Page 92 of Sins of the Flesh
IT’S BEEN NINE MONTHS of soul searching and hard work to find my passion and drive but I’m finally here.The sermon I'm giving fills me with purpose.As I stand at the pulpit, my words flow with a newfound passion.The congregation leans in, captivated by the message of hope and resilience.I can feel the energy in the room, a tangible connection between myself and the people I've sworn to guide.
"In our darkest moments," I say, my voice strong and clear, "We often forget that light exists.But it's there, waiting for us to find it again."My eyes sweep across the faces before me, seeing both pain and possibility reflected back."Our struggles don't define us.It's how we rise above them that truly matters."I announce with vigor.
After I complete my sermon to enthusiastic applause I start the announcements.“Finally I would like to announce the church’s intention to start a food bank.Bins for donation will be at the doorways every Sunday.Now, on the note of finding light I have written a song I would like to play for you today."
I pull out my guitar, take a stool with a microphone on a mic stand, and start the chords for my song.The choir hums in the background, creating a melody that reaches the heavens.As I sing the words describing my journey.
The congregation sits in rapt silence as I strum the final chords of "True Light."As the last note fades away, I look up to see tears glistening in many eyes.There's a moment of hushed reverence before resounding applause erupts.
I scan the congregation, so many faces filled with hope and excitement.Then my eyes catch on someone cheering and clapping in the back of the room and my breath catches.Someone I haven’t seen in a year.A beautiful pale boy whose smile has been burnt into my memory.His shiny haphazard black silken curls that my fingers can't forget.And those beautiful gem like green eyes that own my soul.The man who owns my heart…Cole.
Fifty-Three
Cole
Love Me Like You Do - Ellie Goulding
A
fter everyone leaves the church, I walk back into the chapel.Being this close to him causes my whole body to tremble.I take a deep breath and ascend the stairs to the stage, standing next tothe pulpit.Caleb has his back to me, coiling up cables.
“Hi,” I croak while standing next to the pulpit.Caleb’s shoulders lift, but he doesn't turn.“Um…that song was beautiful,” I tell him.Still, he doesn't turn, and I am starting to grow antsy.I’ve fucked this up so badly he doesn’t want to be around me.
“Well, okay, I'm gonna head out.”I turn to walk out, but his voice stops me.
“Cole?You shouldn’t be here,” he says, his back still to me.“It’s dangerous,” his neck and back are stiff with tension.
“Why is it dangerous, Caleb?”I whisper.He turns and finally looks at me, not the menacing stare of a killer, but the anguished stare of a man in pain.
“Because I-” I cut him off.
“You what, Caleb?”I step closer, leaning on the pulpit to support my trembling legs.He comes close, leaving feet between us as the tension radiates.
“Because I…” His eyes glassy, he chokes on the lie I know he’s trying to tell.
“No, you didn't, Caleb, and I know you never would.”Shock crosses his face, and he takes a small step closer.
“You believe me?”He whispers as a single tear zigzagging down his cheek.
“Not at first, but eventually I knew.I'm sorry I didn't trust you and let my insecurities get in the way.”
Caleb steps closer.“You don't have to be sorry, Cole."Hearing my name from his lips after so long makes my heart thump faster.“I was never mad or upset with you, not even for a minute,” he whispers as he slowly moves closer, and I believe him.I know he would blame himself before he would ever blame me.
“No, Caleb, I'm serious.I was wrong.I should have trusted you because if I had, I would have already known you would never have done that to me.”My voice cracks towards the end.
“It's okay, Cole.We both played our parts, and now… we are here,” he says, his eyes searching.He inches closer.I'm unsure if he knows he's doing it, but I won't stop him.
We stare for what feels like minutes, but is probably only seconds, before he whispers a halting breath.“I'm still in love with you.”His eyes are vulnerable and nervous.My stomach is doing flip-flops, as my heart flutters madly in my chest.
I shuffle my feet, staring at my shoes, and say.“I've been in love with you for a long time.”Caleb blinks as if he's afraid this is a dream.He takes another step closer, close enough that I can feel the warmth radiating from his body.
“How long?”He breathes the question nearly inaudibly.
I clutch the back of my neck, a flush creeping into my cheeks, “A really long time.”Caleb's eyes widen, and his mouth forms an ‘oh’ in surprise.I nod, feeling suddenly shy under the intensity of his gaze."Yeah," I admit softly."I didn't understand it then, but looking back...it was always you, Caleb."
His hand reaches out, hesitating for a moment before gently cupping my cheek.The familiar touch sends a jolt through my body, awakening every nerve ending."Cole," he whispers, my name a prayer on his lips."I...I don't know what to say."I lean into his touch, my eyes fluttering closed for a moment.
“I’ve missed you so fucking much.”He croaks.I open my eyes and look into his glassy ones.
