Page 71 of Lost Touch
“Neither of you were trying to sleep in the pack house last night. You got to leave once the show started!” Arik scowled at them both. “Anyway. Ash. Good for you. I wondered if it might work both ways, but I didn’t want to say anything in case it didn’t. But either way, the spell’s not a long-term solution.”
“Why not?” Drew had finished his breakfast, and he pushed the plate away, leaning his crossed arms on the table. For comfort while digesting, or alpha posturing? Maybe some of both. “If it works, it works. Is it going to wear off, or is it something that stays until you undo it?”
“It probably won’t wear off,” Arik admitted, though he didn’t look happy about it. “But that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. The longer it’s on you, the more real it’s going to feel to you. Breaking it’ll feel like breaking a real mate bond. And that’s fucking awful.”
“Since when do you care about people’s comfort?” Nate asked, almost managing to make the question sound innocent, big brown eyes all wide and limpid. “Is this personal growth?”
“Idon’tcare,” Arik snapped, with a toss of his long blond hair over his shoulder and a sniff. “It’s professional pride. I’m not sending these two out into the world with a spell that’s a bad solution when we could possibly solve their actual magical issues.”
“We have other issues besides magical ones,” Drew put in, and thank God, because who knew how long those two could’ve bickered over us without bothering to actually consult us about it. “We can come back later if we decide that’s the right way to go, and frankly, I don’t see why there’d be any rush. I don’t have a problem with leaving it as-is. Also, it doesn’t sound like you actually have anything concrete. You just want to try, which is great, but it’s also not a guarantee. Ash? Back me up here?”
I turned to find him leaning in, his face so close to mine that I could’ve closed the gap and kissed him with the tiniest motion. His dark, gorgeous eyes drew me in, making me not want to look anywhere else—ever. Grateful as I was that someone at the table had thought to ask my opinion, I knew my judgment on this couldn’t be trusted. Being Drew’s fake mate wouldn’t be quite as perfect as being his mate for real, but—
Oh. Oh, fucking God. I wanted to be his mate for real.
There was nothing in the world I wanted more, and this spell would be the next best thing. Only for me, though, because I could make a rational decision and Drew couldn’t. The thought of Arik fixing what the warlocks had done to Drew and then lifting his spell, so that Drew wouldn’t want me anymore, left me panicked and nauseated and clammy-palmed and desperate, and that was selfish, so incredibly, horrifyingly selfish, and I hated myself—
I pushed to my feet, my chair scraping and clattering along the floor as I shoved it back.
They all stared at me, and Drew jumped up too. “Ash, baby? You okay? What did I say? What did I—”
“I need some air,” I choked out, and basically ran for it. I’d noticed a back door while I’d been eating, so I dodged around Nate and Ian and stumbled out, letting the door bang shut behind me.
The air turned out to be cool, fresh, and scented with a dizzying variety of plants and flowers and herbs—all of which grew in rows and plots in a huge garden stretching out in front of me. Did I have allergies? No idea.
I drew another deep breath. No sneezing, so maybe not.
The garden looked like a decent place to run away in, so I headed down the nearest row, turning to fit between something bushy with blue flowers and something tall and viny that had been propped up with wooden stakes.
My head spun, and I fought the urge to hide under one of the flowered things and throw up. Whoever cultivated this garden doubtless wouldn’t appreciate it.
How could I ever look Drew in the eye again? How could I lookmyselfin the eye the next time I stood in front of a mirror? I’d been this close to agreeing with him that the spell could stay indefinitely, getting everything I wanted—most importantly Drew himself, but also his help figuring out my past—while throwing everything that would be best for him out the fucking window.
Drew wouldn’t prioritize me over his own well-being if he were in his right mind. No one would. Staying all magically fucked-up for my convenience? He’d have to be nuts. And taking advantage of the way he happened to be magically fucked-upandnuts at present would make me absolute fucking scum.
The back door banged again, and I winced and scurried further into the garden, even knowing that my blond hair in the bright sunlight would stand out like a beacon amidst all the greenery.
Rustling behind me told me I’d failed to get away, and Drew’s hand on my arm gently turning me to face him didn’t surprise me at all.
“What’s wrong?” He gazed down at me seriously, brows furrowed, eyes dark with concern. I wanted to throw myself into his arms and let him make all the bad decisions he wanted as long as it meant I’d never have to let go of him.
“We have to fix you.” Wehadto, or the devil on my shoulder would take over completely. “Finding out what happened to me over a year ago isn’t as important. It’s not like I’m going to get even more suspected of assault and car theft if we wait a few more days.”
“Okay, that’s your opinion on what we ought to do, but that’s not what I fucking asked. Ash, what’s wrong?”
I doubted saying I was fine would fly, but it crossed my mind.
“I’m tired,” came out instead, sounding equally lame.
Drew’s frown deepened. “You’re tired. No, fuck that. Maybe you could tell me what’s on your mind instead of—”
“Oh, yeah, and you’re a poster child for full disclosure,” I snarled, yanking my arm out of his grasp. “Maybe I get to have some privacy inside my own goddamn head?”
Drew went too still, rigid, like he had to hold himself in check.
And then he took a step back. Away from me. It shouldn’t have hurt so much.
“Of course,” he said stiffly. “You can have all the privacy you want. But we still need to decide what we’re doing. You want to stay and let those two fuck around with us until they think of something. I don’t. So we need to settle it one way or the other.”
