Page 54 of Violet Moon
“Because I love her.”
“Then you need to talk to her.”
Sera clutched a pair of white daisies in her fist.She raised her hand to knock on Parisa’s office door, but before her knuckles touched the wood, there was a call from inside, “Come in.”
Sera took a steadying breath and stepped inside, willing her legs to stop shaking as she did.Parisa was sitting at her desk, leaning back, her hands tucked neatly in her lap.Her mouth was a tight, thin line.
“Hi.”She placed the daisies on Parisa’s desk.“I brought you flowers and a much needed explanation.”
Parisa said nothing.Her eyes tracked Sera as she stepped around the room, wondering what to do with herself.She made several false starts before she shoved her body down in her usual chair across from Parisa.
“Just daisies today.”Her voice sounded strange in her ears.She glanced at Parisa and her heart started racing.Her mouth moved without her permission.“Emmaline said these could mean ‘I’m thinking of you.’They show attachment.Which is all to say — I don’t know what I want to say.Just that I miss you and I’m sorry.I’ve done nothing but think about this over and over and I want to tell you why I did that horrible thing.”
“Why you made me look weak in front of my challenger?”
Sera dropped her head briefly.“Yes.”
Parisa tented her fingers in front of her chin.“By all means, enlighten me.”
“It wasn’t because I thought you would lose.It wasn’t because I thought you were weak.I never thought you were weak.He’s nothing compared to you.”Now that she was sitting in front of Parisa, she couldn’t bring herself to say anything of the things she’d imagined while she was in the greenhouse.She knew it would be hard, but now it was impossible.
She kept rambling.“I thought I owed it to you to tell you why, but it’s not an excuse.My behavior was inexcusable.I know that, too.It was never my intention to make you seem weak.”
“I never assumed you had bad intentions.”
“You didn’t?”
“Don’t get me wrong, I was furious — I still am — but I’ve known you too long to think ill of you.”
The words lifted Sera’s spirits for half a second before the weight of what she had to say came crashing down on her.Despite everything, Parisa still thought the best of her and now Sera was going to have to reveal everything that made her too weak to be the Beta of her pack by Parisa’s side.
“You should, though.I don’t have a reason for why I did what I did.”
“Then why are you here?You told me you had an explanation.”
Sera gripped the fabric of her pants tight within her balled up fists.“I can’t tell you why.”
Parisa let out an exasperated sigh.Her eyes narrowed.“If I matter to you at all, I’m begging for your honesty.”
“I don’t want to tell you like this.I thought the flowers would help, but this feels all wrong.”
“Tell me what?”
Sera stood.The chair creaked as it skidded along the wood floor.“Please, can I talk to you another time?When I have the right words?When I haven’t made such a fool of myself and —”
“I need to know now or I will assume the worst when I play this over and over again in my mind and try to come up with my own explanations.”
“I can’t explain it!”Sera clenched her hands into tight fists.“The wolf took over.I saw you being hurt and I couldn’t control myself.I’m weak, too weak to handle this, any of this!”
Parisa stood, circling her desk and coming nearer.“Why did the wolf take over?”
Sera’s bottom lip trembled.She covered her face with her hands.“I told you, I’m weak!I was weak when you found me and I’m weak now, too.I haven’t changed.”
“No, you haven’t.”
Sera felt her body shaking with sobs she trapped inside.
“And for that I’m grateful.”
