Page 37 of The Duke's Concealed Vow
“Olivia is right, darling,” she said. “Patience is the best thing that you can give Rowan right now. Building a strong and lasting love often requires facing challenges and overcoming obstacles together. Communication and understanding are very important to helping a solid relationship work and grow.”
Serena nodded.
“You are both right,” she said, smiling at her most beloved women. “And now that Rowan has begun to open up to me, I feel that I can be more patient. For as long as I need to be. Now that I have glimpsed into who he truly is, I am willing to do whatever it takes to allow him to trust me completely.” And I am ready and willing to trust him, as well, she added silently.
Imogen nodded, embracing her niece.
“I know that you are,” she said.
As tea came to an end and she waved goodbye to her aunt and friend, Serena’s determination and hope refreshed anew. The support and advice from the two women had been invaluable in bolstering her spirits. She now felt as though she had the strength to face the challenges that lay ahead for Rowan and her, and their fragile marriage. She returned to the ball preparations with a new outlook on everything, eager to create a ball that was as memorable as it was successful.
Yet even as she immersed herself in the planning with great joy in her heart, there was a nagging feeling at the back of her mind. Despite all the things that were now feeding her hope, she couldn’t shake the feeling that there were still secrets and obstacles to overcome in her relationship with Rowan. The cryptic nature of their arranged marriage and the walls that Rowan had built around himself still weighed on her. Shethought about what Olivia had said, and she was sure that her friend was right. But how could she help heal the wounds if she didn’t even know what they were?
Serena gave herself a firm mental nod, summoning all her determination. She would be patient and understanding with her husband. But she would also find a way to break through his walls. She wanted to know everything, including the truth behind their union and the reasons for Rowan’s guarded nature. She was his wife and she deserved to know. But she was also growing to care deeply for him. And seeing him hurt was painful to her, as well.
Chapter Seventeen: Rowan
The next day, Rowan found himself pulled from his study, and the papers requiring signatures that lay spread all over his desk, and toward the library. It had always been one of his favorite rooms in Dalenwood Manor. However, since his talk with Serena in there, it felt even more like the most inviting room in the mansion. Perhaps, in all of London. His mind was heavy with the weight of his secrets. But if there was anything that could lighten that burden, it would be his books.
But as he entered the room, he noticed he would not be alone. Serena sat in the bay window, holding a book close to her face, clearly engrossed in whatever she was reading. He stood staring at her for a minute, appreciating the fact that just three days prior, their positions had been reversed. He also noted how the sunlight coming in through the window made her hair shine like spun gold and brought out a slight pink blush to her cheeks.
Before he could speak, Serena looked up, as if sensing his eyes on her. When she caught his gaze, she smiled warmly at him, her features brightening immediately.
“Rowan,” she said, setting aside her book and moving over on the cushioned bench in front of the window. “Please, do come join me.”
Rowan smiled, letting his burden melt, if only a little. He took a seat beside his wife and glanced at what she was reading.
“Sense and Sensibility,” he said, recalling her story from their first accidental meeting in the library. “Did you need to remind yourself that they are not the same word?”
Serena’s laugh rang through the library, and his heart skipped. He had not forgotten how lovely her laughter was. But hearing it anew was as if waking from a nightmare and entering the most beautiful of heavens.
“I assure you that I remembered this time,” she said. “The first is sometimes common and the second is often delicate.”
It was Rowan’s turn to laugh, and he did so boisterously. She was funny as well as clever and smart, and of course, even more beautiful than ever before as the morning sun painted her in an angelic glow. Compared to him, he supposed she was an angel. And for a moment, even his demons could not ruin the vision before him. Serena was genuinely happy to see him. And he found that he was glad to see her, as well.
However, as he took a seat beside his lovely wife, he felt a mix of comfort and apprehension. He recalled how he had felt more comfortable with her than he had with anyone, even Harry, in his entire life. But with everything he still kept secret from Serena, his mind was never completely at ease. His books brought him solace. But his thoughts never truly rested.
Seeming to sense his tension, Serena gave him another kind smile.
“Rowan,” she said in the gentlest voice he had ever heard. “I do not mean to ruin such a lovely morning. However, I do wish to say something. I am well aware that there is some very specific reason why you married me. I want you to know that you can trust me, and I want to trust you, too. But to do that, I need you to tell me what led you to choose to arrange a marriage with me.”
Rowan bit his cheek, glancing at his wife’s face beforeaverting his gaze. He no longer balked at the notion of opening up to Serena. She had proven to be interested in hearing anything he had to say, and she was incredibly kind and compassionate. Right then, however, he was torn. He recognized that he had rapidly blooming feelings for Serena. But he was also afraid of rejection. Even the sweetest of hearts could turn sour when they were wounded or frightened. What if she rejected him once he told her everything?
Of course, she will reject you, he thought bitterly, his own image sneering at him with repulsion in his mind. Do you really think she would want to remain married to you once she finds out why you truly married her?
Rowan knew that the truth and the vow he made could shatter the delicate bond he was forming with his wife. Not until that moment had he cared about the thought of Serena rejecting him. He had married her now, fulfilling the vow he’d made. But right then, as he thought about life without her and pictured her looking at him with horror and betrayal in her eyes, rather than the warmth that radiated from them in that moment, he was filled with freezing, paralytic dread. He hadn’t meant to, but he had quickly become attached to her presence. To lose her now would devastate him.
However, he thought about what his mother had said. The truth wasn’t the only thing that could drive her away. His continued unwillingness to be honest with her and give her the answers for which she was begging would also push her away. He was hardly prepared for the decision that lay before him. But he knew he needed to make it. And he knew what it must be.
“Some of this might not make sense to you,” he said, choosing his words carefully. “But my father and I were once very close. And when he died, I made promises to him that I swore that I would fulfill.”
Serena nodded, listening just as intently as she had when hetold her the story about Benjamin.
“And I was one of those choices?” she asked. There was no judgment or malice in her voice. Only confusion and curiosity. “But you are right. This still does not make much sense.”
Rowan nodded.
“Sometimes, it does not make much sense to me, either,” he admitted. “But after father died eight years ago, after the way he died, I felt that the only way I could do the right thing by him, especially after the way we… we left things the day he died, was to throw myself wholly into my ducal responsibilities. I was most resistant to marriage before he died, and that was the one thing I swore I would do, no matter what. But with all the responsibility on my shoulders at the time, inheriting the dukedom so many years before I expected to do so, I knew that was something that would need to wait.”
