Page 76 of Little Monster
It’s been months. I shouldn’t still feel this way.
“What are you doing here?” I whisper. I can feel curious stares, know people must be watching, but I don’t care. All I see is him.
Now he’s taking a step forward, slowly closing the distance between us. He’s so close that I could reach out and brush my thumb against his lip ring, could trace my fingertips across the shell of his ear. But I don’t. I stand still, body tense, confusion and desire warring for control of my racing heart.
“I wanted to see you, to congratulate you. Jordan told me about the audition.” A small sad smile flickers across his lips. “I called, but it went straight to voicemail.” He sighs softly. “I’m so proud of you.”
“You don’t get to be proud of me,” I whisper. It comes out before I can stop it, but it feels good. I want to speak my truth. “It’s been months, Dex. Why are you here? Whynow?”
“I’ve been... trying to figure out how I feel about you.” He averts his gaze, and his power over me is broken, like I’ve awoken from a trance.
Remember, I tell myself.Remember what he put you through. Remember the pain.
“You still haven’t figured that out?” I snap.
“No, that’s not what I meant.” He drags a hand through his hair, looking flustered for the first time since I’ve known him. His cuff links shine beneath the stage lights, and I’m disgusted by my desire to draw my lips over them.
What’s the matter with me?
“What I mean is,” he continues,“I’ve never felt this way before.”
My heart slams in my chest. What is he saying?
“That morning at my house, when I saw you standing out by the pool, I realized you were the most beautiful fucking thing I’d ever seen. Ithurtto look at you.” He meets my eyes again, and his gaze smolders like it could set me ablaze. “But then you asked me what we were, what you meant to me, and I froze up, Nora.” His brow furrows, one of his hands clenching into a tight fist. “Every woman I’ve cared for has either used me or left me, sometimes both.”
I immediately think of what he told me about his mother, but I don’t let it soften my resolve. I can’t let myself wade into these waters when I know Dex Reid is going to make me drown.
“Is that why you ran into Serena’s arms?” I ask, voice still venomous. I’m clinging to my anger, refusing to open my heart to him after spending so much time trying to put the broken pieces back together.
“Ididn’trun into her arms.” His voice is hard. “We’d already agreed to meet up that night. She had some of my stuff at her place, and I wanted it back. The media lie about everything. You know this.”
“Then why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you call? I trusted you, and you abandoned me! You acted like I meant nothing!”
My voice carries in the auditorium, and I think I see a flash, someone photographing us, but I still can’t find the energy to care.
Let them watch. Let them all see the sad girl fall apart at the rock god’s feet.
Despite my best efforts, I can’t hold my tears back any longer. They overflow from my eyes and streak down my cheeks. When Dex reaches out to wipe them away, I pull back from him, knowing I’ll crumble at the first brush of his skin against mine.
“I was afraid,” he whispers.
“Ofme?” My laughter is cold. I’m not looking at him now, am staring at the thick velvet curtains at the far end of the stage, trying not to let him see how much he hurt me. “What could you possibly be afraid of?”
“Of wanting you. Of losing you.” He pauses for long enough that I finally meet his eyes again. He’s staring at me, brows pulled together, and his eyes almost look... pained. Holding my gaze, he whispers, “Of loving you.”
And that’s what does it. My flames of rage flicker and die, the tension easing out of my shoulders.
Of loving me?
“I’ve never had anything that I’ve been afraid to lose before. But not having you is hell. It’s so much worse than the fear.”
Tentatively, he reaches for me again. His hand hovers there between us. He doesn’t push, doesn’t try to snatch my hand before I can turn away. Instead, he waits.
It’s a white flag. A declaration of peace. A trembling, broken thing trying to rise from the ashes.
And this time, I close the distance, let him take my hand. His skin is warm against mine, and I shiver as he runs his thumb across my knuckles.
“I was an absolute fucking idiot,” he continues. “I was terrified, but I should never have let you walk out that door. Please...” His fingers tighten around mine. “Please let me try again.”
