Page 113 of In the Long Run
I exhale slowly.
Maybe I need to stop waiting for the right time, too.I tip my head back against the headrest before twisting to meet her gaze.‘Everything.’
‘Like?’She raises her eyebrows and my fingers flex against the steering wheel.I want to touch her so badly, but I don’t know if she wants me to.‘It’s okay, Knox.I’m okay.’She picks up my hand and links our fingers together.
The second our palms touch, a sense of calm descends on me.I’m home.Because maybe home isn’t just a place or a person.It’s a combination of everything you love and want to be surrounded by.
‘I was so scared,’ I admit.
She bites her bottom lip and a noisy breath rattles out of her throat.‘Me too.’
I lift her hand and press it against my chest, right over my heart.‘Is this okay?’
A quiet ‘Yes’ slips past her lips and she covers our clasped hands with her other one.‘I think everything’s going to be okay because it’s you.’
A lightness I would’ve thought was impossible only an hour ago diffuses throughout my body.
‘Should we just do it here?’she says, and I’m about to reply when she groans.‘I didn’t mean it like that.’
I hadn’t taken it that way, but it’s so good to hear her make a joke.The tiny smile on her face is the best one I’ve ever seen.
‘Please tease me.I want to be normal again,’ she says.
‘I don’t think I can.Not yet.’
She draws in a deep breath and squeezes my hand.‘I’m not going to apologise for being honest, but I am sorry that I’ve complicated things for you.With work and everything,’ she says.
‘You uncomplicated them, actually.’
‘Yeah?’
‘I did something silly the other night,’ I confess, smoothing my thumb over her knuckles.‘And I was scared to talk to you about it.’
Gen tilts her head to the side but doesn’t say anything.
‘I wanted to see what you thought about me saying no to the overseas posting and sticking around here, so I went to the Clamshell to see you.But then I heard you talking to your family.’I clear my throat but it doesn’t help.I glance up at her and push the words out.‘You said—’
‘Oh, God.’She scoots over as far as she can and nestles into my side.‘I didn’t mean it.’
I’m in danger of sliding off my seat, becoming a puddle of relief in the footwell.
‘We need to talk about this properly,’ she says.‘Stop hiding from ourselves.And each other.’
I press my lips to her forehead and breathe in her orange blossom scent, letting it soothe the rough edges of all the emotions I’ve been bombarded with today.More like, forever, actually.Gen’s here.In my arms.She’s safe.We’re on solid ground.It’s all going to be okay.
‘We do.’
Curling back against my chest, Gen sighs.‘I’d like to shower first.Will you stay with me?’
I’ll stay forever if she’ll let me.
And while she showers, I’ll make the phone calls I need to.
38
GEN
Knox is still here when I wake up, feet resting on the bottom of my bed, his big body folded into my desk chair.He’s drawn the curtains, but wisps of mid-afternoon light slip through, highlighting the scruff on his cheeks and the shadows underneath his eyes.
