Page 97 of Changeling
The world continued to lurch around Nathan, pitching, spinning. He fell back, pulling from Sasha and crumbling at the foot of the mattress. At this strange departure from their activities, Nathan heard a questioning utterance of his name followed by a shriek as Sasha finally took notice of what was happening. Then the incubus was beside him, morphed human and sputtering too quickly for Nathan to catch everything he said.
There were words of apology, of “…didn’t mean to…” and “…never…never without knowing you wanted it, too…” and thenquite distinctly, “You must have wanted it, Nathan. It wouldn’t be possible if you didn’t.”
Part of Nathan wanted to ask what Sasha meant, to ask what was happening to him, but the other part already knew.
The world was stabilizing and focusing better now that he was lying back, though he could still feel those strange sensations wracking his body as they changed him.
“The person being initiated has to willingly accept the change,”Sasha had told them. “There’s sex involved, but it’s still a conscious choice by both parties.”
Conscious. Right. Nathan may consciously know he loves Sasha but he didn’t intend forthis. It wasn’t that the transformation was painful, but it was all so foreign and strange, like supernatural growing pains.
How transformed was he, Nathan wondered. What did he look like? The only things he could see were his hands when he lifted them to his face again. His arms were white, fading to black and to sharp black talons for fingers like Sasha. Apparently, initiates took on the same coloring as their maker.
There was more than a mere echo of panic in Nathan’s mind as he thought of all this. He tried to listen more carefully, but his head felt like it was filled with cotton and Sasha’s words floated around him.
“Marking…first step,” Sasha said, one hand on Nathan’s chest while the other combed human fingers through Nathan’s short hair. His words became clearer the more Nathan focused. “…should have known…didn’t think we were this close. I didn’t think you really wanted this.”
The truth was Nathan didn’t know what he wanted. But for a moment back there, when they were tangled together, connected and wholebecausethey were together, he knew with every breath in him that he wanted Sasha for the rest of his life,however long that was. That final realization had been enough. Like a contract signed, another deal had been struck.
“…take it back,” Nathan heard from Sasha suddenly, having faded out again, succumbed to the whirlwind of what was happening, “…not complete…can still…Nathan,” Sasha said more firmly. He grabbed Nathan’s face with both hands to ground him. “Nathan,” he said again, “you can take it back. It’s not complete. I know you have doubts. You can still take it back.”
Take it…back, Nathan repeated slowly in his mind. He didn’t have to just give in and allow himself to be changed. But then he couldn’t help wondering if he really wanted to stop it. If he could be certain of what he wanted for one moment then why not another, and the one after that, and the one afterthat?
“What if I don’t…wantto take it back?” Nathan whispered, surprised by how gruff his voice was. Sasha smiled sad and hopeful above him, the hands on Nathan smoothing over his cheeks as they held his face.
The world wasn’t spinning anymore. There was no nausea. Nathan could feel his body still changing, knew that he was not yet an incubus but that he was no longer human either, and because he wasn’t fighting, afraid, or unsure, the pressure and tightness began to feel different. Nathan could still feel the circuit even though their bodies were side by side instead of interlocked. He could feel how much Sasha loved him. He couldfeelit the way Sasha felt it.
“Baby…” Nathan breathed, his own clawed hands moving to grip Sasha’s face, the black so stark against Sasha’s pale but not white skin. Nathan kept his grip gentle, though he knew he could never hurt Sasha, and pulled their heads together. “I know. I know what I—”
BAM.
Nathan jumped, his claws releasing Sasha’s face as he flinched towards the door. It must be Jim, he thought, living up to histitle as King of Bad Timing. Jim probably heard Sasha’s shriek and was coming to investigate.
BAM, came another thud. It sounded strange, though, not like a normal knock.
Then the door exploded open. Jim tumbled in onto the carpet as if he’d been thrown, his face pale and sweaty; his eyes pleading, unfocused.
“N-Nathan…” he croaked up at the bed, like he was in some terrible, gut-wrenching pain.
“Jim!” Nathan shouted, pushing Sasha away to get off the bed. He almost sank straight to the floor when whatever connection that had been between him and Sasha snapped like a cord, giving one last mad rush of those strange sensations and then they were gone.
Nathan hardly noticed that his arms were tan again and his fingers were fingers as he fell to Jim’s side and grabbed his brother’s shoulders to hold him. “Jim!”
Jim wasn’t moving. Jim wasn’tbreathing. But then, somehow, miraculously, as Nathan turned his brother over and pulled their bodies close, Jim’s eyes fluttered open.
Relief soared through Nathan’s chest. Jim was okay; not just conscious but fine. He sat up and looked at Nathan with clarity, but still with the same horror as before. Then his head turned toward the open door.
“What…what the hell just happened?” Sasha asked in a shaky voice, crouched next to them though Nathan had no idea when the incubus had joined them on the floor.
Nathan peered over his shoulder at the incubus, just as confused, but Sasha looked to the open door as Jim had; he trembled, his eyes filled with fear Nathan had only seen a handful of times.
“What is it?” But before Nathan could look for himself, Jim started swiftly scooting away from the door as if something wereabout to snatch him up. “Jim?” He put a hand on his brother’s shoulder. Sasha had hold of Nathan’s arm now so that, for a moment, all of them were connected.
Jim looked so afraid; he and Sasha were both shaking like children as if they knew some awful truth Nathan didn’t; but when Nathan finally peered out of the doorway, the sight before him almost had him laughing.
It was just a man.
The guy was dark fae, surely, maybe even sidhe, but not one that evoked much fear in Nathan. He looked like one of those metro bastards with manicured hands, a tailored suit, and perfect GQ hair.
