs causes a deep cramp in my abdomen, and I hiss in pain. He pauses for a second, looking down at me, before I nod. He steps around the bed, and I catch the sight of the pitcher.
“Wait, the nectar!” I say, louder than I intended. I hate the dependency I have on it, but I know the herbs will help ease the discomfort I feel.
“Don’t worry, Laris will bring it.” I look over Tobias’s shoulder and see one of the guards who stands outside our room walking in. He has dirty brown hair that is cropped close to his head and a little scruff on his jaw. His eyes are a piercing hazel, almost yellow. I recognize him as the one that walked me to my room yesterday. I close my eyes again and in what seems like seconds, we are back in our room.
“Can you stand for a second?” Tobias asks and I nod, opening my eyes halfway. He sets me down and holds out his arm to catch me if I lose balance. I shake my head and he turns around, heading for the dressing room. I walk slowly over to the bed, careful not to trip on my own feet, and lean against it while I wait for him to return. Gods I feel like I’ve been run over by a horse. When he reappears, he’s holding one of his t-shirts and a pair of shorts. He bends down and holds the shorts open for me.
“Step into it.” He commands and I grip his shoulder to steady me. He pulls them up and over my backside and up to my waist, electricity snapping at my skin wherever his fingers brush me. The cotton is soft, warm, as if Tobias himself is wrapped around me. “Hold your arms up.” I pause and look up at him nervously. I wasn’t entirely ready to be naked in front of him, something he was quick to pick up on, but it wasn’t just the intimacy I was afraid of. “Turn around and I’ll just see your back.” I nod slowly with a long exhale and do as he asks, slowly turning my body. He pulls the bloody nightdress off of me and freezes. “What thefuck?” He mutters. His fingers brush my back and I stiffen.Damnit.
“Tobias,” I whisper, frozen without a shirt on. “Tobias.” I repeat.
“Elaenor, what is this?” His voice is strained, clipped. “Did your father do this to you?” His fingers are frantically running over the scars, and I shiver. I know what he’s seeing.
He sees the twelve-inch puffy scars that line my back like stripes. Last time Scarlett had counted, there were 23 of them. All products of my father’s whippings when I made him unhappy. The small ones on my arms and legs are nothing compared to these. These had me laid up in bed with infection for weeks, nearly costing me my life. Not once did he come see me as around the clock menders worked on debriding the dead flesh before it spread to my blood or bones. The only thing he asked was when I would be healed enough for another punishment. Scarlett convinced them I needed an extra week's rest, but my father wasn’t quick to believe her lies. He added three more scars to my back before switching completely to the thinner whip on my thighs after the master said I wouldn’t survive another beating like that.
“Yes.” I whisper, my arms still up in the air. He slips the shirt over me and turns me around to face him, pulling my braid out front under the neckline. The soft cotton smells like him, cedar and smoke wafting around me. It’s long, almost longer than the nightdress, covering the shorts completely.
“I am going to kill him.” He whispers as he pulls me against his chest.
“Don’t. It doesn’t matter anymore.” He kisses the top of my head. As much as I want to dwell on the horrors I endured in Chatis, if I don’t let it go, I’ll spend the rest of my days depressed and on edge. I don’t like feeling vulnerable and if I was in a better mental state, I never would have let him see them. See my pain and my shame for allowing myself to be used as a whipping block.
“Yes, it does.” He responds, and I can feel the fury roiling off him like a heat wave.
He tucks me into the bed after I finish the nectar and climbs in on the other side. He doesn’t go under the covers, and instead, sits halfway up so he’s looking down at me. He put a shirt on at some point and changed into clean shorts, which only makes me hyper aware that someone cleaned the blood off of me in the infirmary.
Who hasn’t seen me naked at this point?
I am laying on my side, my hands tucked under my cheek as he settles himself against the headboard.
“Do you want to sleep?” He asks before reaching over and picking up the tail of my braid and twisting it between his fingers. I nod and he gently places it back down.
“Will you stay?” I ask, closing my eyes. I can feel him stiffen and then relax into the pillows.
“If that is what you wish.” I nod again and take a slow, deep breath. I can feel him moving around in the bed, before stilling again. I open my eyes and his face is only a few inches from mine, his blue eyes glowing in the darkness.
“Can I ask you something?” I ask, breaking the silence. It is his turn to nod this time. “How did I get to the infirmary? I heard Laris telling someone to put me down, but I was borderline unconscious and couldn’t make out who was carrying me.” He swallows loudly and I try to ignore the annoying ache deep in my belly. I can feel the tonic spreading through my veins like ice, but it’s not enough to get rid of every bit of discomfort. I know wisteria would have, and I probably should have let him give it to me, but being in a drug induced sleep scares me more than it would help.
“Theo. You wandered out into the hallway and nearly fell face first onto the marble. Laris was going to put you back in the room, but Theo came and took you.” I can hear the frustration in his voice.
“I’m sorry.” I know I shouldn’t be apologizing, but I don’t know what else to say. “I was trying to go to the bathroom to clean myself up. I was making a mess on the couch, so I was trying to fix it.”
“I don’t give a damn about the couch, I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” He’s rolling his lips and I can tell he’s stressed. I place my hand on his cheek, his stubble lightly poking my palm.
“Iamokay.” I whisper and close my eyes again. His breath mixes with mine as we lay there in silence. My cramps are still present, but I can almost take a full deep breath now.
“Can I askyousomething?” He says, copying me. I nod, my hand still on his cheek. “When you were taken, did you fight back?” My eyes open slightly, and I can just barely make out his in the darkness. Where did that come from?
“Yes, I did.” I say slowly. He exhales through his nose. “I was never taught how to protect myself, so there wasn’t much I could do. Despite how much I hate the word, I got lucky.” I admit. I am lucky and I will thank whatever gods made that happen every day that I am alive.
“How so?” I sigh.
