Page 14 of Defect
“I don’t want to go to the ER,” I growled. Memories of waking up in the hospital assaulted me, striking fear in my heart. The last time I was in the hospital I woke up without my brother. Who knew what I’d lose this time around?
“So you’re refusing medical treatment?” The cop asked with his eyebrows lifted.
“Yes. I’m refusing. I just want to go in the house. I don’t want to file a report or any of that shit. Just let me go, please.” I stumbled toward my house and the cop turned to talk to one of his buddies. My insides hurt so bad. They screamed and begged for me to go to the hospital but I couldn’t.
What if they fucked up your brain even more?
The small voice inside of my head made me stop in my tracks. I was thrown to the ground and beaten. I was punched and kicked and stomped. That couldn’t have been good for my brain.
“I’ll go,” I said. The piercing pain in my head pushed me away from my house and toward the ambulance that seemed to have materialized out of nowhere. I looked around my neighborhood to see that once again, I’d drawn a crowd. Not only was I the defect of Inglewood High School, but I was also the neighborhood defect.
Once I agreed to medical treatment, EMT workers swooped in and started their examination. It was a whirlwind. My only concern was that no further damage had been done to my brain. I already felt like a prisoner of my own emotions and if getting jumped messed my head up even more, I wanted to get to the hospital in enough time for them to fix it. I didn’t even know what that meant but I didn’t want to be any more broken than I already was.
I arrived by ambulance to the hospital, which meant I was immediately taken to triage and seen by nurses and doctors. “Mr. Fredericks, what are you doing back in here?” I’m sure I was supposed to remember the nurse who was taking my vitals and cleaning my cuts and scrapes but I had no idea who she was.
I hated my fucked up brain.
“I got jumped,” I told her plainly.
“That’s awful. I’m so sorry to hear that.” She sighed softly and put gauze on my bleeding gashes then turned on the TV for me. “I’m going to send the neurologist in so that we can get a look at you and then we’ll get you all set up for an MRI.” I guess it was good that the nurse knew me because that meant she knew I needed immediate attention because of my past injury.
While I lay in the stiff, too-small hospital bed, I laughed a little and thought about how Everett would clown me if he got the chance. He’d only do it to make me feel better though. He knew how easy it was for me to get lost in my thoughts and become silent. Trying to laugh without him wasn’t the same.
Nothing was the same without him.
Grief washed over me like a ten-foot wave but I refused to let my tears fall. Not there. Not in the hospital. The heavy pain of missing my brother crashed into my chest making it hard for me to breathe.
“Mr. Fredericks, I’m not too happy about you being in here so I can’t say nice to see you,” the neurologist walked into my room and offered me a kind smile. “How’s your head feeling? Any headaches or sharp pains?”
“Sharp pains,” I said, gesturing to my head. I felt like a fucking caveman. He nodded at me and pressed his pointer fingers against my skull.
“I don’t feel anything concerning. You may have a sub-dermal hematoma right here. I can feel a knot starting to rise. Okay, let’s skip the MRI and just go for a CAT, alright?”
“Sure,” I nodded. “Hey, were you the same doctor I saw after the accident?” I quizzed.
“Yes, I’m Dr. Chin. It’s common to forget people or events surrounding such a traumatic event. Nothing to be alarmed about.”
“Okay, thanks. Hey, can I ask you some questions about my brain trauma?” This time around he seemed much more willing to speak to me. Maybe it was because Mom wasn’t around. Whatever the reason, I was going to milk it and figure out everything I could about my defective brain.
“Of course. I have a few minutes. What’s concerning you, Ezra?”
“Oh my god, my baby! Ezra, what the hell happened?” My mother rushed in like a signal scramble and my brain short-circuited for a few seconds. I blinked repeatedly and then focused on her face. Tears swam in her brown eyes.
“Ma, I’m fine,” I fussed once everything clicked back into motion.
“Mrs. Fredericks, I’m glad you’re here. I was getting ready to address some concerns Ezra had and…”
“Dr. Chin, I need to speak with you in the hallway, please. I want to know everything that’s gone on since he got here.” Before I could ask the neurologist anything, my mother ushered him into the hall and away from me.
He never came back in.
Mom did though.
“We’re moving,” she said. Her tone held so much finality that I didn’t know how to respond. My face contorted in a frown even though it hurt to do so.
“Moving? Why?”
“Ezra you could have been killed! You think for one second that those boys are going to let you walk around the neighborhood? And what were you doing outside anyway? I told you not to go out of the house.”
