Page 91 of Sins of the Flesh
Doctor Conning encouraged me to indulge in things I wasn't allowed to do as a child.Like writing creatively, I have always had a love for the written word and this was my first chance to explore it outside of the bible.
My writing starts as really bad poetry at first but as I keep writing I find the beauty in the words.This leads me to another hobby I have wanted to try since I was a child.Learning to play guitar.It doesn't take long to get into guitar.I'm no expert but I learn the cords well enough to enjoy playing.
I sit on a stool on the stage in the church, guitar in hand and a small table in front of me with paper and a pen as I match chords to words.I close my eyes, letting the melody wash over me as my fingers dance across the strings.The words flow from somewhere deep inside, a place I'm only beginning to understand:
"Broken pieces, shattered dreams
Nothing's quite the way it seems
But in the darkness, there's a light
Guiding me through the night"
I pause, scribbling down the lyrics.The song isn't about Cole, not exactly.It's about healing, about finding hope in the midst of pain, I'm calling it “True Light”.Cole is always there but the pain is closer to a dull ache these days.I don’t think I'll ever stop missing him or loving him but I can't regret him because he brought so much to my life.Discovery, experiences and a love I never would have had without him.
The clacking of heels tears me from my thoughts.I look up to see Charlotte striding purposefully down the aisle, her eyes fixed on me, my stomach tightens instinctively.
"Caleb," she calls, her voice echoing in the empty church."Just the man I wanted to see."
I set the guitar aside, trying to keep my expression neutral."Charlotte."
She steps onto the stage, looking up at me with that smile I've come to dread.Leaning in, she kisses my cheek and I force myself not to wipe it.
"What can I do for you?"I ask, keeping my voice steady.
"Oh, I just wanted to check in, see how you're doing after..."Her words trail off and I already know she means Cole.She does this check in weekly and by now the conversation has become repetitive.
"I'm doing well, thank you."Charlotte's eyes narrow slightly.
"Yes, your mood seems to have shifted a lot lately."She steps closer, invading my personal space."I do hope you're keeping your word.By the way how is Cole these days?"
My jaw clenches at Charlotte's insinuation."Cole is...gone," I manage to say, my voice tight."As you well know."
Charlotte's eyes gleam."Just making sureyouknew that."She reaches out, her perfectly manicured nails grazing my arm."I’m sure you’ve been...lonely."I can't imagine why she would care if I was lonely.She's the reason I am in the first place.
I take a step back, my heart pounding."I am fine."She laughs, a tinkling sound that sends chills down my spine.
"Are you really?A man has...needs, Caleb."Her gaze rakes over me, leaving me feeling exposed.
I feel my breath catch in my throat as Charlotte presses against me.Her touch makes my skin crawl, but I'm frozen, unable to move away."Charlotte, don’t," I manage to say, my voice barely above a whisper."Please stop."
She laughs again, low and throaty."I only want to…help."She pops the p, her mouth close to my ear.Panic rises in my chest.I grab her wrist, finally finding the strength to push her away.
"No," I say more firmly."This isn't happening, and it never will Charlotte."
Her eyes flash with anger."You’re making a mistake Caleb."She hisses.
I stand my ground, meeting Charlotte's gaze steadily."I'm not interested in your games or your threats, Charlotte.My answer is no, and that's final."Her face contorts with pain?Anger?
"One of these days Caleb, you will give in and I’ll be waiting."She turns and stalks down the aisle, her heels echoing ominously in the empty church.
I sink back onto the stool, running a hand through my hair.I feel rattled having stood up to her but also empowered.Charlotte may think she can have anything she wants but she will NEVER have me.
I pick up my guitar again, strumming absently as I process what just happened.A new verse comes to me:
"Standing tall against the storm
No longer bent, no longer torn…”
