Page 76 of Only This Once
“Of course I’m angry. They hurt you, Jinx.You.” She shook her head as her knuckles turned white. “No one deserves what they did, but especially not you. You’re… I don’t even know how to explain it. Special, I guess.” She smiled at him, taking his breath away.
He wanted those words to mean more than they did. Her eyes were so clear, so earnest.
His chest was too tight not to say the words he’d been holding in for so long. “I’m in love with you, Julia.”
Her smile froze. “Jinx…” Her special nickname for him sounded hollow for the first time. “That’s just the sex talking. I mean, I heard you blurt it out while we were—”
“Oh God!” Jesse pressed his hands to his face. “Did I really do that?” He didn’t remember saying the words at all.
“It’s okay. Sex, especially the intense kind we’ve been having, can make you feel that way, but—”
“It’s not just the sex. This isn’t a new thing.” His heartbeat sped up. “I really do love you, Julia. I always have.”
She blinked at him. “What?”
“Sorry.” He swallowed the lump in his throat. He was messing this all up. “I should have told you before. A part of me kind of thought you knew.”
She shook her head, staring at him. “I didn’t know. I mean, Phoebe used to say you had a crush on me, but I thought…” Her hands dropped into her lap. “I’m fucking this up. I’m not really sure what to say.”
He knew what he’d been hoping to hear. He blinked back the threatening tears, shaking his head. “You don’t have to say anything. Sorry to throw that at you suddenly.” He reached blindly for the door handle.
“Wait!” She grabbed his arm.
He waited, but nothing else followed. The extra flash of hope left him even shakier when it burned away.
He forced a smile. “We’ll always be friends, right, Jules?”
Her hand loosened on his arm, falling away. “Always,” she promised, her voice sounding empty.
He nodded, exited the car, and escaped inside. For the first time, he didn’t look back for one more glimpse. He didn’t want to capture the image of her in his mind, not like this, when all she felt for him was pity.
Chapter 22
Julia’s sisters laughed around her, their voices fading to a buzzing drone. They all seemed happy tonight. Content and excited and secure. It was a good thing since she couldn’t pay attention at all.
The past week, she’d drifted on autopilot. She didn’t know what to do about Jinx’s confession. Was she supposed to do anything? He knew where she stood. He’d always known.
She’d texted him the next day to make sure he was okay, because they were friends. They’d always be friends.
He’d responded like normal. They’d texted back and forth a few times this week, and nothing had seemed any different. Because nothing was different, not really. Was it?
She had no idea. No one besides her family had ever told her they loved her before. Was this what was supposed to happen when someone said it? Was her focus supposed to be splintered, as if the confession had to take up a certain amount of allotted space in her mind?
“Jules?” Heather asked.
She looked up from the broccoli stem she’d been poking at on her plate. Her sisters were staring at her as if waiting for her to say something.
Since there was only one thing on her mind, she blurted out, “Jinx told me he’s in love with me.”
Rachel blinked, her hand pausing with her wineglass halfway to her mouth. Heather’s mouth opened, but no words came out. Even Maria seemed lost for what to say.
“Is it really that surprising?” Julia asked, her irritation flaring like it had all week. She wasn’t irritated at her sisters. No, she was irritated at herself. Jinx had assumed she’d known all along, and she kept expecting a part of her to have known, but it still felt foreign and strange.
“That his love confession is your something good? Yes, that’s pretty damn surprising!” Rachel said, draining her glass.
“What?” It was Julia’s turn to blink. “We were doing the something goods?” That’s what she got for not paying attention.
Maria grinned, practically bouncing. “I think it’s wonderful! Love is always a good thing.”
