Page 44 of Honey Sugar
Anger ruffled my feathers and made me want to scream. I wanted to pound his chest and tell him he was selfish and cruel. All I managed to do was sob into my hands. I felt fragile and I hated it.
“I need them, Titan.” I hated being so paper thin and fragile right then.
“No, you don’t. You’re stronger than those fucking pills.” He took my face in his hand and I let myself get lost in those onyx pools of his for a few seconds. I saw galaxies of possibilities inside them. I wanted to pluck out the one where our love wasn’t taboo and we could be together.
“Ivy, I can’t watch you turn into someone addicted to pills. I can’t watch you turn into your father. I don’t want to lose you. I love you.”
My heart was already rubble. Broken down as far as I thought it would go. I was wrong. Titan’s words turned my heart to sand.
I was turning into my father.
My breath hitched on the self-loathing in my chest.
“Why? Why do you love me? I’m a junkie. I’m no better than him. I don’t abuse other people. I abuse myself.” My shoulders shook with the despondent realization. My tears created rivers on the backs of my hand that streamed down to my fingertips. I was made of tears. I was salty and watery.
“You’re not like him. This shit is a symptom that he created and you’re better than giving into it. I can’t lose you, okay? Me and you…we’re all we have right now. We’re not those kids from all those summers ago. We’re not the same people we were when I came here trying to lay low. Everything is different and I know it’s scary and it’s too heavy to navigate when you feel alone but you’re not alone. I’m here, Ivy.”
“I can’t have you though. We can’t…have each other. Not the way we want to.” I wiped my eyes and rubbed the heels of my hands against them trying to wipe away the love steadily blooming for Titan in my chest. Love that wasn’t okay. I grabbed at any straw I possibly could to dispel the way I felt. To find a reason why we couldn’t be together. He was my cousin.
“You don’t want me. You’re just…you’re hurting like I am. I saw the way you flirted with that girl, Titan.”
“It wasn’t like that. I told you. I don’t want her. I was doing it to piss Mario off because he came tomyfucking house, looking atmygirl, and starting drama at my mother’s funeral. I did it because I could. Not to upset you.” Titan shook his head and curled his fingers around the back of my neck. “Nobody could ever come close to you, Ivy. No matter how forbidden this is…I want it.” He pulled me close to him and I breathed his air. It was warm and sweet. I wanted more.
My eyes flitted over his handsome face. Over his high cheekbones and dark lashes and brows. Over his full lips and obsidian eyes. I drank him in slowly like whiskey and every second I stared at him burned my chest.
I leaned forward and kissed his lips.
God, the fire that crackled through my veins was sweet. It was slow and sticky and it made me ache and throb in the deepest parts of my anatomy.
I slid my fingers through the parts of his cornrows and climbed on top of him. I needed to touch him. I wanted to connect with him in every way possible. I wanted to feel him pulsing through me on a cellular level.
“Titan, I shouldn’t love you like this but…I can’t stop myself.” I looked down at him and he nodded his understanding.
“The feeling is mutual baby girl. If you want us to stop…” I knew how hard it was for him to say that. His dick was rigid beneath me. He didn’t want to stop. Nothing about the way he felt pressing into me said he wanted to stop.
“I think I’ll die if we stop.” I rubbed against his erection again, rocking my hips back and forth and he groaned like he couldn’t contain himself. His hands rode my waistline while his lips found a home on my neck.
“Your skin is so sweet,” he told me. I couldn’t help the moan that flew out of my mouth. The moment was so hot and intense that I vibrated with need. It poured off of me. It leaked from every pore on my body. Between my legs was slick and dripping.
“Titan,” I begged.
“Tell me what you want. I’ll do it.” His hands were magic on my skin scrawling spells that would open up portals deeper than I could imagine. I wanted him to do everything to me all at once.
“Make love to me.” The words melted from my mouth. I was too hot. My heart was beating too fast.
I rolled against him again. He was so hard and thick. He hit me like a beat drop and engulfed me like flames.
In a frenzy, he pushed the simple black dress up my hips until it sat at my waist in folds of fabric that now seemed too constricting. I wanted everything off my body. The only thing I wanted to be covered in was Titan.
“I need to take this off,” I told him, pulling at the collar of my dress. I stood up, separating from him and he stood too. My eyes dropped to the impressive bulge jutting out from his pants. It made me scramble to unzip my dress but my fingers couldn’t manage. There could be nothing between us. No cotton and zippers. No buttons and hems.
Titan’s strong hands pulled the zipper down on the side of my dress and slid it over my shoulders, letting it fall to the floor. I stood in front of him in only a bra and panties while his eyes took me in slowly like it was his first time tasting moonshine.
“You are so beautiful,” he said. I never felt beautiful. No mater how many times people told me I was. I never believed it until that moment. Nearly naked in Honey Sugar in front of Titan with his coal eyes digging into me.
I stretched my hands out to pluck open the buttons on his crisp white shirt one by one until he was only in the tank top underneath. The clink of his belt coming undone made me dizzy with desire.
He pulled me against him and kissed my neck while he unsnapped my bra and let it fall to the floor joining the pile of clothes at our feet. My panties were next. His wide palms and long fingers cupped my breasts, sliding over my stiff nipples. I trembled at his touch.
