Page 38 of Bear
“True. And true words arealwaysbetter than pretty words.”
“Bear, what do I have to say to you to get you to understand your father is wrong about you? You’re not a puppet. You’re not a robot he can control from jail.”
“Oh yeah? Sure seems that way, baby doll. I’m a stand-in until he gets home. I call him every day and relay all the details of his businesses to him and all the murders I had to commit on his behalf. I listen to every call he tells me to make. Everything at my disposal is because of him. So how am I not a robot?” I asked her seriously. I was starting to wish there was a way out of my world. A way I could attempt a normal life and not the one I was groomed for.
“You’re choosing to carry out your dad’s wishes. You don’t have to.”
“Did you see what he did to Hawk?” I asked her. “That was because of me. If I don’t do what he wants me to do the way he wants me to do it, he has no problem reaching me from his cell. Besides,” I sighed. “I’m not just doing this for Dad. I’m doing it for Hawk too. This should have been his job. If my stupid ass hadn’t slipped up and gotten him killed, he would be in charge right now and I’d be his right hand.”
“You didn’t get Hawk killed, Bear. That was Mr. Griffon’s fault. He held the gun. Not you.” Her words were logical but I couldn’t get the stain of guilt off my spirit. I was responsible for my big brother’s death. I had to honor him in some way. Doing a good job was my way of doing that. I was being a good soldier the way I know Hawk would have been. The way I knew Dad wanted me to be.
“You’re so tortured it hurts sometimes,” Cecily frowned.
“I’m not tortured.”
“You are. It’s like pain is written beneath your skin. It thumps through you so consistently you can’t tell it from your blood. That’s not who you are.” She moved away from me and rubbed her palms on her thighs. “I don’t know what I have to do to get you to see it but I’m going to try my hardest because under all that pain is a good heart.”
“A dark heart,” I corrected her.
“It’s still a heart.” She put her hand on my chest and I smiled a little. Cecily was always going to shine light wherever she went. I had no idea who owed me a favor in heaven but I’d be sure to thank them for sending her to me.
“Let’s go check on Mr. Paul and Luanne.”
“We’re not done talking, Bear.” She aimed her pointer finger at me. I grabbed her wrist and nipped at her finger, holding it between my teeth. For the first time, I saw her cognac eyes blaze with hunger. My cock twitched at the sight.
God.
I was going to destroy Cecily the moment I got the chance. She was a virgin and needed to be taken along slowly but evidently, I wanted her for as long as I could fucking remember. Once the chance to taste her presented itself, I was going to jump.
“We’re going to make an appointment with the neurologist,” Mr. Paul said when Cecily and I walked into the living room.
“Good. That’s so good, Mom.” Cecily threw her arms around Luanne in a big hug that turned into a gentle sob on her mother’s shoulder. Mr. Paul looked at me and patted my back.
“Bear, thank you for calling me. I’m hoping if this is Alzheimer’s or dementia, we can catch it early.”
“I hope so too, Mr. Paul. I think with the proper treatment, Luanne will be fine.”
“I think we’ll be able to slow things down at least,” he sighed. I admired Mr. Paul for being so realistic about everything.
“It can’t be easy for either one of you dealing with the prospect of a disease like Alzheimer’s or dementia.”
“It’s not,” Luanne said, shaking her head. Her brown eyes were so sad. I hated it. Now, I knew the heavy feeling in my chest was my heart. It felt like lead when Luanne looked that way. “To be honest, I’m scared, Bear.”
“You know me and Cecily will do whatever we can to help. You say the word.”
“I know,” Luanne smiled a little but the sadness was still there.
“I’m going to transfer schools,” Cecily blurted. My shoulders stiffened as I regarded her.
“You’re going to do what?” I said, tilting my head to the side.
“You heard me, Bear. I don’t want to be all the way in Texas while Mom is over here dealing with something like this. It’s too much.”
“I’d like it if you were close to home, sweetheart,” Mr. Paul said. I kept my mouth shut but I liked Cecily being away in Texas. It meant she was away from all the sticky shit I dealt with every day. It meant I wouldn’t have to see her beautiful face and deal with the fact that she stirred my heart in a way nothing and nobody else ever had.
It seemed everyone was on board with Cecily moving back home and I was the only one fighting the inevitability. I sat by and listened to them make plans for her coming home and I braced myself for my life never being the same again.
Cecily Weathers was about to rock me in a way I didn’t think was ever possible.
