Page 42 of Sins of the Flesh
We sit in companionable silence for a few moments, both lost in our own thoughts.Finally, Ally speaks up."So, what do we do now?Practically speaking, I mean."I take a deep breath, considering.
I run a hand through my hair, feeling both lighter and heavier at the same time."Well, I suppose we should separate, at least for now.Give ourselves some space to figure things out."The words feel surreal coming out of my mouth.
We sit in silence for a moment, both processing the enormity of what we've just decided.Then I take a deep breath and say, "I suppose we need to figure out living arrangements, and we'll have to tell the kids."
Ally nods, her brow furrowed in thought."I could stay with my sister for a while," she offers."Just until we sort things out.As for the kids...maybe we wait until their spring break?That way we can tell them together, when they're home."The thought of telling our children makes my stomach churn, but I know it's necessary.
"That sounds like a good plan," I agree."And...what about the congregation?The town?"
Ally's eyes soften with understanding."We'll need to be discreet," she says gently."For your sake, and for the church.Maybe we can file the paperwork quietly and just...not make a big announcement?"
I nod gratefully, relief washing over me.Even in this difficult moment, Ally's thoughtfulness touches me deeply."Thank you," I murmur."I know it's not fair to ask you to keep this quiet, but..."
She squeezes my hand."Caleb, I understand.This town...they're not ready for an openly gay priest.And I don't want to make things harder for you or the kids."We sit in silence for a moment, the weight of our decisions settling around us.
Then Ally stands up abruptly."You know what?I think we could both use a drink."She retrieves a bottle of wine and two glasses from the kitchen cabinet.As she pours, a small smile plays at the corners of her mouth."Remember when we used to stay up late playing gin rummy?"she asks, a hint of nostalgia in her voice.
I chuckle softly, memories of countless nights spent hunched over cards flooding back."How could I forget?You always managed to beat me."Ally sets the glasses down and retrieves a deck of cards from the drawer."What do you say?One last game for old times' sake?"
"You're on,” I say.She cocks an eyebrow playfully
“Don't expect me to go easy on you," she retorts playfully.
"I wouldn't dream of it," I reply with a smile.
Grateful for this moment of normalcy amidst the chaos.We shuffle and deal, falling into the familiar rhythm of the game.As we play, we talk, about the kids, about our plans for the future, about the life we've shared.There's sadness, yes, but also a sense of hope.Of new beginnings.
Ally deals the cards with practiced ease and picks up her hand, her eyes meeting mine over the fan of cards in her hand."You know," she says softly, "I always wondered why you chose gin as our game.It seemed so...old-fashioned."
I chuckle, arranging my cards."I suppose I am a bit old-fashioned," I admit."But I liked the strategy of it.The way you have to plan ahead, but also adapt to what's in front of you."
Ally nods, a thoughtful expression on her face."Kind of like life, isn't it?"She muses."We make our plans, but then things change and we have to adapt."
I consider her words as I study my cards."You're right," I say softly."I never planned for this, but here we are."
We play in companionable silence for a few minutes, the familiar rhythm of drawing and discarding cards soothing in its familiarity.As I lay down a set of threes, a thought occurs to me.
"Ally," I begin hesitantly, "What you said earlier, about suspecting I might be gay...How long have you known?"She pauses, her hand hovering over the discard pile.
"I'm not sure exactly," she admits."It was more of a gradual realization.Little things that didn't quite add up.”Ally's words hang in the air as I process them.A mix of guilt and relief washes over me.
"I'm sorry I didn't realize it sooner," I say softly."Maybe I could have spared us both some pain."
She shakes her head, a gentle smile on her face."Don't apologize, Caleb.We both did the best we could with what we knew at the time."She lays down a run of hearts."Besides, I wouldn't trade our life together for anything.We have two beautiful children and years of happy memories."
I nod, swallowing past the lump in my throat."You're right.I wouldn't change it either."I discard a card, then ask hesitantly, "So...tell me about John.How did it start?"Ally pauses, a faint blush coloring her cheeks.
"It was so unexpected," she says softly."I'd gone into the hardware store for some paint samples.John was helping me choose colors, and we just got to talking.Before I knew it, an hour had passed."
She takes a sip of wine before continuing."After that, I found myself making excuses to go back to the store.We'd chat, laugh together.It felt...easy.Comfortable."Ally's eyes grow distant, lost in the memory."One day, he asked if I wanted to grab coffee.I knew I should say no, but..."She trails off, shaking her head.
I nod, understanding all too well the pull of unexpected connection."And from there?"I prompt gently.Ally pauses, taking a sip of wine before continuing.
"It was innocent at first.Just coffee and conversation.But then one day, we were walking back to our cars after coffee.It was raining, and John offered to share his umbrella.We were standing so close, and he just...he kissed me."She looks up at me, her eyes shining with unshed tears."I knew it was wrong, but it felt so right in that moment."
I absorb her words, feeling a mix of sadness and understanding."I'm glad you found that," I say softly."You deserve to be happy, Ally."Ally's touch is warm and familiar, a bittersweet reminder of our shared history.
"Thank you, Caleb," she says softly."That means a lot coming from you."
