Page 83 of Bear
“Lu had one of her memory lapses and mentioned something about your reaction to finding out I was your mother. I never said anything because I didn’t want to startle her and I didn’t want her to lash out and get angry but…” Lane shook her head and slid her hand along the side of my face. I leaned into her touch because it felt like a fucking fairytale. It felt like grabbing something out of a dream and pulling it back into reality.
“I promised her I wouldn’t say anything to you about knowing. She doesn’t want my father to pick up on it. She’s scared and rightfully so,” I said with a sigh.
“I understand.” Lane’s hands trembled so hard I had to grab them in mine.
“Lane, I don’t hold anything against you, okay? I know you were doing what you felt you had to do to keep both of us alive. I’m not knocking you for it. That was a fucked up situation to be in. I’m just glad you weren’t dead like Dad told me. I’m glad you’ve been around all this time even if I didn’t know it.”
“He told you I was dead?” When she scowled, I definitely saw myself in her.
“Yeah. He told me not to ask about you so I didn’t. I kept all my thoughts and feelings locked up inside. I figured you weren’t dead though.”
“Bear, I’ve done everything I could to watch you grow up. You have no idea how hard it was to watch you behind a fucking glass. I couldn’t hold you when you were sick. I couldn’t tell you that it was okay to have feelings and that you didn’t have to be like Griff.” She touched my hair again and turned her head but I still saw the tears shimmering in her brown eyes.
“He only wanted you because he knew it would murder my heart. He knew I would choose to stay alive and keep you alive and that I’d do anything to see to it that you were okay.”
“I know,” I said, hanging my head. The mixture of relief and agony were potent inside my chest. “I’m glad you’re here now but we can’t establish any kind of relationship until things die down after Dad gets out.”
“Bear, he’ll never allow us to have a relationship. You know that. He’d kill one of us just to crush the other. He never wanted you and me to be close because he knew…he knewI’d make sure you had a good heart.” Lane’s lips trembled and the tears dying to escape her pretty eyes finally rolled down her cheeks. She wiped them away quickly and I saw where I got my determination and stubbornness from immediately.
“I know what has to be done.” I walked to the window and stared at the trees outside. The sun was stretching across the sky, lighting the world up. Erasing the hours before my father would be a free man.
“Do you?” Lane asked, walking up behind me. “There’s only one way to stop your father, Bear. He’s not going to let you go. He’ll never let you be free. You’re the only son he has left.
It’s been twenty-seven years since I’ve been with him and I’m still not free. You know I tried to get married after Griff?” I turned to look at her. Disbelief painted my face.
“You did?”
“I did. My fiancé was found shot in the head the day before our wedding. It was a clear message from Griff that I wasn’t allowed to move on. I never wanted to put another man in that kind of danger so I haven’t bothered dating since.
Your father forgot what it means to have a heart. He fell into the trap that power and control equal respect and love. He’s wrong but he won’t ever see it. Unfortunately the Griffon I fell in love with all those years ago is dead and gone. He’s a slave to all the wrong things and there’s only one way to deal with him.”
Lane and I locked eyes and I knew she understood what I had to do. I saw it written all over her face. I mean, she’d spent years with Dad and she knew what type of heinous shit he did on a regular basis. It wasn’t a new concept to her. I still felt a thin veil of guilt covering me when I thought about admitting to her out loud that I was going to kill the father of her only child. The man she used to love.
She wanted me to grow up with a good heart and here I was about to kill…again. I’d lost count of how many men had met my bullets. My neck throbbed with the gravity of it all.
“Will you think any less of me once I do what I have to do?” I asked her through clenched teeth.
“No, baby. I won’t. I understand this isn’t an easy task for you and if I had my way you would’ve never been submerged in this black and tainted life to begin with. I suppose I knew what I was getting into when I chose Griff though. He was tortured from the start. Even when we were kids. I thought I could heal him. I was wrong.”
“Ifhe’sbeyond redemption then…” Like she knew my thoughts she took my face in her hands and made me look at her. She reminded me of Cecily when she did that.
“You arenotGriffon. You are not beyond redemption. Even the darkest sinner can be raised up in the light. Don’t let him taint you.”
“Iamhim, Lane. I’m doing what he would do. I’m moving how he would move because he’s all I’ve known. I don’t know how to be good. I’m trapped in this fucking curse he put on me. The only good thing in my entire universe is Cecily. If I can save her from him I’ll feel like maybe I’m not the devil like everyone thinks.” A sad smile lifted my lips.
“Save Cecily from Griffon?” Lane’s eyes narrowed as she looked at me for something more concrete. With a heavy sigh that folded my shoulders toward my chest, I took a seat on the couch and told her what my father requested. I told her if Cecily refused to fuck him that he would force her to.
She had no reason to think I was lying.
She knew my father better than anyone.
Once again, the thought of him hurting Cecily rattled my bones and made my hairs stand on end. Lane curled her fingers and rested them on her lips in contemplation.
“If you love her at all, and I think you do, you cannot let your father get his fucking hands on her.”
“I know. Trust me, Lane this won’t go beyond tomorrow. Dad’s first day out is going to be his last.” Every cell inside of me vibrated with certainty and truth. I had to kill evil at the root.
“Please be careful, Bear. I know you’ll do everything in your power to get this done but Griffon is not stupid and I know he hasn’t been sitting in that cell all these years thinking he’s going to come home to a warm welcome. You have to know he’s anticipated a fight.”
