Page 37 of Bear
“I do.” I took a long pull of the cigar and tapped the ashes into a crystal ashtray. Things grew silent between Shadow and me as they usually did. Neither of us did tons of talking so sometimes there were moments where we sat and brooded as he said.
“Hey, Titan, I think Sarah wants her daddy,” Cecily said, walking into the library.
“Cool thanks, Cecily.”
“Bear, Dad is here. We need to talk to him.” Her brown eyes met mine and I felt my chest stir.
Was that love?
Was it the repeated tightening and stirring inside your chest when the person you loved walked into a room? Was it sleeping soundly beside someone because you knew they were safe and protected with you? Was it being willing to kill anyone who hurt that person even remotely?
If that was love then maybe Ididlove Cecily.
“Okay. Let me walk Shadow out and I’ll be right there.” I held out my arms and Sarah wiggled around until I took her and cradled her head against my chest. I could feel Cecily’s warm brown eyes on me. Her potent stare made me buzz all over.
Was that a part of love too?
Fuck.
I had a lot of learning to do.
“Thanks for bringing Sarah by. It was good for Cecily. Bring her by a few more times in the coming weeks. I have a feeling she’s going to need the distraction.”
“I can do that. Now, I need you to work on realizing you have a fucking heart in there under all those dead bodies, Bear.” We stood in the foyer eyeing each other and I saw the secret he kept from me, lurking in his irises. He wasn’t ready to tell me what it was yet and I didn’t know if he’d ever be ready. We slapped hands and said our goodbyes. I kissed Sarah’s chubby cheek and tousled her golden curls then watched them leave.
When I found Paul, he was sitting with Luanne in the living room trying to get her to tell him what happened. “It’s fine, Paul. I’m just a little forgetful.”
“Luanne, you’re more than a little forgetful. You didn’t recognize Cecily this morning and you thought I was my father.” She quieted down once I put her secrets out there. Her head hung low from the weight of shame. I hated to see it but everything needed to be out in the open.
I noticed Cecily hugging herself while uncertainty flooded her pretty face. Without a second thought, I pulled her against my body and putmyarms around her instead. There was no need for her to hold herself when I was right there.
“Lu, when did this start happening?” Paul asked.
“A few months ago. I probably need a vacation. That’s all.”
“What you need is a damn doctor! You forgot our daughter, Lu. You forgot Bear. Those are our kids. You can’t brush this away with a vacation. You can’t be strong right now. What if you forgetusnext?” Mr. Paul’s voice lowered so that the pain in his words was palpable. It was far too private of a moment for Cecily and me to witness. I squeezed her hand in mine and motioned to the hall with my head. After we left Luanne and Mr. Paul, I wondered if he was scared to lose the decades of memories they built.
That was the kind of fear I longed for.
“Do you think it’s crazy that I want to have something to fear?” I asked Cecily. She turned to face me. Contemplation knitted her arched brows together. When she slid her full lips to the side, the dimple on her right cheek appeared and the feeling in my chest was back. My finger immediately found its way into the deep divot.
“I think it means you want something worth being scared to lose.” Her delicate hands found their way to my hair and she toyed with a few locs arranging them this way and that.
“You’d think life would be precious enough to fear losing.”
“It is to me,” she said sliding her arms around my neck. My hands rode her slender hips while I stared at her. I needed to make up for all the time I’d spent not holding her.
How the hell did I convince myself for years that Cecily and I were better as siblings of all fucking things? Now, I couldn’t stop thinking about how sweet her lips tasted. I knew when I heard her moan, she could never make that noise for another man or I’d murder his whole family. It was overkill but it was the truth.
Every moan that came from Cecily’s perfect mouth was mine.
“That’s becauseyourlife is worth living. You make the world a batter place. Flowers grow wherever you walk, Cecily.”
“You know, I never realized until now that you have the most beautiful words to say when it comes to me.”
“They’re not beautiful,” I grumbled. I gripped her jaw and tilted her head up.
“What are they then?”
