Page 43 of Fight for You
Before her lips could meet mine, my peripheral took control. I focused on the police cruiser that slowed down the street. I’d seen one driving slowly while placing my order at the outdoor counter. Should’ve checked the serial number beneath the to-protect-and-serve emblem on the driver’s door. Was it the same squad car? The same cop? Nah.Don’t be paranoid.
I smiled at Jordyn. “You stayed up all night with me whilewaiting for Rebel. So, I thought I’d get us the best burritos we’ll ever have and allow my—” I cleared my throat. Still felt weird to call them family. “Everyone to wake up before we drop in.”
“Is there something you’re not telling me, Jamie?”
“What?” I followed her to the truck.
“I get it. You’re very strategic. With regard to that list you had. You’d wanted me to get comfortable at your house. Were your folks on the list? Maybe a ‘make sure Jordyn feels comfortable before we drop by my par’—?”
“Not my—” I bit my tongue. She didn’t need to know how angry I was with the others.
Jordyn paused at the passenger door.
Clearing my throat, I grabbed the door for her and helped her inside. “Fingers and toes?”
“We are having this discussion.”
After helping Rebel into her seat, I went around to the driver’s side and climbed behind the wheel. Staring straight ahead, I couldn’t stop the animosity that turned my tone into steel. “I don’t consider them family anymore.”
“Why not?”
“They didn’t save you. Why else?”
Jordyn’s brow furrowed. “Ugh. That was supposed to be my excuse. Not yours.”
“Why not?” I opened the first burrito and passed it back to Rebel. “You better not get my ride dirty.” I glanced at Jordyn. “Why can’t it be my excuse too?”
“Oh, I thought it was rhetorical.” She palmed her forehead. “Jamie, you’re an intelligent person, but I gather that some things just don’t connect with you. Which is a-okay in my book. They are your family. Your parents. Wait, don’t give me that look.”
My eyebrow lifted. “What look?”
“The one that seems like you want to retort, but you don’t know how to have a ‘tude.”
Again, I arched a brow.
“Attitude. Keep up. If this were a week ago, I wouldn’t be saying this. If this were a dream, I’d probably be trying to punch you right now. It would be one of those darn slugs where my arm hardly moves and doesn’t make contact.”
I nod. “Those are annoying.”
“Yes, they are. And guess what’s more annoying? The cycles I went through after you disappeared. Was the scrawny boy real?—”
“I was not scraw?—”
“Was he an angel? Then, crying because I didn’t want to be alone. Or the moments where I thanked my lucky stars that you no longer had to endure …” Her words trailed off with a croak. Jordyn kicked off her shoes and tucked her feet up into the passenger seat. Anxiety radiated from her in waves as she bounced a knee and toyed with a thick mass of hair by twining it around her fingers. “In those moments, while I felt excruciatingly alone beneath some man’s body, I …”
As she spoke, I attributed the tremor in her voice to nervousness at how honest she was being. The false front Jordyn preserved crumbled.
“In those moments,” she said again, “I was so happy for you.Happyyou had parents who loved you, who’d look evil in the eye. They fought for you, Jamie. I’m guessing they’d still fight for you.” Her voice broke. “They love you. So, if you can have your lists. I’ll add that to my rules. No tickling me and no hating on your fam.”
“Okay.”
“Good. Your parents aside, when I wasn’t hating on you,” she said, smile bittersweet, “I was happy I knew someone who survived. I’m glad we reconnected. I’m glad you tell me things that I hadn’t noticed about myself.” She glanced at her worn palms. “You can be deep sometimes, Jamie. You’re exactly what I … need.”
I stared at her, longing more than anything to unravel every hurt Jordyn ever felt. She was right, though. Every once in a while,someone would tell me that what I’d say was deep. Contemplative. Probably because I spent more time staring at a person from afar than actually engaging with them. So, I felt like anuggetwithout the right words to say. For a moment, I scanned the flow of traffic as if to prepare to drive from the parallel position. But that was a copout. Finally, I managed to speak, voice deep, tight, strangled by the emotion I hardly let out anymore. “Well, now you have me, JorJor. If you can’t tell by now that I’m willing to fight for you—fight through hell—I’m sure Chelomey won’t mind helping me with that challenge.”
I let out an enormous sigh, waiting for her to say something that would undo the fierce look I offered, that I hoped conveyed what I couldn’t say. What I didn’t know how to say. Because I knew this moment would come.
Why?
