Page 38 of The Duke's Concealed Vow
Serena continued listening, and Rowan dared a glance at her eyes. The understanding and warmth were still there, as was a silent urge to continue. However, he knew he could not say much more, lest he slip and reveal the true secret of his vow to marry her.
“Please, Rowan, continue,” she said. “I want to remind you that you can tell me anything at all. I am your wife, and I want to support you through anything. But you must allow me to do so.”
Rowan nodded. He could not tell her the whole truth, not even in that moment. However, he owed it to her. He owed her something. And he was too afraid of losing her to ignore his instincts on that matter.
“You know that my father died,” he said. “However, you do not know how.”
Serena’s eyes widened only for a brief second. Clearly, he had surprised her. But she recovered quickly, giving him a warm smile and reassuring nod.
“That is correct,” she said.
Rowan nodded.
“It was a boating accident out on our lake,” he said. “He went out ahead of a storm and got caught out in it when it hit. It was too powerful for him to return to the shore, and he drowned. That is the reason why until we were married, I preferred to stay in the townhouse in London.”
Serena gasped softly, covering his hand with hers instinctually.
“I am truly sorry, Rowan,” she said. “That must have been horrible for you and your mother.”
Rowan swallowed a scoff. It was not Serena’s fault that the death of the late duke drove such a grand wedge between mother and son. It is mine, he thought bitterly.
“Thank you, Serena,” he said. “And as you can imagine, I withdrew a bit into myself after his death. It was so unexpected, you see, and I loved my father dearly. But there was also the heavy responsibility that fell to me upon his passing. I became duke far earlier in my life than I expected. I believed that I would have many years before that mantle was mine. Thus, I did not take the ducal responsibilities as seriously as I should have. Father and I discussed that fact at length more than once before he died.”
He took a breath, stopping himself just before he told her about the argument they had before he died.
“In the years since his passing, I have felt terrible guilt and shame for the way I was then,” he continued. “So, I took on those burdens, heavy though they were, and I have done everything I can to focus on everything that a duke must do, according to my father’s teachings. But that weight quickly overtook me, and though I struggled against it, as I often do now, by working harder than ever before in my life, I felt like it would consume me.”
Serena listened intently, gently squeezing his hand andlooking at him with the kindest, most reassuring eyes he had ever seen.
“I cannot imagine how difficult that must have been for you,” she said. “To lose your father before taking on such big responsibilities and losing the guidance he might have offered until you were ready. I know the pain of losing a parent, as I lost my mother. And while I have missed her dearly at every one of my life’s milestones, I know it must have been infinitely more difficult for you in your position.”
Rowan blinked, surprised at her empathy. Even knowing her warm, kind nature, he had not expected such understanding from her. But at the mention of her mother, he blanched. He was glad for the reminder, as he might have completely opened up to her and told her everything, including the secret vow.
“I do recall hearing of your mother’s passing,” he said. “And I am sorry for your loss, as well. As morbid as it is, it seems that is another thing we have in common.”
Serena nodded, giving him another heartwarming smile.
“It is not morbid,” she said softly. “It is mere fact. We lost parents who were dear to us. And we have had to navigate life without them since. And I want you to know that I want to help share your grief. You do not need to do it all alone anymore, Rowan.”
Rowan allowed himself to turn over his hand and take hers, giving it a brief squeeze.
“Nor do you, Serena,” he said. He began to feel hope that with time and patience, he might learn to trust Serena fully. If there was ever anyone who deserved his trust, it was certainly her.
Yet even as he took the tentative first steps of opening himself to his wife, Rowan knew the road ahead would not be easy. The full truth of his vow and the circumstances leading to their marriage still hung heavily over him. He knew they were aterrible treat to the fragile trust they had only just built. But he needed to keep his secrets a bit longer. He was unaccustomed to letting people share in his pain. And with secrets so big, he could hardly just expose them in such a sudden fashion.
“Thank you for sharing these things with me, Rowan,” she said. “I am glad to know this much more about you. It helps me feel closer to you. And I am always happy to talk with you like this any time you wish.”
Rowan smiled. Though he felt trepidation, he also felt tremendous relief. He knew that he had to find the courage to confront his past and his secrets if he ever hoped to have a true and lasting relationship with his wife. But he was finally starting to believe that was possible.
“Thank you for listening and being so considerate,” he said. “That means the world to me, and I shan’t forget your kindness.”
Serena beamed at him as she released his hand.
“I am glad,” she said.
He rose from his seat with a heavy sigh.
“I am afraid that now, I must tend to more of those aforementioned duties,” he said. He was serious, but he made an exaggerated face for the sake of hearing Serena laugh once more. She did, and his heart melted.
“I understand, Rowan,” she said. “I look forward to seeing you at dinner.
Rowan gave her a small bow, making her giggle again.
“Until then, Your Grace,” he said.
