Page 71 of Emerald Moon
“Not a problem.We’re just using the kitchen in the back.You’re going to teach me how to make macarons.”
Jo stopped on the path.“I don’t know.My heart is pretty ooey-gooey right now and if I mess up, it’ll just be proof that I can’t do anything right.”
Wil spun around, her skirt swirling around her.“We’re on the hunt for truths, remember?And you need to remember that it feels nice to make something with your own hands.It’s grounding.Always helps me to paint when I feel bad.You paint with sugar.”
Jo liked the image that evoked and smiled, something small and brittle, but still there.“And a few other ingredients.”
“There’s a reason I work in the front.I know where my strengths lie.But you know I do love following a recipe.Steps give order to things.It’s lovely.”Wil shoved her hands into her pockets and rocked on the balls of her feet.“Still trust me?”
Anxiety was winning, but Wil was fairly convincing.Jo was nervous they’d get yet another thing wrong, but baking with Wil would be nice regardless.“Yeah, lead the way.”
It was still early in the afternoon, so when they got there, Emmaline was busy making magic in the back while Lock helped out.
“Just going to do some baking, if that’s alright,” Wil announced.“We’ll keep out of the way.”
Emmaline smiled at the two of them, nodding and getting back to work.Lock gave them both a wink before disappearing through the swinging doors to the front with a tray full of fresh fruit tartlets.
“Okay,” Jo said, as much to signal to Wil that they were starting as it was to prep themselves for trying to do something right.“We’ll need almond flour, powdered sugar, regular sugar, egg whites, and a pot going on the stove so we can dissolve the sugar.”
Jo felt like they were moving in slow-motion through a dream world.They kept forgetting steps and pausing with a blank look on their face while they searched through the brain fog for what was next.But Wil was patient, so Jo tried to be patient with themselves.Once muscle memory took over, it was easier to remember what to do, but tougher to remember to explain to Wil what they were doing.Wil took it in stride, though, watching Jo and keeping up with her own batch of macarons.
When they started to pipe the mixture for the macaron shells, Jo noticed Wil’s was a little runnier than it should be.“It should be a little thicker than lava,” they said.
Wil gave them a puzzled look.“How do I know what the consistency of lava is?”
Jo shrugged, stepping over to help fold in more dry ingredients.“I don’t know.A recipe book I used to learn how to make these said that and it stuck.Just, like, imagine what lava looks like on TV and stuff and make it a little thicker than that.”
Wil laughed and Jo felt themselves on the brink of laughter, too, but it didn’t quite bubble over.
With the macaron shells in the oven, Jo showed Wil how to make a strawberry cream she picked to fill their macarons.They were halfway through piping the filling when they realized they felt a whole lot less awful than they did before.The tiredness remained, but the spiraling thoughts had grown quieter.Wil had been right, like she always was.Jo looked over at where Wil was bent over at her station, eyebrows scrunched together as she focused on piping, and they smiled, the first genuine one since they’d smiled with Cass at the wedding before everything exploded.
twenty-two
Jowassomewhereinbetween sleep and being awake when a knock startled both them and Dolly.It was well past noon and Jo probably should have been awake already, but working at the bakery had taken a lot of effort the night before.They were glad they’d done it, though, because Wil was right — doing things with their hands helped keep their mind from spiraling.But it still took a lot out of them, and they’d fallen asleep without a shower the night before and stayed in bed since.
Someone knocked again.“Jo, it’s Diah.Someone’s here for you.”
That was enough to make Jo sit upright in bed, eyes wide.They took in the state of their side of the room and the state of themselves.Jo looked like they’d been through it the past few days.Their hair was messier than usual and they were wearing questionably clean items they’d picked off the floor the night before.
“Who?”Jo called out.
“She said her name was Cass.Want me to send her up?”
“No!”Jo panicked.“I’ll come down and meet her.Thanks.Just give me a second.”They rushed into the bathroom to see the damage, tried to smooth down their hair, and gave up.They opted for a baseball cap and threw a clean sweatshirt over top of their clothes.It was big and it smelled good, so it’d hide everything else, even if it was too warm to wear it.
They took one last look in the mirror, grimaced, and made their way downstairs.
Jo spotted Cass first, standing in the entrance to the pack house in a short-sleeved shirt buttoned all the way up, of course.They couldn’t see from this far away, but they hoped the pattern was tiny birds.Cass stood still as stone, no fidgeting, and she was holding a bouquet of flowers.For a second, Jo let themselves feel excited before the feeling mixed together with all the leftover guilt.
“Hey Cass,” Jo said as they descended the last of the stairs.
Cass visibly brightened, her eyebrows shooting up, the corner of her lips curving into a gentle smile.She held out of the flowers.“I got these for you from the shop today.It’s what you do when someone you care about is unwell, and I thought they might make you feel better.I also added some cheerful songs to our playlist.”
Again, that bittersweet mix of hope and shame bubbled up inside of them.They took the flowers, their hands brushing against one another.“Thank you,” they said, barely above a whisper.“I’m sorry,” they said next because nothing else felt right.
“For missing coffee?It’s alright.I understand.”
Jo shook their head.“I’m sorry for a lot of things.”They glanced around, hearing footsteps behind them.“Do you want to go out on the deck to talk?”Jo looked over their shoulder, considering.“No, actually, it’s, like, a thousand degrees outside with humidity just as high.We could go to my room, but it’s a huge mess.Well, my side is.Wil’s is always immaculate.If you don’t judge a messy room, we could talk there.”
