Page 15 of My Kind of Trouble
He’d rolled his eyes, and they all shared a laugh before Noa had spoken to him about her plans. And he supported them. Given the fact that she’d talked about travelling since being a teenager, he wasn’t shocked by the prospect of it, merely by how quickly her plans to leave were coming together. Besides parties and underage drinking when she was younger and moving away from home for university—a move that was meticulously planned to a T—he said Noa was well past due for a ‘wild phase’ and seemed excited for her.
Considering her parents had fallen in love when her dad had hitchhiked a lift from her mum in order to get home after his own European adventures over thirty years ago, she should have expected his reaction.
So now, alone with only the sound of the log fire crackling in the background, warming the living room and lighting it in a soft amber glow, she was ready to make that jump. She resolved to take the savings she thought she’d use for a wedding or a baby at some point in the near future to finally go on that trip she’d discarded as something she’d just never do. This seemed like an altogether better way to spend that money right now. Maybe this is how she’d discover who she was now and what she’d do next.
To some, it might look like she was avoiding her problems, running away from them maybe. It’s not like she’d never heard that before. But what if she was simply running toward her own new beginning. She loved the notion of ‘what was meant to be would find her’, but so far where had waiting around gotten her? What if she really did go out there and grab what was meant for her by the balls—or labia as Tes liked toput it? Either way she looked at it, a temporary distraction or a new start, it felt right. And it felt like exactly what she needed in that moment.
She wanted to be better at living in the moment. Maybe that was all that mattered. So, for the first time in her adult life, she didn’t question it. There was no pros and cons list. No doom scrolling TikTok for all the things that might go wrong. No anxious overthinking.
She opened her laptop, and she booked the flight.
Noa spent the rest of the day planning her trip to Southeast Asia. That felt like the place that everyone on her newsfeed went when they were trying to find themselves and, if it was good enough for some of her favourite YouTubers, then it was good enough for her. She was sure she’d watched all of ‘Backpacking Brianna’s’ videos twice over, never thinking that she’d get to go on her own adventure one day. It felt refreshing to make this decision for her and her alone and, in doing so, she felt like she had set free a part of herself that she had kept locked away, the selfish part that could put herself first and let herself grow into the person she wanted to be.
It was in doing this that she realised, maybe, Lucas had been right. Maybe they had both been stifling each other in their relationship and holding each other back from being the best versions of themselves. Maybe she had been avoiding conflict, or just hadn’t wanted to see it. Realising that made her see her relationship and the breakup differently. She was grateful for the memories they had shared, the happiness they had given each other, but also the lessons that both their relationship and breakup had taught her. Thinking of it likethis eased the heartbreak and grief that gripped her chest, a little, at least. Letting each other go was giving themselves permission to grow, and she would do exactly that. She still missed him, of course. They’d given each other years of their lives, but she was determined not to let that break her.
Noa planned roughly where she would visit first and the general route she might take before her mum called her down for family dinner.
Over her mum’s homemade risotto, Noa decided to break the news of her upcoming travel plans to her family. In less than a month she’d be on a flight across the globe, so she guessed she needed all the help she could get to prep for it. Her dad offered to loan her his backpack and travel charger, and her mum offered some advice about where to buy the best swimsuits for ‘larger-chested girls’. Ryan just sat there quiet, almost like he was sulking about something. In a way, he was so predictable, but Noa didn’t bite, and she certainly didn’t question him on it. She left him to have his feelings about it. She knew he would voice them eventually.
As if on cue, as Noa thanked her mum for dinner and stood up to clear the plates, Ryan looked at her and, with an overdramatic sigh, took the dishes off her and placed them on the side.
‘Noa, you know I love you and I say this with only love. But you are not equipped for this. You surely cannot be considering travelling on your own,’ he said. ‘There is being a strong and independent woman, and then there is being downright stupid. It’s not safe.’
