Page 45 of Crash Landing
“You just did.”
“That’s not the question. It’s more of a personal question. But I’m willing to give a personal answer to trade.”
He raised his brow, staring at me expectantly. “You don’t need to trade an answer for an answer.”
“Still. Ask me something. I’m bored.”
Groaning, Saleuk leaned back in his chair and lifted one foot to rest on the edge of the table. I could see his eyes searching for something to ask.
“Make it good,” I urged.
“Alright, what’s your natural hair color?”
“Brown. That’s not a good question. Ask me something better.”
“Like what?”
“Something deep. If you could know anything about me, no walls, what would it be?”
The wheels turned again and I waited. And waited. Saleuk was putting a good deal of thought behind his question and it both scared and excited me.
“Why is everything a competition?”
Good one…
“It’s not. Not really. But,” I shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve never been good at anything. The last year, I’ve been trying really hard and sometimes I just feel this stupid need to win. Even if I’m the only one competing, I just want a win. I mean, my brother always said that if you’re not first, you’re last. I’ve been last my whole life,” I laughed coldly.
Mentioning my brother didn’t sit well with me, though. I hated that I’d even quoted him. The feigned amusement wilted from my face and I dropped my eyes, picking at my nails.
“Where’s your brother?” Saleuk asked as if sensing my unease.
“Don’t know,” I said quickly. “He fell a lot further down the drug-induced blackhole than I did. Who knows where it took him? He took care of me. For a long time, he was the only one. But then my mom killed herself and I only heard the gunshot. Leo saw it. So when he disappeared, I hated it, but I expected it. I wanted to disappear, too.”
Silence. The rain was the only noise in that place and it sounded more solemn after I’d spoken about my brother. I kept picking at my nails, breaking them to jagged edges before I realized what I was doing. Then I pressed my palms on the table and put a practiced smile on my face, looking up at Saleuk. He regarded me with a heavy, yet unreadable expression on his face.
“And yet the freighter is what you dream about?” he said.
“I stopped hearing that gunshot in my sleep by the time I met Innifer. I never even told her about it.”
“Well,” he sighed. “That’s worth a pretty good answer to whatever your question is.”
I collected myself, sucking my bottom lip between my teeth as I built up the courage to ask Saleuk the burning question. I thought I might chicken out, but there was no better time to be bold than when I was on an alien moon stranded in the wilderness.
“Did you…” I said softly. “Did you surge before or after being assigned to a bunch of humans?”
Saleuk stopped in the middle of chewing and slowly peered up at me. The look in his eyes set me on fire and it took everything not to try and douse that fire by moving closer to him.
But I was also terrified. I was terrified because there was no simulator on that damn rock to ease my needs. No artificial way to quench my thirst for him. If I made an advance, I knew where that would lead and it was a place I’d never been. For a second, he said nothing and I thought he might say he didn’t surge. Then I could blame my reaction to him on white knight syndrome or whatever the hell it was. Or I could blame it on aphrodisiac flowers or loneliness. Hell, did a surge even affect humans?
I feel like it did…
Innifer mentioned how she felt when Vahko touched her. But was I imagining things?
I wanted to run when Saleuk still wasn’t responding.
But he wasn’t saying anything to disprove my suspicions either.
“I heard two heartbeats,” I confessed quickly, pushing the words out before I lost my nerve. “I mean, that’s big, right?”
