Page 90 of Sidhe
“There’s a whirlwind of very dangerous indecision over your head, Nathan Grier. Do I have to come down there in person to knock you upside the head? Because I will.” While her words had started out angry, that last phrase sounded like an honest offer, like she would literally get up at a moment’s notice and trek across the country to Missouri.
“Don’t you dare,” Nathan said to her, glancing around his room where the landline had actually rung, not even his cell phone; he was thankful to be alone for this call. “Listen, you stay put and keep your brother safe. If he starts in, just tell him…tell Leven we’re all fine, we’re gonna be just fine, and as soon as all this blows over, we’ll be right there to see you both.”
“You missed the play. He’s already upset with you.”
“He said he understood, that we’d all watch the recording together.Shit. He gets that the world’s hanging in the balance here, right?”
“Do you honestly think that matters to a teenager?”
“I’ll make it up to him,” Nathan said; damn it, he would. “You tell him I’ll make it up to him in a way he’ll love me for forever. I don’t know how yet…but I’ll think of something.”
“Yeah, well if you wanna make this up tome…you better keep my incubus safe with yours. I know Cam’s headed your way.”
Nathan had to grin. “I’ll do everything in my power, Wade. I promise.”
“Everything?” she said pointedly, and Nathan knew she was talking about the decision he still had hanging over his head, though he couldn’t guess at how much she actually knew.
He wasn’t sure if he’d made up his mind yet, but he still swore to her, “Everything,” before he said goodbye.
Nathansatatthetop of the steps like he had the night before. He could see the many people still bustling about, the recruits that had arrived so far. Their smattering of supernatural creatures were getting on just fine with the seals, no one seeming the wiser at this point. He could see the twins through the door into the bar area talking with Ula and her friends.
While Alex handled most of the checking in and assigning of duties for the seals, and Jim dealt more with the non-humans, Nathan could almost pretend he wasn’t the leader of anything.
Since there weren’t going to be enough rooms for everyone, people were already doubling up, preparing sleeping bags and extra space in the lounges, even setting up tents outside. They were like a damn commune and it had only been a few hours.
After a while, Nathan started to lose track of how long he had been sitting on that step, watching everyone moving about, stocking supplies, planning fortifications, talking shop about all the ways the apocalypse might go down. He almost felt left out, almost went down and grinned coyly at Alex who was passing around drinks, but Nathan couldn’t find the will to move.
“Nate?”
He looked over his shoulder, still a little surprised every time he saw Sasha with black hair. Sasha had been helping make the library into a real research hub, apparently having to bring in more bookshelves and furniture to accommodate everything the arriving seals and fae were adding to the mix—Iain would have been proud.
Sasha looked tired now, ready for a break probably. Nathan hadn’t seen him much all day. He didn’t know if he was glad to see him now, but he couldn’t deny enjoying the company when Sasha came over and sat down beside him on the top step, just like Walter had last night.
“What’s wrong?” Sasha asked, brow furrowing in concern as he leaned into Nathan’s body like reflex. “Everything seems to be going okay down there.”
The usual banter fell out of Nathan’s head. He shrugged. “Yeah…we’ll wait a day or two maybe before filling in the seals about who some of their comrades really are. Ya know, wait ‘til they kinda like each other before we give them reasons to hate each other.” And with that Nathan tried to smile at Sasha but he couldn’t.
“Nate,” Sasha pressed, “what is going on? Tell me.” His hand moved to rest on top of Nathan’s thigh, warm and solid.
Nathan closed his eyes, his own hand unconsciously seeking out Sasha’s. “I’m sorry. It’s just…this. Puck’s gift. I want this for us. I do. But it’s not the real reason I made the decision to stay like this.” He took a breath, squeezing Sasha’s hand. Then helooked up, looked over at Sasha beside him and saw thehumanseal smiling knowingly back at him.
“Took you long enough,” Sasha said, his head bowed slightly so that he was looking at Nathan through long, dark lashes. “Come on, Nate, really? You thought I didn’t know? I don’t have to be able to read your emotions to know how you think, how you feel. I know you’re scared. I know you don’t trust yourself to make the right decision with Malak. I just wish you did. You’re stronger than you think.”
For a minute Nathan could only gape. “But…when you asked me before, I…fuck, I…I lied right to your face and you didn’t even call me on it.”
“Yeah, I’ll admit, I wanted to be pissed,” Sasha said coolly, “but I understood why you lied. I guess I wanted to give you the chance to come clean on your own.”
Nathan felt his body relax out of tension he hadn’t even realized he was holding. “Why do you love me? I so don’t deserve you.”
“Yes you do, Nate. The problem is, you don’t believe it.” Sasha shook his head, frowning. “And you should. You need to start believing you can do this. If you can’t have faith in yourself then at least have faith in us sticking by you, being there to back you up. You are not alone. Just because the decision is on your shoulders doesn’t mean we don’t bear some of the weight with you.”
Sasha pulled his hand out from under Nathan’s and took the side of Nathan’s face in his palm. It was world’s different from how Malak had held Nathan’s jaw the night before.
“This isn’t about anyone convincing you to make the right decision. I want to be selfish too, I want you to be free of having to make a choice at all, I want to just have you all to myself and say fuck everything else. But it’s not my call to make. This is about you realizing that you know how to make the decision onyour own. And I amreallysorry for the ‘After School Special’ feel that just had,” he chuckled, leaning in closer to brush their lips together.
Nathan chuckled back. “Yeah, that was pretty lame. Good thing you’re cute.”
Sasha laughed louder, but his expression fell soon after, serious and resigned. “So what do you want to do?” he asked, pulling back but taking Nathan’s hand and holding it between them.