Noa scoffed and looked her brother dead in the eye with a look of defiance. She would not back down on the first thing that had made her feel this good in a long time, no matter how overprotective he wanted to be. Whilst their close age gap hadmade them more like best friends than siblings growing up, Ryan still sometimes struggled to see her as anything other than his baby sister that he needed to shield and wrap in cotton wool to protect. She knew he was going to play that protective older brother card now, but she was not that little girl anymore. She was a woman, and he would just have to face it.
Her brother’s experience of bullying growing up, of the harshness of the world and the hurt he had endured, had shaped him more than he would ever admit. Noa knew it was why he felt a compulsion to guard everyone around him, like he could shield them from what he’d felt. And for the most part, they all let him, knowing it made him feel better. It was unspoken knowledge within their family. But this was not one of those times. Noa needed this act of independence like she needed air.
‘Ryan. I love you. But I am an adult. This is my choice to make. My risk to take. I can look after myself, okay?’
His face fell, clearly deflated and frustrated that his attempts to discourage her trip had failed.
Ryan was always the joker in the family. He was a complete goofball, as well as the biggest flirt in town. He radiated that easy-going golden retriever energy that made everybody love him. It would be annoying if she didn’t love that about him, too. But it also meant that he was used to getting his way. Now, any traces of humour were wiped from his expression.
‘I’m sorry Noa, but you are my little sister, and I worry. What if something happens to you and you are on the other side of the world?’ He looked at their mum, as if seeking support, but she just held her hands up like she wasn’t getting involved. Their dad just let out a hearty chuckle and gave his son a firm pat on the back, rising from the table.
‘Well, I guess you’ve got this one covered son. I can retire for the night.’
That was her dad’s subtle support. He had done his own travelling once upon a time, and the twinkle in his eyes as he smiled at her told her he was thinking about that. And that he wanted those memories for her, too.
Their parents had always been easy going and free-spirited, having lived a lot of life before they had kids. But it wasn’t lost on Noa that both their kids had gone the complete opposite way in one way or another. Noa, with her anxiety and obsessive need to overanalyse and plan the future, and Ryan, with his need to protect those around him. Although Ryan was a lot more easy-going in his own life, being bullied in his younger years had changed him. He’d give anyone the shirt off his back and bend over backwards to help someone in need, as if he could shield the world from experiences he endured. Their parents tried not to feed into it, but it was hard for him to let go and allow Noa to make her own mistakes and endure the consequences if it came to it.
At the lack of backup, Ryan just looked around, his mouth agape in disbelief.
Noa still didn’t reply, letting her brother work through his thoughts out loud, because nothing she said would do a thing anyway. She knew it because she knew him as well as he knew her, and they had done this dance a time or two before. Just like when she was twenty and he protested her move to London, right up until she was due to leave, then he finally came around to the idea.
‘I—I just think, maybe, you might be rushing into this,’ he started his argument anew. ‘You’ve been home for twenty-four hours. Don’t you need to wallow or something before you start making big life decisions? You know I’d come with you ifI could, but I’m up for a promotion and just can’t leave right now. What about if you wait six months until after my job review, and then I could come with you? We could make it a sibling trip?’
His eyes look hopeful, a boyish smile cresting his lips like he just might have come up with a solution to solve all their problems.
‘First off, I never rush into anything, Ryan, and you know that,’ Noa rebutted. ‘Just because this seems fast, and I have not planned it to a T, does not mean it’s not something I haven’t wanted to do for years. The opportunity has just never presented itself until now, when I have nothing to lose.’
She put her hand on his tense shoulders, trying to relax him and continued, ‘And, secondly, I have three weeks until my flight. That’s plenty of time to wallow and plan. But, most importantly, Ryan, I cannot put my life on hold any longer and, as much as I love you, I don’t want you to come with me. I want to do this on my own, to do something for myself and prove to myself that I will be okay on my own. You coming with me defeats the point.’
He let out a long groan of defeat, but his eyes told her he understood, even if he wasn’t happy about it. At least, she hoped he did.
Chapter9
Alex
