Page 73 of Paging Dr. Breakup
“Oh my.”
After a few seconds of chuckling together, he said, “Let’s talk about the festival coming up. With everyone around.”
Instinctively, she stiffened. “Okay.”
“I’m not sure if I want to go on with the way things are between us.”
“Sure. With your head injury, that’s understandable.”
“No. As a fake dating couple.”
“Oh.” She rubbed her suddenly aching sternum. “I get it.”
“Deirdre, no. Stop.” He blew out air, and she imagined him rubbing his forehead. “What I’m saying is, what if we weren’t fake? I’ve mentioned it before. What if this was real?”
“I—”
“I don’t know how to explain this in a way that makes sense. My future has been trapped in my past for a long time. I want to exist in the present.” He paused. “Can you be in the present with me, Deirdre?”
Her marriage to Elijah. His death. Her parents’ passing. The life she had here in Yukon Valley. The life events she had experienced, and her choices were all like branches on a river, rushing her in sometimes uncontrollable directions.
What if she picked the wrong branch? “Maybe. That’s all I can promise. Because of… my past.”
“Not the past. I can’t compete there—” He cut off her protest. “Not the future either, because thinking about thatwillgive me a headache. I only want here and now.”
Despite his words, she allowed herself an image of a future that didn’t yet exist. A future with Calvin in it. A decision she could trust.
What if she couldn’t let go of her fears?
She sat straight up.
What if shecouldlet go of her fears?
“I’m not sure,” she said, heart hammering and eyes burning. She rubbed her aching chest. “I want to try.” Another pause. “I don’t want to get hurt.”
He breathed once. Twice. Anchoring, calming sounds. A solid structure firmly attached to shore, steadying her in rough emotional waters. “Deirdre, listen. Something I realized after my brain’s control-alt-delete is that I need to reach for what I want. Take a risk. No pretending. No lies. No regrets. No hiding my authentic self like I did years ago.”
“I understand completely.”
“This is my authentic self, saying that he wants to try for a real relationship with your authentic self.”
If things worked out, she would be fortunate to have had two men in her life who made her feel special. Guilt popped up before she pushed it back down. “It may not be easy for me.”
“Challenging things aren’t always easy.”
“You’ve always faced challenges head-on,” she murmured.
How could she explain that her heart was at its limit. Any more pain and she would shatter.
“Deirdre, you still there?”
“Yes.”
“You don’t have to answer right now. I want to do this the right way.”
“What do you mean?”
“How about a real date? Not a pretend date.”
