Page 13 of North
“You should have,” I muttered.
“Yeah. Maybe you’re right. I don’t give you enough credit. I’m telling you now though. I didn’t leave because of you or the kiss or anything like that. I left because I had to distance myself from Izzy. I saw her spiraling. I wanted you to come with me because I knew I could shelter you from the storm your mother was about to become. When you declined, I thought it was for the best because I couldn’t trust myself around you.” He gritted those last words out like they sawed against his resolve.
They definitely sawed against mine.
“Why not?” I asked. My voice was surprisingly nonchalant for someone whose hands were trembling and thighs were clenched in a knot.
“I just didn’t,” he snapped. I could tell he wasn’t snapping at me though. He was fighting something inside himself.
“So you didn’t leave because of the kiss but you stayed away because of it.”
“I stayed away because I thought you wanted space after the kiss. I thought…I don’t know what the fuck I thought. I know I should’ve done more. I should have plucked you out of that hellhole no matter what you said.”
“I was too stubborn,” I confessed quietly, folding my fingers into my palm. “I wouldn’t have let you take me. I was hell-bent on helping Mom but she didn’t want my help. Only my money. Only what I could give her. She took and took but never put anything back.” Remembering the careless way Mom hollowed my heart leaving pulp and blood in her wake pissed me off. “At least I know you won’t take anything from me.”
“Never. All I want is a chance to make up the past year to you. I want a chance to apologize for being selfish and scared. For not letting you know the divorce had nothing to do with you.” His knuckles brushed against my cheekbone. “I want a chance to start over. I want to put the kiss behind us,” he said. But the kiss still hovered above us like a cloud of uncertainty. Clearly, both of us held in tiny bits of truth we were scared to speak out loud.
I nodded at his promise of a new start anyway. He was trying to make things right and I was starving for something right. I needed something in my fucked up life to go the way I wanted. I could pack the kiss away if it meant I’d get to experience some sort of normalcy. I’d try to hide my feelings as best I could and hopefully they’d vanish on their own.
“I want that too, Dad,” I told him, tucking a silky chunk of red hair behind my ear. He tensed a little then let out a dry chuckle.
“Somehow, I feel like we’ve moved past you calling me Dad.”
I laughed in response and nodded my head. He was right. “Okay, Kane.” His name felt solid and sure moving past my lips. It felt right.
I wanted more things to feel right with him.
…
CHAPTER 6
After the tension of unspoken words came to a head between North and me in the truck, things between us flowed easier. I had to mention that fucking kiss but we navigated it well. Even though I had to hold back a lot, I told North the kiss didn’t push me away and it was true. She hit the nail on the fucking head when she called me out on the reason Istayedaway.
That fucking kiss.
The kiss that let me know I wasn’t in control of anything.
When she pressed her warm body against mine, my dick reacted immediately and a secret I’d kept from myself had finally been revealed. The fact that my dick stiffened beneath North paled in comparison to the way my heart thundered and my mind sighed with relief.
Sick.
Sick.
Sick.
She was sixteen. I was supposed to love her and protect her…teach her. Not get a hard-on from a kiss that blind-sided me.
You wanted it too.
I squashed the voice in my head the moment it reared its head. We decided to put the kiss behind us. I was more than willing to forget it ever happened and concentrate on a new relationship with North. One where I saw her as the beautiful young lady she’d grown up to be. One where she called me Kane instead of Dad.
I carried North’s shopping bags upstairs and to her room. It already smelled like her after one day.
Cherries.
Tooth-achingly sweet, cherries.
I smelled them tangled in her red strands when she wrapped her arms around my neck in a hug. “Thank you so much, Dad…I mean, Kane. Thank you, Kane.” I knew I made a bad fucking decision by telling her to call me Kane. Hearing my name tumble from her mouth plucked at feelings I was determined to seal under a thick slab of concrete.
