Page 44 of Fight for You
Why didn’t we save her too?
When Jordyn only offered a faint smile, I pressed the push to start. She’d ask that question. Maybe not now. But as I came to realize it was as inevitable as dying, my demeanor became stiff, clunky.
No longer did I resemble an ex-operator. The Marines spent upward of $500,000 to a million dollars to train a Marine Raider—from basic recruit training to infantry, advanced Assessment and Selections, and Individual Training Courses. I should’ve been able to respond without the slightest twitch of muscle. Keep a neutral expression. Acknowledge the uncomfortable topic right away. I stumbled instead. The weird boy who got tossed in lockers and got the snot beaten out of him in high school.
As I steered from the parallel parking spot, I passed a swap meet with artificial Christmas trees on display. Then I thanked God this conversation was?—
“Do you mind if I ask you something?” Jordyn inquired, her voice soft with curiosity.
Uh-oh. From my peripheral, Jordyn had turned in her seat until her knee edged against the center divider while I squeezed through an almost red light to buy myself some time. “I’m an open book.”
“You told your parents about me, right, Jamie?” Her voice was hollow, hardly a whisper. “How did they respond?”
My stomach churned with the nauseating realization that her question was a thinly veiled demand for affirmation.
Yes, I told them about you. What do you take me for?But I couldn’t say that. Not even to bring her peace. I’d almost slipped when I’d told Jordyn about the girl in the cage.
It wasn’t the world I saved, but another little girl in a cage. She…ahem… reminded me of you.
Truth? The kid reminded me of Devi.
In a twisted tangle of events, I’d had the same dream since I was a kid.
First, I cowered in that cage.
After I met Willow as a teen, the nightmares shifted—she sat trapped inside all alone.
Later, it was Devi. After she died, my mind twisted itself into believing it had always been a younger version of her.
And then, real life tripped my brain out. I’d tracked through that compound with my M1 Carbine—and sawher.A little girl. In an actual cage. That image wrecked me for about a week. The same reoccurring dream of little Devi. Until she transformed into … Jordyn.
If my mind were a grave, I’d buried her almost six feet. Just an inch shy because she was always in the back of my thoughts. The adrenaline in the Marines, happy pills, none of it fully dulled the hurt. Even when I forgotwhythe pain felt so raw, my soul remembered.
Went to the Colonel the same day. I needed to retire.
But how the hell was I supposed to workthat—what was it,dissociative amnesia?—into an apology? I slowed for a homeless person jaywalking across the road.
“Did your parents say why they didn’t rescue me or the other children? I know the answer won’t change the past. It’ll help me … forgive them.”
“Jordyn …” I turned into a stuttering mess. That same sorry excuse for a teenager who got stuffed in the locker when Camdyn ditched school. “I, uh, I forgot about you.” My gaze flitted from the windshield. As if that was necessary.
“Forgot?” Jordyn whispered, arms wrapped around herself. Her brown eyes were moist with unfallen tears.
The one word echoed in my ear—forgot. Felt like a sucker punch. I deserved it, though. “I don’t know how it happened.” At this point, I just let it all out. My words were as stiff as my walk down the halls of the schools in Long Beach, California. As I drove down Caesar Chavez, I brought up Devi and Tatum and the reason I almost took my life nearly a decade ago when that prostitute died. “It was as if my brain tried to right itself and erase some of the worst moments, only leaving me with that very first day of my abduction.” Even as I took on the clinical tone of a therapist, I felt like anumpty nugget. “I?—”
“It’s okay. We all cope how we can. When I used to lie on my back, I allowed my mind to wander too. Used to be sparkly unicorns and Barbie dream houses. Then it was couture gowns and red bottoms.”
Her hand dropped on my forearm, and the touch gave me the courage to be brave. “No, it’s not okay, Jordyn. I want to explain. I’m gonna exp—” I glanced through the rearview mirror to figure out where I should stop, and my entire body went into fight mode. Cop cars. And their positioning. One. Two. Three cruisers. And an SUV. Fanned out wide. A net ready to capture.
A flash of red and blue lights hit the rearview mirror.
BLURP. Sirens rent the air. Rebel struggled to bark, and I didn’tget the chance to tell Jordyn about the day Nolan McGregor saved me. That day was so hazy. It made less sense than the loud boom of a female LAPD officer’s voice on the loudspeaker. “Pull over, now!”
Ruff.Ruff!
“Rebel,” I snapped.
“What did we do? You’re not even driving the speed limit,” Jordyn said.
