Page 70 of Emerald Moon
“Oh?”
The scene played out in Jo’s mind again and a mix of excitement and guilt swirled around inside of them.“It started when we were dancing.No, that’s not right.It was the whole night?Maybe the past few weeks?”
Jo shared what happened, everything from Cass admitting that she’d tried to kiss Jo in the tent to the actual kiss at the wedding.Their cheeks grew hot and rosy as they spoke.“And then she said she loved me.”
Wil took everything in for a beat.“Judging from how you just said that, I’m guessing it didn’t go well, but I can’t imagine why.”
“Are you sure?It’s me we’re talking about here, Wil.I stepped in my own way, big time.I shoved both feet in my mouth.Actually, that would have been better than what I actually did because then my dumb words couldn’t have come out instead.I was all, like, ‘why’ and ‘it’s too soon.’And then she walked away and I ran into my mom and everything got gross and weird.
“But even after all that, at the end of the night when I needed someone, Cass was there for me.I’d hurt her and she shouldn’t have comforted me, but she did anyway.”Jo looked Wil in the eyes.“She is, and I mean this with all the sincerity I can muster, way too good for me.”
“But what do you want?”
“To make things right with her somehow?I don’t know.”
“Yes, you do.”Wil sat up, smoothing her skirt before she spoke again.“And I don’t just mean apologizing or whatever else your heart is telling you that you need to do.I mean, you know what else you want.”
Jo sank their head between their hands, tangling their fingers in their hair.“I don’t know.”
“You know, you just don’t think you deserve it.”
Jo stared at their lap.“I don’t.”
Speaking those two words out loud hurt.They meant it.In no version of the universe were they good enough for Cass.They could maybe be her friend if they got it together, but they didn’t deserve anything else with her.
Jo felt the bed dip beside them.They didn’t look over, but they felt Wil’s shirt sleeve on their arm.“You’ve got a perspective problem.You’re too close to the canvas and you haven’t looked away in a while, so all you see are the parts you hate.It wouldn't hurt to take a step back and view things differently.”
Despite themselves, Jo cracked a grin.It was a very Wil way to explain the situation.“I’ve only got the one brain.It sees things how it sees things.”
Wil leaned over, bumping their shoulders together.“Maybe when your brain is being less awful to you, you’ll be able to see things more clearly.”
“When I’m like this, this feels like the truest form of everything.It feels like this is the only truth and every other time I’m kidding myself and tricking everyone around me into liking me when, in reality, I’m the worst.”
“Sounds like you need some new truths, then.”Wil stood up and Jo watched her socked feet on the rug turn towards them.
They lifted their head and saw Wil standing there with her arms outstretched, palms up.She tilted her head towards the window that overlooked the front yard.
“Come on.”
“I really don’t know if I have anything left in me.”
“And if you truly don’t, I will let you rest and try again later, but if you trust me, you should come with me.”
“I’m not worth helping.”
“I highly disagree.”Wil closed and opened her palms.“Come on.”
Dolly chose that moment to roll over on the bed and make a high-pitched squeaking sound.
“See?Dolly agrees with me.”
With a heavy sigh, Jo placed both hands in Wil’s and let themselves be hoisted upright.Wil didn’t make them change, so they were surprised when they both put on shoes and walked out the front door.
“Where are we going?”
“To the bakery.”
“Oh, I am not presentable for customers right now.”Jo looked down at their wrinkled band shirt and old basketball shorts.
