Page 111 of The Fallacy of True Love
Even as he slept, he caressed my stomach in small, gentle strokes.
It shouldn’t have alarmed me. His hand didn’t stray lower, though I wouldn’t mind if it did. He wasn’t awake to notice that my stomach wasn’t flat, not that he ever seemed to care about my weight. On the contrary, he made sure to let me know he enjoyed my body.
I felt safe with Alonzo in every sense of the word. I didn’t need to second-guess his intentions or doubt that he could handle the entirety of me—snark, pessimism, lack of filter, and all. Despite his inclination to push, he seemed to know when to pull back, and he respected my boundaries. He made me feel seen. Understood.
That was exactly what scared me. Because I never thought I’d have this. I never dreamt I’d be held like this, with no aim or demand, as though even his subconscious recognized me and needed to touch me. It was a pleasure that always seemed exclusively meant for other people, never me. Now that I had experienced it, I wanted more.
I wanted all his nights, and his days too, but we were down to these final hours together before we went back to our separate lives. Staying in Manila wasn’t an option, and I wouldn’t ask him to leave.
So I savored the moment, soaking in the weight of his arm around me. I tried to memorize the heat of his body as he snuggled against my side, the steady flow of his breaths whispering across my cheek.
I wished I could let him sleep until daybreak, but he needed to study. Now that I knew what drove his career decisions, I wanted to see him succeed, and even if he said he could make up for a bad day, he shouldn’t have to. Not on my account.
After giving him a few more minutes to rest, I nudged him awake.
“Huh?” Blinking, he squinted at me. “Maya.” His lips curled in a sleepy half-smile, and then he was moving over me, arms and legs wrapping around me in a full-body embrace.
I tried to push him away. “You need to study.”
The fog in his eyes cleared. “What time is it?”
“Quarter to four.”
“Hmm.” He nuzzled my neck.
“Study time, Alonzo,” I insisted, ignoring the shivers that coursed through me. “That was the deal.”
He groaned into my skin. “Right. Okay.” Yawning, he let go of me and stretched.
“Turn on the light,” I said. Meanwhile, my body shouted at me to pin him to the bed.
“You need to sleep.”
“I can do it with the light on.” To prove my point, I closed my eyes and willed my body to settle down.
He pressed his lips against my forehead.
Alonzo was kissing me, and it wasn’t charged with desire or frustration. It was just…comforting. Like his hand on my stomach as he slept.
“Alright. I’ll study,” he murmured, brushing his fingers through my hair. “Go back to sleep, Maya.”
I could have sworn that the last thing I could do was sleep. But I kept my eyes closed as the mattress shifted when he got up and the light came on and the bathroom door squeaked. There was the flush of the toilet and water running in the sink. And then his warmth settled next to me again.
Somehow, I fell asleep after all.
Alonzo
Stifling another yawn, I checked my watch. It was five minutes past the time I should have left, but I couldn’t leave without saying goodbye to Maya.
I couldn’t say goodbye, period.
Over the last two and a half hours, I pored over my readings while Maya snored lightly in the background. It should have lulled me back to sleep, but all it did was heighten my awareness of her presence and have me wishing I’d hear that every night.
I closed my book and put my laptop aside, wanting to make the most of the minutes I had with her before I absolutely had to go.
Her eyelids cracked open. “You’re still here,” she murmured, her words rough with sleep.
“Course I am.” My heart squeezed at the wonder on her face, as though she couldn’t believe I’d stayed. “Morning, Maya.”
