Page 42 of Keep You Safe
“Why not?” Adler’s tone was all reasonable.
I quirked my mouth as I thought back on my younger years. “Not much place on the rodeo circuit for fooling around. Too close a circle for many secrets.”
“But back on the ranch?” Adler pressed. “Maverick’s been out for years.”
“And gone for most of those.” I made a frustrated noise, glancing longingly at the blank TV screen. “Told you. As foreman, I can’t be playin’ favorites.”
“You haven’t always been foreman.”
“True.” I kept my gaze on the TV, not his face. “After my mom left and that whole mess, it was just my dad and me and Ol’ Blue. I can’t say as we shared all our opinions. Guess wanting to keep the peace at home might have kept my eyes from wandering. Who knows?”
“That’s sad.” Adler rubbed my shoulder like I’d confessed some sort of tragedy.
“Wasn’t like I was pining.” I resisted the urge to flinch away from his kind touch. I neither deserved nor desired his sympathy. “If I had an itch, I went into Durango, found something easy for the night. Never really considered crossing the street, so to speak.” I forced a laugh, lightening my tone. “And there’s no point in ruminating on the past. Not like I’m about to go bar hopping. You’re the only guy I want at the moment.”
“Good.” Adler gave a happy wriggle. “You’re the only guy I want as well. Is it so bad to want one dance together?”
I’d walked right into that trap, and all I could do was sigh. “I can’t be what you need.”
“You’re all I need right now,” Adler said brightly, but his guarded eyes gave him away. No matter what he said, he was no poker player. He liked me far too much. I was likely to break his heart. And mine too, much as I wanted to pretend it was made of stone. The kindest thing would be to push him off my lap, send him back to the bunkhouse, and end this nonsense. Not flip on the show, snuggle him more securely against me, and breathe deeply, memorizing his scent, but that was exactly what I ended up doing.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Adler
“I can’t believeit’s Christmas Eve.” Faith pulled her wool coat closer around her narrow shoulders despite the heater on full blast in Maverick’s truck. As predicted, my little car was no match for slick and icy roads. An upgrade was in order, but that would have to wait until I rebuilt my savings. In the meantime, Maverick was happy to loan me the truck for twelve-step meetings, such as the Christmas Eve one Faith and I were on our way back from. These days, I mainly did online meetings, but I’d figured Faith might need extra support with the holiday, and I didn’t mind the excuse for in-person fellowship.
“December went fast,” I agreed. I kept my eyes on the road because the early evening twilight was liable to bring out deer and other hazards. The early darkness had taken some getting used to, and I was actually grateful for the speed with which the shorter days were passing. “And it’s only a week until the wedding.”
“Don’t remind Maverick.” Faith made a soft tsking noise. “He’s already got his stress dial turned up to eleven.”
“It’ll all work out.” As usual, I kept my tone bright. My role was to have the confidence others lacked for both the holiday and the wedding. Colt’s mother and aunt had the weddingprep firmly in hand, not that Maverick seemed to trust that everything would work out. The girls were also in a tizzy of anticipation, and I’d been called to admire their outfit choices multiple times. Faith, however, was harder to read. “A better question is, how are you holding up?”
“Me?” Faith sounded a bit too skeptical, a deflection technique I was only too familiar with. “I’m not the one getting married.”
“Last year was my first sober holiday in a long time.” I’d been alone to boot. I’d attended virtual meeting after virtual meeting to keep the loneliness at bay. I could have gone home to New Jersey, but somehow that prospect had seemed even worse. “I’m not afraid to admit that celebrating hits differently sober.”
“Eh. I never was much on eggnog.” Faith chuckled, but I didn’t.
“That answer might fly with others, but not a fellow addict.” I made my voice stern. I’d spent enough time around Grayson that I was mastering my imitation of his firm tone. “How are you really?”
I could ask myself the same question, but I wouldn’t. I was living in the present moment. That was enough. My near-nightly visits with Grayson and the dogs kept me going. Sure, he wasn’t going to grant my request of a dance at the wedding, and I’d be foolish to hope he’d ever want to take this thing between us public, but I was happy with what we had. Maverick needed me for wedding help and reassurance. Life was decent. Pining for more would be an exercise in futility.
Faith stayed silent for several long minutes on our drive back to the ranch before she took a deep breath. “I’m on the outside of my life looking in. Hannah is thriving with Maverick as her guardian. She’s riding horses far better than I ever did, she’s deep into a TV show I’ve never heard of, and she’s doingadvanced math in school and talking about friends and teachers I haven’t met yet.”
“That’s hard and a lot to sit with.” I chose my words carefully. Faith hadn’t shared at the meeting, and I was a little surprised she’d opened up here in the truck. I wanted to validate her without denying the truth that Maverick was providing her daughter with a stability Faith had struggled with in the past. “How are you coping?”
“Barely. I alternate between keeping my distance and showing interest in Hannah’s new life, but I seem to keep asking the wrong questions.” Faith’s cultured voice took on a mournful edge.
“She’s also a teenager,” I pointed out as I slowed for an ancient farm truck plodding along. “Teens are notorious for not talking.”
“True.” Faith didn’t sound like she bought my logic.
“Sometimes all you can do is keep trying. Take it one interaction at a time.” I gave the same sort of advice we heard over and over at the meetings, hoping that it might resonate with Faith this time.
“Maverick keeps urging me to find a new passion.” She twisted her hands in her lap. “Wish I had a clue where to start. So far, I’ve tried bead art, adult coloring, and card making, but crafting isn’t cutting it.”
“Trying to fill empty hours is hard.” I knew that particular pain well, but I wanted to keep the focus on Faith. Besides, my days were much fuller lately, what with Grayson and the dogs as well as work and bunkhouse activities like the card games. I glanced over at Faith as she stared vacantly out the truck window. “What did you want to be when you were younger?”
