Page 65 of Little Monster
A tiny spark flickers to life in my chest when I think that maybe I’ve got it all wrong. Maybe her message doesn’t mean what I think it means.
“Little Monster,” he whispers, taking my chin and tilting my head back so I’ll meet his eyes. “Tell me what’s wrong. I can’t fix it otherwise.”
The words rise like fire in my throat, fighting over one another to get out. But I push them down, try to sort through all the emotions until I can focus on the one question that’ll answer everything.
“What is this?” I whisper. My eyes search his. “What am I to you?”
I want him to pull me in for a kiss, to tell me I’m his Little Monster.
But my stomach drops when he releases my chin, and I swear it’s like a curtain is drawn in his eyes, hiding everything that’s going on backstage.
And before he says a word, I know what’s happening.
He’s shutting me out. And for some reason, all I can think is that it’smyfault.
Not pretty enough. Not fun enough. Not rich enough.
“I...” Dex takes a physical step back from me. The distance is enough to punch me square in the gut. “I didn’t realize you needed to put a label on this.”
A label? Alabel?
Pain flares in my chest, burns through me, and this time when the tears try to rise, I can’t fight them back. They swim in my eyes before slipping silently down my cheeks. The morning breeze makes the moisture feel cool on my skin, though inside I’m burning up.
“Nora,” he says.
No more nickname? No more wanting to be my firsteverything?
I won’t tell him—or anyone—but suddenly, standing here beside the pool with DTLA waking up in the distance, Dex’s blue eyes pinned on me, I come to the realization that he’ll be another one of my firsts.
My first heartbreak.
Before he can say anything else, I whirl around and sprint into the house. While striding through the living room, I yank his hoodie off over my head, then ball it up and fling it onto the back of the couch.
That word,label, keeps ringing through my head. I knew this would happen, knew I could never be more to him than a quick fuck. But he kissed my shoulders in the shower, played with my damp hair as we fell asleep.
He convinced me this could be more. And I was naïve enough to believe him.
“Nora,” he says again, standing in the doorway as I pull on my sneakers and grab my purse from beside the door.
“What, Dex?” I spin to face him, tears still streaking down my cheeks.
I wait for him to say something, to apologize, to use this last opportunity to make things right.
But all he does is frown.
A fresh wave of tears gathers on my lower lashes, and then I flee from his house, barely managing not to slam the door on my way out.
chapter 22
I SPENT ALL OF YESTERDAY crying. Margot cuddled me on the couch while I binged shows and lost myself in a video game—notLegend of Volthorn, because that reminded me too much of Dex—and she’s the only thing that’s bringing me any sort of comfort this morning.
She and I are still lying in bed at nine o’clock, which is incredibly rare for me, but I can’t seem to drag myself out from under the covers. My body hurts, and my eyes are swollen and tender from crying. A few tears still sneak down my cheeks, but I’m mostly cried out. Even my breakup with College Boyfriend didn’t feel like this, and we were an actual couple, not just two people who know each other’s middle names and had sex twice.
But Dex dug such a deep hole in my heart that I don’t know how I’m going to fill it. He drifted throughmy defenses like smoke, and just when I started to think maybe it was okay to let him in, he did exactly what I expected from the very beginning.
Part of me wants to feel vindicated for getting it right, for knowing all along that he’d never pick me. But the other part, the part that has me in its hold right now, just wants to fall into pieces.
Margot is curled against my side, her furry body like a little furnace beneath the covers, and she grunts in disapproval when I reach for the phone on my nightstand. My stupid heart hopes maybe he texted last night after I fell asleep, but when the phone screen illuminates, I don’t have any missed calls or messages.
