Page 53 of Wooing the Wiccan
I shake my head and turn away from the window, going to sit on the sofa. “No, thanks. Sit with me.”
He’s beside me almost before I’ve finished getting the sentence out, and my confidence plumps up. I’m sorry to have made him unhappy, but it’s nice knowing I’ve been missed. At one point in the mess of trying to untangle my feelings, I wondered if he’d even noticed my absence.
“I’ve learned a lot lately,” I begin carefully, “and there’s still so much more I don’t know.”
Raðulfr nods. “That’s true, and I’m not trying to detract from this specific situation, but one thing you grow to accept over time is that it’s impossible to know everything. I’ve been alive a long time, and there are things I’ll never know.”
“Yes.” I seize on the opening. “I’ve always been willing to accept that, but I’d like to understand as much as possible about the community I’m living in. Especially if I’m going to be a bigger part of that community going forward…” I let the words hang between us, wondering if he’ll understand what I’m implying.
His face doesn’t change. It’s attentive and eager, but nothing else. I’m going to have to be more explicit.
“Last time we spoke, I was angry,” I start, choosing my words carefully, and he jumps in.
“You were entitled to be. You had a lot of shocks, and you found out I’d been lying… I would have been surprised if you weren’t angry.”
“Thank you. I appreciate that. I want to be clear, though, that I’m not angry anymore, and I don’t hold a grudge about the lies. You were protecting a whole society, and there wasn’t any other choice. I… I don’t love that we started out with so many secrets and mistruths, but I understand why it had to be that way.” I’ll always be unhappy about what went down. There’s no way to change the feeling that I was duped. But Raðulfr wouldn’t be the man he is if he was capable of betraying his people’s safety for his own best interests. He wouldn’t be the man I fell for. So I’mgoing to have to move on from that and embrace the truth I’m now a part of.
The anguish on his face goes a long way toward reassuring me of his good intentions. “If I could have told you?—”
“I know. Now that I’ve had time to think things through, I know you would have told me if you could have. I respect that you didn’t. You’ve seen your people through horrors I can’t even imagine, and I respect the way you continue to protect them.”
He swallows hard, his eyes momentarily glassy. “Thank you. But I want to be clear that I was ready to tell you as soon as the law allowed. We might not have known each other that long, but I knew… Well, I knew how I felt. Feel. And I was certain I could trust you not to betray us.”
Warmth slithers through me, and unable to resist, I lean forward and gently kiss him, pulling back before either of us can get carried away.
His chest rises as he inhales deeply. “Don’t do that again until you’re ready for more,” he warns, and I chuckle.
“Noted. Um… is it okay… Would you…”
He meets my gaze solidly. “You can ask me anything, Jared.”
“Can I see you without the glamor?” I blurt. “Only, I’ve been told most people don’t use it when they’re home, and I… I don’t want you to be uncomfortable… around… me.” Even as I speak, his true features are revealed—along with the same momentary golden glow I saw last time. “Oh, wow,” I whisper, then wince. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to sound… It’s just, last time I was still overwhelmed by everything, and Isaw, but I didn’t…” I trail off. None of my words are helping this situation.
“It might be best for us both if we agree to only be honest with each other from now on,” he says solemnly. “Would you like me to use the glamor? I won’t be offended.”
“No! No, that’s not what I meant. You’re attractive with or without it. I…” I bite my lip. “I don’t know how to say thiswithout it seeming xenophobic, but I agree that we should be honest. I guess I was just surprised by how attractive I find you without the glamor.” I brace for his reaction and hope I haven’t hurt him.
To my surprise—and I think his—he laughs. “That’s not what I expected you to say. I’m glad you’re still attracted to me.”
Whew. “So… I haven’t offended you?”
Raðulfr shakes his head. “No. I’ve never been in this position before, but you never thought there would be a reality where you dated someone nonhuman. It’s normal for you to need to adjust your thinking.”
I slide my hands under my thighs to keep myself from lunging for him. How did I get lucky enough to meet a man who checks so many of the boxes on my list? Kind, responsible, handsome, intelligent, understanding… So far, the only one he doesn’t check is “human,” and honestly, that was neveronthe list.
“This is good,” I say instead of crawling into his lap and exploring every curve and angle of his face with my mouth. “We both understand where the other is coming from, we agree to be honest, and we’re still hot for each other.” Heat explodes in my cheeks. “Uh. I was going to phrase that differently.”
“It’s accurate.” He shrugs. “You probably have more questions.”
“A lot,” I agree. “But most of them I can get the answers to as life goes along.” Like what that golden glow was. His magic? But why have I never seen it before? “The, uh, the most important one is where we seeusgoing from here.”
A concerned frown tugs at his mouth. “What do you mean? You said you didn’t want to break up. AndIdefinitely don’t want to.”
“I’m glad to hear that. But what does us being together look like? You’re the species leader for I don’t even know howmany people. You have a security team and responsibilities. I’m guessing that impulsive long weekends at the beach are probably not something you can do.”
He winces. “It’s not out of the question… if I don’t already have commitments, and if we let the team know ahead of time. Which makes it not impulsive.”
I nod. “Right. That’s okay, by the way. I get that there are people counting on you. The magic, or the life force, or whatever you want to call it picked you for a reason, and since it hasn’t picked anyone else yet, that means you’re still what your people need. I’m just not sure how I fit in with that.” I wince. My intention wasn’t to sound as pathetic as that.
