Page 5 of Margot
CHAPTER TWO
SUTTON
My fingers hummed from six on and off hours of practicing. I never liked to carve out chunks of time for only practicing. I was taught early on to get out into the world and not to be confined to my piano. So, in between scales, arpeggios, and Chopin etudes, I took walks and sat outside sipping coffee.
The weather didn’t permit for people watching on the balcony but I’ve always loved the cold air more than warm. Something about the sharpness of it always snapped me into focus.
I honed in on a couple of women walking with camel colored pea coats, laughing and talking while drinking Starbucks. I wondered how different my life would be if I had a friend. I longed for at least one person to deeply confide in when Lennox didn’t get it. All the friends I had were mostly because of him. We ate dinner with other couples and I put on a good front but in reality, it was draining.
The sun nearly blinded me when it moved from behind a cloud. I shielded my eyes from its harsh rays. Even though it was bright outside, there was zero warmth.
When I searched for the two laughing friends again on the sidewalk below the balcony, they were gone. I wanted a few more moments of pretending I was capable of having someone to hang out with. I sighed a bit and sat back in the chair. My stare drifted off to the water. It glittered so bright under the sun that I had to squint to take in the beauty.
I knew Lennox was out there somewhere showing off gorgeous homes to people with tons of money. I knew he’d come home and want to talk about his day when I took a break from practicing.
I knew he’d want sex.
I finished my second cup of coffee for the day and stood to my feet. A harsh wind whipped around me, pulling my hair into my face. My heart was pounding. Not from the wind or my hair or the fact that I could barely see but because I started thinking about having sex with Lennox. Something that was supposed to be so natural, forced me into a state of uncertainty and unease but I didn’t know why.
Lennox was sexy.
Everyone knew he was sexy. I saw how women gawked at him everywhere we went. He was rugged and chocolate with a killer smile.
Thinking about him set my body off in all the right ways even though I knew I’d be hard-pressed to get him to believe me. No matter how I tried, something inside of me was hidden away. There was something behind a door that I couldn’t unlock no matter how much I wanted to.
I hated myself for it most of the time.
It made me out to be a cold bitch.
I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t know how to explain things to him because every time I tried, my words came out all jumbled and caused an argument.
Words weren’t my strong suit. Neither was emotion.
I could express myself through music all day though. I could lay my bleeding heart on the piano and finish in a cold sweat from the effort but having a conversation made me clam up.
I was painfully awkward and closed off.
I was lucky Lennox didn’t leave me because of it. I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if he ever left. He was the only person on Earth that understood me on every level. Well,almostevery level.
I walked inside and closed the balcony door behind myself then rubbed my cold palms together. Once my fingers warmed up again, I’d get right back to practicing until Lennox came home. I didn’t have another concert for a couple weeks so I had plenty of time to learn the pieces I’d be playing. None of them were new to me but there was always room for perfection.
…
“Sutton, you in here?” I must have lost track of time between practicing and when Lennox came home. I didn’t realize how fast time had passed. Suddenly, I was looking up at my husband’s handsome face.
“Hey.” I stood and rubbed my eyes before giving him a hug. It really did seem like the day went by in a single breath. Sometimes I lost myself so deeply in music.
“How was your day?” He asked as he took off his coat and hung it on the rack.
“It was…good,” I said running my fingers through my hair.
“Why the hesitation? Are you having trouble with a piece?” He went into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of wine. “You want one?” He asked. I shook my head and massaged my temples with the pads of my fingers.
Sometimes drinking made my mind too fuzzy and I needed mental clarity. I hated forgetting things or acting outside of my personality. One glass of wine was fine every now and then but that was it.
Besides, I played sloppily when I had more than that.
“I just got so lost in my music,” I told Lennox as I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge.
