“What?”Sera dropped her hands and stared at her Alpha.
“Seraphine.”The fight had drained from Parisa’s eyes.“I will ask again and I want to know, truly want to know, why you stepped in.Even if you’re not sure, tell me what you’re thinking.I can see the storm behind your eyes.Why did the wolf emerge?”
“I told you.It’s because I’m weak.”
“You’re not weak.”
“I don’t know.”
“Please, tell me.”Parisa’s voice broke as she spoke.
“Not like this.”
“Why?What is it?Sera, if you don’t tell me I can’t help you.If something’s wrong —”
Even after everything she’d done to Parisa and the pack, her Alpha was worried about her.Sera choked on a sob and this time she couldn’t hold it back.“The wolf took over because I saw you get hurt and it set something off inside of me, something I couldn’t contain because I — are you sure you want to know?”
“Yes.”
Sera’s heart was thunder in her chest.Her mouth was dry.She closed her eyes and had to force out every syllable.“Because I love you and it made me act foolishly and dangerously.And I’m sorry.I’ll never speak of this again.I just hope you don’t think less of me after I —”
Parisa cradled Sera’s face between her palms.Sera gasped.She opened her eyes, mouth wide open in shock.Parisa’s green eyes flickered, watery in the dim lighting.
Sera’s lip trembled.“Please don’t think less of me now.”
Parisa shut her eyes and brought their lips together.Sera melted into the touch, her body shaking with the force of her surprise and want swirling together in her chest.
Hope flooded her body, making her fingertips and toes tingle.She was floating and the only thing tethering her to this earth was Parisa’s hands on her skin, and her warm, soft lips touching her own.Her hands shook as she placed them on Parisa’s waist.Parisa gasped against her skin.Decades had led to this moment without Sera realizing it.All the pieces were fitting together.
Parisa pulled back and Sera chased after her, not ready for it to be over.Her eyes fluttered open and she expected to see some of this elation reflected in Parisa’s eyes, but they were dark and empty.
Parisa stroked Sera’s cheek with her thumb.“Seraphine, I have always loved you.But this can never happen.”She fell into the crook of Sera’s neck, her lips brushing against her skin and whispered, “It will never happen.”
Parisa let go of her and took several steps backwards.The chasm between them was wider than ever.“The pack comes first, always.I am not allowed to have everything I want.Alphas and Betas are never involved and there are too many reasons why.Sera, I —” Her voice cracked.“It gets easier to stifle how you feel with time.”
Parisa bowed her head, eyes trained on the floor, and left her study, closing the door with a harsh thud behind her.
Sera stood in the center of the room, stunned from having everything she’d dreamed of ripped away the second she had it.She brought her hand up to her lips.They still held the memory of Parisa’s soft touch, but that’s all it would be forever.
seventeen
Serawalkedaroundthepack house like a newborn foal on shaky legs.Days had passed since Parisa kissed her and the tension in the house had eased.Parisa was talking to her again, but Sera couldn’t force herself to fit into her same routine.Again she felt like she was mourning a life that didn’t get to exist.In some other universe there was a Sera who got to kiss Parisa whenever she wanted and they didn’t have to dance around one another pretending like they both didn’t know how the other felt.
It was a welcome distraction to walk out to see three of her packmates in a circle in the hallway playing rock, paper, scissors.Lock and Harry were howling with laughter as they chose the same thing several times in a row.Diah walked up beside them.
“You both have a pattern,” Diah pointed out.
“No, I don’t!”Harry laughed, throwing out scissors the same time Lock did.
“I think I figured yours out.Let’s go again.”He readied his arm but turned to see Sera at the last second.He stood up straighter.“Hey there, Beta.”
“Good to see you all in high spirits,” Sera said.
“We’re letting fate decide who has to cover for Olive tonight during late shift,” Harry explained.
Diah grinned and waggled her eyebrows.“She’s got a date tonight.”
Sera perked up.“Do we know who with?”