Page 86 of Sins of the Flesh
The way he sounded and his final line still haunts me.I did this to him and now there is no doubt in my mind it is my fault because Caleb didn't do anything wrong.Fuck!I did exactly what Grandma Dotty warned me not to do.I let my fear and insecurities take over.He deserves so much fucking better than me.
I doze off in my truck waiting for Ally as these thoughts torment me.I wake when I hear a car door slam.Ally steps out walking up to the door.I let out a breath, thankful that Caleb has such a great friend in his ex-wife.She knocks but there is no answer.She continues to knock and poke the door frame which I assume means she is ringing the bell.She pulls out a set of keys and lets herself inside.
I wait a half hour to ensure no emergency vehicles arrive.Since none do, I assume Caleb is alive, and that has to be enough.
Forty-Nine
Caleb
Last Hope - Paramore
T
he pounding in my head materializes into real pounding when I wake up from yet another drunken stupor slumped in an armchair in my living room.It takes a moment before I realize it’s the front door.The pounding with intermittent ringing of the doorbell makes my head throb.
“Go away,” I grumble, my voice full of gravel from sleep, most likely not loud enough for the intruder to hear.I hear a click, and then the front door creaks open.
Ally is covering her eyes with her hand yelling in her sing-song voice, “I tried to give you a chance to answer the door, but you didn't, so I hope you're decent.”
She pulls her hand down and gasps.“Caleb, what the hell happened?!”I groan without moving.She approaches the couch cautiously, moving trash and dishes so she can sit on the couch nearest the chair I am slumped in.
“Caleb, you're a mess.What's going on?”She breathes, her concern palpable.
“Just leave me alone, please.”I groan, my head still pounding.I reach for the bottle of whiskey on the small side table.Ally swipes it from my hand.
“Nope, no sir, not happening.Whatever this is,” she says, waving her hand to indicate to me.“Is stopping right now.I'm going to make coffee, and then you and I are going to have a talk,”
She leaves the room in a huff.I groan and put my arm over my eyes.The last thing I need right now is to discuss my relationship issues with my ex-wife right now.Ugh.
She comes back a few moments later with the coffee and places two tablets in my hand.“Take these and drink some coffee.”Then she sets a plate of scrambled eggs with cheese and bacon next to me.“Then eat.”
I follow her orders while she starts cleaning the living, kitchen, and dining room.The musky odor of old liquor and stale food fills the air, mixed with the faint scent of cleaning products as Ally starts to tackle the mess.
The living room is a disaster zone.Trash and dishes litter the floor, along with empty liquor bottles and greasy food containers.The dining room table is covered in stacks of paper, mail, and clothes, piled so high the table is no longer visible and the chairs are lost in the mess.
In the kitchen, dishes fill the sink and counters, while the fridge is almost empty aside from beer and a few essentials.The trash is overflowing, with full stacked bags next to it.Flies dart around the small room making a feast of the filth.I feel awful that she is cleaning up my mess, but I don't care enough to stop her.
I finish my food and coffee.The headache is now a dull hum.So I get up and start helping Ally clean.We spend the next two hours cleaning in silence.Ally glances at me periodically and where I expect to see judgement I find none.No, her eyes hold a mix of concern and anger but she says nothing.
When we are done, I reach into the refrigerator to grab a beer.Ally takes the beer out of my hand.“Not today, buddy.”She takes me by the shoulders and turns me.“Shower, shave, and change now,” she says sternly.I groan but oblige her request.
I emerge from my bedroom fresher than I have been in, I don’t know how long and sit in the armchair with a huff.Ally opens the curtains and windows, letting in the fresh air and light.The room has somehow transformed into a glimmer of its former self with floral scents replacing the decay.However, it doesn't match the darkness within me, and I just want to return to my tomb.
“Okay, now that we have resurrected your human side, let's talk,” Ally says.Her tone suggests that this isn't going to be optional.
“Can we not do the whole ‘talk about feelings’ thing?”I say, using air quotes.
“Too bad so sad besties here now, spill."She responds with a smirk squeezing my knee.“This is not like you at all, Caleb.”She says leaning towards me.
“I thought pain passed with time but it feels like it gets worse everyday.”I mumble, staring down at her hand as an errant tear slides down my cheek.She sits silently, and I know she is waiting for more.So I tell her everything.
“My God, Charlotte is a conniving bitch!”She says.“And you’re sure Cole is convinced you poisoned him?”she asks.
“Yeah the terror on his face in the hospital pretty much spelled it out.”I say my heart aching remembering that day.
“You weren’t charged with anything Caleb.And if he really believes you would hurt him like that then he never really knew you.”She says her words fierce but her face and eyes soft.
“I wish I knew how to let him go because I know there's no chance.I even called and left him a message the other night explaining what happened but I don’t even know if he heard it.”I say hanging my head.
