Page 81 of Sins of the Flesh
My stomach clenches.The police have come by twice, asking questions I couldn't, wouldn't answer.Even though Caleb broke my heart and possibly poisoned me I couldn’t hurt him.I should want to but I can't find it in me to hate him that much.What kills me is I don't hate him at all, I love him and I miss him and I think that hurts the most.
A small tap on the door sounds and Vera pops her head in “Ya decent?”I laugh as she shimmies in carrying my lunch for the day.I finally graduated to real food but I still haven't convinced her to bring me a burger or maybe some pizza.She sets down the tray and its standard hospital issue bland cardboard food but they gave me salt and fucking pepper!
“Hell yes flavor!”Vera smirks and leans in close conspiratorially.
“I got you this,” she whispers, placing a blueberry muffin on the tray and my eyes go wide as saucers.
“You’re the best Vera!”I gush.
“Hush now don't want everyone knowin you're my favorite do ya?”I shake my head, my mouth already full of my favorite treat.She smiles and winks leaving the room.I savor the flavors but a rush of sadness envelops me when I remember the last time I had a blueberry muffin.
He even had to ruin my favorite thing.I set the muffin aside as a lump rises in my throat.The most confusing thing about everything with Caleb is I don't understand how I still love him this much.To the point of physical pain everytime I think about him.The knowledge that he's no longer mine makes my heart throb.
I push the tray away and lay there listening to the steady beep of the heart monitor.“I wish I never met you Caleb.”I whisper into the quiet room.“I wish I never loved you.I wish I never gave you my heart.”I tear rolls down my cheek and I just let it because I already know many more will follow as I feel the second one fall.
FINALLY, I am escaping this torture chamber known as a hospital!I wonder how close hospitals are in comparison to prison cells?“Okay Mr.Abbot you're all set, your liver should make a full recovery as long as you don't get poisoned again.”The Doctor says winking, ha ha someone's got jokes.
“Thanks Doc,” I say with a smirk.
You know when someone wins the superbowl and is asked what's the first thing they are going to do?That's the vibe right now and my first and only desire right now is a full night's sleep.
Nurses in hospitals seem to have a grudge against sleep, interrupting it every time I’m just shy of dreaming.I thought you need sleep to heal for fucks sake.And the beds seriously?My ass hurts so bad I swear it would have divorced me if I stayed another night.
Mason went downstairs to get the truck so I double check the room to make sure I have everything.I pull the door open to find Vera and smile wrapping my arms around her neck.“You be good now, ya hear.”I smile and nod.
“Yes ma’am.”I say.
“Your friend is out there waiting for you.”She beams.Friend?Masons back already?
“Mason?”I ask confused as to why he would leave his truck in a no parking zone.
“No, No, Mr.Caleb.He’s been out there waitin on you for the last couple days.”A cold spark of fear shoots down my spine.Caleb has been here the whole time?What could he possibly want?To finish me off what the fuck!“Cole?”I shake my head and look at Vera trying for a smile.But nothing about seeing Caleb again makes me want to smile, fuck fuck fuck.
Vera squeezes my arm and walks away as I turn towards the double doors and take a deep breath.I clutch my bag of belongings and brace myself.As I enter the waiting room, I immediately spot Caleb even with a full beard, I recognize him.His hair is limp and greasy and he’s wearing the same clothes I saw him in when he snuck into my room.He really hasn't left the hospital this whole time but, why?
A pang of guilt hits me but I crush it, him looking this pathetic and destitute is not my fault.Caleb springs to his feet and rakes his hand through the mop on his head as he stumbles a little stepping towards me.I shake my head and turn quickly walking towards the elevator."Cole," He calls his voice raspy and hoarse.I turn on him, stopping him in his tracks.
"Don't," I warn, instinctively raising a hand in front of me."I told you, I don't want to talk to you."
"Please, just let me explain," he begs, desperation evident in his every word as he follows me.His usually confident demeanor is replaced by a sense of vulnerability that stabs at my heart."I swear I didn-"
"Save it," I turn on him once more in front of the elevator after I push the button and cut him off sharply."I don't care what excuses you have.It's over, Caleb.We're done.Stay the hell away from me."I ignore the pang of guilt and sadness that threatens to consume me at the sight of his broken expression.
But Caleb is not one to give up easily.As the elevator doors open he steps forward.I step into the elevator, turning to face him one last time, I can feel my heart shattering at the sight of Caleb's beautiful but shattered face."Goodbye, Caleb," I say softly, unable to hold back tears as the doors close between us.
The elevator descends slowly, taking me away from the man who once held my heart in his hands, then brutally crushed it.
Forty-Six
Caleb
Nothing Compares 2 U - Sinead O’Connor
I
now understand the feeling of the girl sitting in the window with the seasons changing in Twilight.Ally used to make me watch those movies all the time.I never could relate to any of it until now.
There hasn't been a day that the longing, loneliness, and sadness don’t threaten to break me down.The physical ache is tormenting, but it's the agonizing void in my chest that kills me the most.When that place inside you where love connects you to someone suddenly becomes severed, it's the most profound emptiness I have ever known.
