Page 82 of Sidhe
Only it was very muchlike him, Jim just couldn’t see it. Nathan was no coward, and he didn’t make rash decisions thatput himself before others either. That was the whole point. He knew better than to think he was anything as special as everyone kept thinking, that him being at the forefront would make some kind of difference. If they weren’t relying so much on him then everyone would put more effort into being a team.That’swhat was going to win the war. Not Nathan Grier.
Being an incubus, suddenly having an out from having to make that final end-all decision, whatever it might have been, Nathan could stand back and really look at himself.
He would have ruined everything.
“I’m not saying I’m certain,” Nathan said, his defensiveness slipping away as he stared into the deep blue eyes that always knew how to weaken him. “But there’s a chance. There’s also a chance that we never could have fixed Sasha’s deal without this, and at best he would have had to watch me grow old over the years anddiewhile he’d have to live on for centuries all alone. At least like this we might be able to salvage something from the mistakes we’ve made. And I know this might be a mistake too,” he said as soon as he saw Jim’s brow furrow further and his mouth twist to speak, “I know that, Jim. I’m not asking for you to pat me on the back. Just let me try. We still have a chance to win. Please. I’m asking you forthat much. Please.”
“Nathan…” Jim shook his head, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose like he had a sudden headache.
“Let me try, Jim. If I’m wrong, maybe there’s still a chance Puck can reverse this before it’s too late. I’m pretty sure when the shit hits the fan we’ll find out whether or not I’m right real fast. But we have time. I’m gonna talk with Walter later too. I honestly think we can do this without having to…” Nathan trailed. He didn’t know what he was going to say. Maybe…
Without having to rely on me.
Jim was silent for a long time, eyes downcast when he finally opened them again. His gaze drifted slowly up to meet Nathan’s.“I still think this is a bad idea. But…” he took a breath, nodded, “of course you deserve the chance to try, Nate. I’m sorry. Go…start your training or whatever.” He grinned a little lopsided, reaching out to push on Nathan’s shoulder. “Alex and I will keep calling the contacts we’ve gathered. There should be a good amount of people starting to arrive by tomorrow already. Things are gonna get crazy.”
Nathan gave his brother a good smack on the shoulder. “Thanks, Jesse James. Really.” He cocked his hand like always into the shape of a gun.
Jim’s returning gesture was muted, a half-hearted BANG, to show that he was still worried, still hesitant, his emotions in turmoil, but he had faith in Nathan enough to at least let him try. If that was mainly out of guilt, well, Nathan wasn’t about to complain.
Tosaythatthetwins were all over him and Sasha was putting it mildly. Mainly all overSasha, and probably because he was a much more appealing meal choice now being human. That would have worried Nathan if he didn’t know they wouldn’t dare do anything about it—he hoped. They were still in the library where the twins had found Sasha.
Nathan was trying to pay attention to what Epica was telling him while watching Attoinette run her fingers through Sasha’s black hair, practically sitting in his lap—no,actuallysitting in his lap while they lounged on the sofa. Nathan and Epica were standing and Sasha and Attoinette were on the sofa. With Attoinette pawing and petting and…god damnit,why couldn’t Nathan stop thinking about sex?
“Because you’re near Sasha right now, sweetheart, and since he’s your intended ‘target’, as it were, you’re feeling drawn to him and haven’t learned to control that yet,” Epica answered what Nathan hadthoughtwas internal monologue.
“Is that going to be lesson number one?” He returned his attention to the shorter-haired blonde. Epica was wearing a snug, low-cut, cropped tank top, royal blue with tight blue jeans. It was…distracting, Nathan found; that little star tattoo he remembered, the blue streak in her hair, how just all aroundfuck meshe looked.
Nathan shook his head. Swallowed. His eyes went straight to the blue star tattoo again.
“Nathan,” Epica laughed, “we’re already on lesson one, remember? We’re practicing wheedling out foreign emotions and pheromones. Pheromones from others can still affect you if you’re not paying attention. You’re supposed to be trying to resist what I’m sending you.”
“I…what now?” Nathan blinked at her. Then, like a splash of cold water, his mind cleared and he felt supremely stupid. “Crap, resisting. Right. Trying to resist the sex signal. Was…totally attempting to do that.” Only he had so totally forgotten they were even doing an exercise.
“Attempting andfailing,” Attoinette giggled from the sofa. And from on top of Sasha.
Nathan’s feelings of jealousy were definitely his own, even if some of the sex thoughts had been from Epica and her invading pheromones. “I was trying,” Nathan defended, “I just…sort of lost my focus.”
Sasha raised an eyebrow playfully at Nathan. He pulled Attoinette a little more fully onto his lap, close against him like it was the most casual thing, only Nathan totally knew Sasha was goading him on purpose from the way his blue eyes never once drifted away.
“Gee, Nate, I can’t believe you would so easily be distracted by sexy thoughts about hot blonde twins,” Sasha said, dripping sarcasm.
Nathan let a slow grin spread across his face as his eyes unfocused. “No worries, baby, you’re in this fantasy too.”
Epica and Attoinette broke into like laughter, while Sasha fought a grin.
“Okay, okay,” Nathan held up his hands, eyes and mind focused back on what he was supposed to be doing, “back to the grind. I am resisting your emotional, pheromone cocktail. Ready.” He nodded at Epica. And he really, really thought he was until he blinked ‘awake’ again after another bout of distracted, sexually frustrated thoughts and once again had to admit defeat with Attoinette’s giggling echoing in the background.
Thankfully, on the third try Nathan was able to stay focused, able to actually feel out what emotions were Epica’s, which pheromones were coming from her and which were his own. Once he realized he could recognize that, it was much easier to resist. Epica smacked him on the back for a job well done, gave it one more try to make sure Nathan truly got it, and then Attoinette gave it a go just to be sure Nathan could still manage the same thing with different emotions and pheromones hitting him.
He passed with flying colors.
Being able to keep human emotions down to a dull backdrop was already coming naturally to Nathan, but they experimented a little on that front with Sasha anyway. The only problem was that when Sasha started sending out feelings of desire and want and need and…fuck, Nathan had a hard timewantingto block that.
The real trouble came later.
WhileNathanthoughthiswings were cool, he had sort of forgotten about theusing thempart of being an incubus.
“Nathan, you have to learn to fly. You have wings for a reason,” Epica scolded him with a hand on her hip. “What’s the big deal anyway? We’re not all that high.”
