Page 120 of Sticks and Stones
That wasn’t the point, and Ethan knew it. Corbin had to do what was better for him, not him and Gene. They’d work this out either way.
Ethan moved closer and sat on the floor next to him. The two of them sat with their backs to the wall.
Side-by-side.
“What do you want to do?” Ethan asked. “What is it that would make this easier for you since you’re the one with the harder road to travel. Don’t worry about us. Worry about you, Corby.”
He considered it.
His biggest issue was as a cop, he knew better, but as a victim…he wanted to forget all of this. The last thing he wanted was to carry this burden.
So, because he could trust Ethan, Corbin was to the point.
“I want to shower and forget what they did to me. Every time I close my eyes, I remember those hours, Ethan. I relive it, and I don’t want to. I can’t relive it on the stand in front of strangers. I’ve already been stripped bare and decimated. I can’t do it. I’m not strong enough.”
Ethan wanted to reassure him, but he had to make sure.
“Can I touch you?” he asked.
Corbin nodded, and didn’t hesitate to move closer to Ethan to show he needed Ethan and Gene as much as he did, but now, he couldn’t do this alone.
Blackhawk put his arm around him, and Corbin let him protect him.
“I’m sorry for what happened to you,” he said. “I know how violated you feel, and I know it’s a million times worse for you,” he admitted. “I didn’t get assaulted, so I can’t imagine the terror you’re feeling.”
Corbin said nothing, carrying that secret in his soul about Ethan’s attack. He’d never speak of it because the last thing he wanted was Ethan feeling like this.
It sucked.
“I’m here to support you. If you want to get in that shower, do it. If you can’t face this in court when they’re caught, don’t do it. I’m not going to stop or judge you, Corby. You have every right to heal how you need to do it. Yes, we’re working this case, but we’re your friends and family first and foremost.”
He sniffled.
“I just can’t bear the idea of everyone whispering about me being gay and raped. I just can’t handle it, Ethan. I’ve seen victims on the stands. The defense will make it about me. How I somehow asked for it while working undercover.”
He was aware.
Victims were always under the microscope, unfortunately.
“Then don’t take the stand. If you want to carry this and heal in your own way, I support you. As someone who has to work this case, we’ll still find them without the evidence on your body.”
He needed to know.
“How will you bring them to trial without me?” he asked.
He was honest.
“We won’t be able to lock it down as easily, but Gene is damn good at solving cases, Corbin. We’ve gotten people put away with less evidence and without a witness. Dumb people run their mouths. We’ll find someone who heard or saw something.”
Resting his head on his knees, he closed his eyes. Ethan rubbed his hand up and down his back, reassuringly, trying not to touch too much of his welted skin from what they did to him.
Finally, Corbin spoke.
“I need to shower,” he said, finally making up his mind and hoping he didn’t regret it later. The last thing he wanted was this haunting him forever.
At his words, Ethan got up and held out his hand to the man.
“I’ll help you. We need to keep your cast dry. If me being in here makes you uncomfortable, I can get a garbage bag and tape it closed around your arm and then leave.”
