Page 30 of Glass and Bone
“The first guy, Jeremiah, was interrupted, and then Aleksander finished what he started. I knew I wasn’t strong enough to prevent them from raping me, so I just bid my time. I tried to fight back initially, but I barely made him flinch, it wasn’t worth my energy. I took my chance when it became available and kicked the dagger out of his hand. I didn’t know what I was doing, it was as if instinct kicked in.” I swallow and he places his hand over mine on his cheek, threading his fingers through mine. “When the dagger pierced his neck, he made these awful sounds. I know I didn’t have a choice, but it was horrible.” I shake my head, trying to get the sight out of my mind. I could still hear his gurgling and feel his body shaking as he took his last breath.
“Did they say anything?”
“He just kept saying that they couldn’t let Noterra win and get what they wanted.” He stays quiet. “I don’t know how he knew who I was. They were clean, no scars. I feel like they may have been noblemen, but they knew what they were doing. This wasn’t their first time attacking someone, that’s for certain. I am not entirely convinced that they weren’t going to kill me in the end, but I don’t even know what they were trying to accomplish.”
“It could have just been the carriage, an easy target.”
“No, I heard them talking about it. They said that someone told them when I was coming. They knew where to wait.” My voice gets quieter. “They planned this, Tobias.”
“They failed. That’s all you have to remember.” I can hear the urging in his voice, his need for me to believe that everything will be fine, but I can feel the nausea creeping in. The same discomfort that has been there since I knew the time to head to Noterra was growing close. Ever since I started to question my safety.
“Am I safe here, Tobias?”
“Yes, Elaenor. I promise that I won’t let anyone touch you.” I nod and close my eyes again. His hand stays on mine as we lay in silence. “Are you in pain?” I nod and adjust so I am laying more comfortably on my back, my hand slipping out from under his.
“It’s easy to ignore it with the nectar tonic thing. I just have to breathe through the waves of discomfort. It’s not as scary knowing what it is.”
“I thought you were dying.” He exaggerates.
“It wasn’t that bad.”
“Well it was bad to me. Imagine looking down and seeing me pouring blood from my cock.” He laughs as he says it and I giggle in response.
“Okay that would freak me out, too.” I admit. He reaches over and places a hand on my abdomen, his thumb sliding up and down on my stomach, warming the cotton between us.
“I’m happy you are here, Elaenor. Despite this marriage being forced on us, I couldn’t have picked a better bride.” He sounds sincere, like he’s telling the truth. I believe him. I smile softly before letting it fall from my face. My eyes are following the path of veins in the marble ceiling above, circling around the silver filigree, as I think of what to say.
“Did your father ever talk about me?” I ask.
“All the time. He used to get letters every few months discussing your age and personality. It was my favorite time and I looked forward to it.” I envy him. I didn’t have that luxury and if Evreux did send my father letters about Tobias, they were never shared with me. I close my eyes, taking a slow breath as I can feel the exhaustion setting in.
“My father used to talk about you. He used our engagement as a weapon. He said that if I didn’t behave, he was going to teach you how to whip me. He said he would force me to marry you earlier so you could keep me locked up for breeding.” I snort at the idea and his thumb stills on my stomach. I open my eyes and turn my head towards him. His face has hardened, from what I can see in the darkness, his eyes looking almost black.
“If I am ever given the chance, I will give him exactly what he gave you. I’ll whip him until his flesh is just barely hanging onto his bones and only then, after he has suffered, will I slice his throat and watch him bleed out.” My eyes widen and I swallow loudly.
The thought of my abuser getting the same treatment is fortifying, but the small part of me that still wishes my father loved me, feels saddened and horrified. Even if he wasn’t my father, his words, his thoughts, they are surprising. The fact that someone can think of doing something like that isn’t normal. At least I don’t think it is. I stay silent, my pulse pounding through the air, and I am almost convinced he can hear it. His thumb continues its caress, and I can feel his eyes on me.
“You don’t have to be scared of me.” He whispers, answering my unspoken thoughts.
“Are the rumors true?” The question pops out of my mouth before I could stop myself. I’m hoping he knows what I am referring to. I have to know, especially after the threat he just made. He’s silent for a second, his eyes unfocusing.
“I am not going to lie to you and say that I have stayed celibate waiting for you. I am also not going to deny preferring a rougher nature to the tenderness you are expecting, but I am not a monster. I have never done anything without consent and at any point those who have shared a bed with me were able to withdraw consent at any time.” I feel a weight lift off my shoulders and I relax slightly, my tense muscles loosening.
“Can I tell you something without you getting angry with me?” My voice comes out as a breathy squeak, and I almost roll my eyes at my body’s ability to make me appear weak.
“Depends.” He responds with a smirk, his left dimple barely visible in the darkness.
“Theo told me you prefer to share your bed with multiple women and have never favored monogamy.” He stills and then rolls on his back, his arm leaving my stomach and taking his warmth with him.
“First off, Theo needs to keep hisdamnmouth shut. This is why I didn’t want you talking to him. Second, why in the worlds would I get into a monogamous relationshipknowingthat at any point I would be forced to marry someone. I would never risk my heart or that of another knowing that it was a doomed relationship from the start. Any relationship I have had has been purely physical. I have purposefully kept emotions out of it so they could be saved for you.” Despite the irritation I’m sure he’s feeling, his voice remains even, almost desperate for me to believe him.
I don’t respond at first. He was saving any chance of love and emotions forme. That is why he slept around; it wasn’t because he was a monster. What if I am not enough? What if he craves a variety of bodies and women? What if he still seeks another lover? I wouldn’t be able to do anything about it.
“Will I be enough for you?” My voice comes out in a croak, my throat tight and my eyes burning with unshed tears as I look back at the ceiling. He rolls over quickly and puts his arm under me, pulling me to his chest, my back pressed up against his front.
“You already are, Elaenor.” His arms tighten around me as he presses his lips to my hair. I breathe in the scent of cedar and smoke, relishing in the comfort and warmth. “Get some sleep.”
It doesn’t take long before I let sleep find me.
